"Yo, what you writing?"
My reflexes help me close the notebook. It might be my personal philosophy but that doesn't mean I'm gonna go around showing it to the world. To be more accurate, if your personality or philosophy doesn't match the people around you, keep it to yourself.
"Uh, nothing important" I answered with some hesitation as I noticed all eyes were staring at me expecting me to give them the secret of life or something as important. It didn't take much time for me to realize that there was actually some conversation going on and now it was my responsibility to continue it.
It's not really hard to continue a conversation as long as you know the last thing that was said.
"Come on, tell us who would you pick?" asked Erica Mori in a higher pitch than usual, which she uses to show her excitement.
Erica isn't someone I would imagine to be part of the popular girls, but her kind, always happy, easy going personality does help her case, add to that her cute face, which can be compared to a new born baby (which explains why I don't find her attractive), and you got yourself someone who can be easily placed in the lower tier of the popular girls.
With this excitement and impatience surrounding me picking a guy here would be suicide, they were probably talking about which girls and guys they find attractive in this classroom.
I still remember that time in my last school where this similar situation had taken place. Like always I wasn't paying attention to the conversation and some guy had asked me who I would pick. Without thinking I said "Of course I'll pick you". Even now remembering that incident I wish I could stop existing.
"Hmm… Who do I pick?" I pretended to be thinking hard about my answer, in reality I was taking my time to look around and find any girl who is decent enough that they will believe is out of my league.
That's when my eyes caught Akane Sawatari, a red haired girl with high grades, good looks, teacher's favorite and a boyfriend to throw in the mix; indeed a perfect girl. Not only can I say she is out of my league, in fact, she might actually be. And with Watari Washirou as her boyfriend, if I say her name I might even end up getting some unasked sympathy, which I don't really care about but these people have way too much to give.
"Akane Sawatari"
"You already know she's not single." said Haruma Haruki, who is not only the most popular guy in our group but also the one who gossips the most, well it's his gossip that makes him the most popular guy (in our group).
"Oh no? I thought it was just a rumor. She really not single? Well still nothing wrong with choosing her."
Well now it's confirmed that they were talking about who I find attractive.
"You know I did hear that her boyfriend was talking to some other girls… Maybe he's cheating?"
Because of course if two people of opposite gender talk they have to be romantically involved. Well in any case they can continue to accuse people as long as I can safely ignore any more talking, and it's not like they are hurting anyone. They'll just talk about it for a while then move onto someone else.
It really doesn't matter what they say about who it's just talks which will fade out with time… like always.
Like always I'll be a part of a circle, we'll talk about always being there for each other, never forgetting each other, always being connected, except their "we" won't include me. As soon as something happens I'll be forgotten, I'll fade away, like a memory of an event that shouldn't have happened. Source is me.
When it happened the first time I was too young to understand, back then we didn't have mobile phones of our own and our parents didn't allow us to use any social media so it was easy to lose track of people.
But when it kept happening I had to realize two things
Most human relations are superficial; and
I am not someone who leaves a big impact on people.
Realizing that allowed me to live the life I live now, a background character in a somewhat popular group.
Though I do realize that it sounds like I am basically an outcast, that's not the case. First of all, being an outcast gives you a special place in the social hierarchy, in fact it is one of the most comfortable places you can be in. You get to do what you want to do with no one stopping you. You can say goodbye to your social life and no one will care, not to mention you get a free pass every time you mess up anything "Oh he did what? As expected of an outcast."
But that's exactly the reason I didn't want to be an outcast. Outcasts are remembered. Maybe not in the best light but they are still remembered one way or another.
I want to be someone who is not remembered in any way.
"If there is a chance he's cheating on her then you should at least try to talk to her, maybe it'll work out?" said Kenshi Oono without even realizing what he just said. He's probably the biggest airhead in the group.
Just because you got a girlfriend with your average looks doesn't mean you just give the all go command to everyone. I mean I do look better than him, but talking to people you meet is something I can't do at all.
"Oh yeah, maybe I should just go to her and tell her that she's dating a cheater, everyone has to like a stranger coming to them and accusing people that are close to them, right?"
"If he's cheating then she would be careful and not to mention if he is cheating you'll be there to support her" was the comeback Kenshi came up with, and I think he was quite proud of that one, he said it in a snarky tone as if looking down on me, I mean he was looking down on me as he stood tall next to me sitting in a slouched position.
As I looked around to see if I was the only one who saw the flaw in his logic I'm met with a look of expectation from Erica and Haruma. Do they really think there was nothing wrong with that logic? I narrowed my eyes into a frowning position, I would usually do this whenever I wanted to tell them to listen to themselves again and figure out where they went wrong, it became a signal as they didn't like me saying it over and over again.
"I mean there's nothing wrong with being careful, and wouldn't it be really painful if she just found he's cheating on her without any warnings. If she is warned then it wouldn't hurt that much." somehow I expected this would be what Haruma would say.
Believing he knows what a person wants in that moment is Haruma's speciality and also he's never right about it.
I may not have much experience when it comes to relationships as I have never been in one but there are things like trust right? Things that allow you to believe in others? And it's not like Watari Washirou is a nobody, quite the opposite, he's an athlete with some of the highest grades, a man that is in every meaning of the word - perfect, no doubt he's the most popular guy in our school. I would be envious of him if I didn't know someone as perfect as him can not exist.
For who he is there is no wonder there are always girls around him or after him, but that fact alone doesn't mean anything, in fact if he wasn't surrounded by girls that would be more suspicious.
Still it doesn't change the fact that there is not enough evidence to say he's cheating which means we shouldn't even be talking about it.
"I am not gonna talk to her. Anyway, I gotta go home early today." I hurriedly grabbed all my things lying around and stuffed them in my bag and started to walk away. Even though it's a lie I have to make them believe it.
"What are you? A chicken?"
That weak bait won't attract someone like me.
"I'll peck you."