Azzaria
Beep Beep!
I fucking hate my alarm. Why do I keep living? Ugh but thankfully, it's Friday. After I left the office yesterday, I did an evening class which ended rather late and came right home to sleep. I'm not sure why I keep forgetting I'm a college student with actual work and exams to do. I should've probably chosen a lower maintenance place to get my work done.
I jumped up from the bed, feeling very excited for the day before me. That was very weird given that I wanted to die seven minutes ago, at least I know I'm still bipolar. God, I really have a lot of fucking issues.
I took my long cold shower and hopped out to get dressed. It was still very early, but having an early start on a Friday is very necessary.
My phone pinged. Great, it's Nicholas
Nicholas Sharpe: Are you coming to work today?
I groaned in displeasure and threw the phone on the bed. He couldn't take a hint and I regretted spreading my legs for such an annoying person. There are about four billion men, and of that figure, I just had to choose the most annoying one to fuck. Sigh.
"Foundation, mascara, blush, light eyeshadow and some lipgloss....that should be enough right?" I asked herself aloud while doing my makeup. My anxiety peaked, for no reason at all.
Out of nowhere, I heard the glass break and my mother scream. What the fuck?
"Mom, are you-"
My sentence was cut short by my alcoholic father rummaging through my apartment. Holy fucking shit. The air reeked of dirty clothes and vodka and I could see my mother shiver with the fear of what would happen to us next. It's like I froze. All the might I had within my body froze and I just felt like dying. When will it ever end?
"You dirty whore," he screamed at her. I could feel a pit of anger mixed with sadness formed in her stomach. I hated myself because I stood there and did absolutely nothing. The fear overtook me so badly that I did nothing to help my mother and I never hated myself more.
"W-what h-appended"? Mom stuttered. I didn't even know it was possible to be sad, angry and disgusted at the same time but now I know, now I get it.
The next thing I saw was his heavy white palms connecting with the side of my mother's face. The force was so strong that she fell on the floor bursting out in loud screams. Her pale cheeks absorbed the outline of his handprint as if it was a tattoo.
He spat on mom then walked up to me, grabbing my shirt and spoke in a harsh rigid tone, "You're just the same whore like your mother, worthless bitch." Tired is a fucking understatement.
"Just go please," I pleaded with the tears streaming from my eyes. Everything was wrong. So dead wrong.
The tears filled my eyes and fear washed my entire being. He let me go, ran through and slammed the door. I hurriedly ran over to my mother and the two of us sat in the middle of the room in silence.
After a few long minutes, the situation slowly calmed down and I left my mom downstairs reading to finish getting dressed for today. It's just the first week, I can't miss a day.
The pain felt unbearable and the sad part is, breaking down doesn't just need one event, it jogs your mind for every time you've been heartbroken and hurt. This was just another secret to add to the already big pile of secrets. I looked in the mirror and held my stomach, soon falling to the floor. God, I hate when this happens.
•
Despite whatever happened, I had to move on. Dwelling on it would just make me seem weak and affected and I couldn't let that happen, especially not after everything I've sacrificed for this life. My attempt to be early fell through and I was caught up in the rush hour heading downtown New York. Cars filled the streets. Men, women and children on the sidewalk as well as the strong smell of hot coffee fixed in the air, if only this would make the traffic move faster. I checked my watch and the time read 8 am. Work starts in thirty minutes and damn it, I was going to be late. The sounds of horns were music to ears, who am I kidding, it annoyed me.
The time started moving fast until 8:30 approached and I was still in traffic. "Can this day get any worse?" I sarcastically asked to myself even though I already knew the answer to that.
Thankfully, the traffic congestion eased and I finally arrived at Xander communications. This building was huge and I've never really taken note of it until now. A huge grey building, probably as tall as a skyscraper with stained glass windows washing the sides and front of the building, it exhaled the word "expensive and classy". I pulled around the parking garage, parked my car, grabbed my purse and headed to the front of the building. The closer I got to the 15th floor, the more my heart came up throat because I knew this man could be so fucking extra and would give me shit for being late and I can't do the whole argument game with him today.
"Good morning Mara," I said, approaching the front desk. She was the prettiest pregnant woman I've ever seen.
"Good morning Ms. Willis, and Mr. Xander wants to see you before you go into your office." My heart stopped. What the fuck did I do?
"Do you know why?" I asked her, fear strong in my voice. Not even the fear of seeing him but the fear of the reason he wanted to see me.
"No, but it seems like it's an urgent matter," she stated.
I ran down the hall to his office, slightly knocked and entered.
"Good morning Mr. Xander," I said "I was told you wanted to see me?"
"Good morning Ms. D'Amelio and yes. Go over my schedule today please," he spoke chirpily.
"You only have three things scheduled for today; signing off on the payroll, presenting your opening speech for the museum and press conference."
"Sounds good," he said and went to grab peanuts from his snack drawer. I'm confused on why he called me there. There's literally a schedule on his desk and his laptop.
"Is that all you called me for sir?"
"Yes," he spoke sharply and I left. This was so weird. Why would he call me for something he already knew, unless he's just being an asshole— as usual.
My schedule for today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Granted, this should be an internship and not exactly a full on job but Mr. Xander just signed the form regardless so I'm making money while meeting my graduation requirements—sounds like fair trade to me.
I called over HR to let them send the payroll up by 12 giving Mr. Xander enough time to sign off on it and send it back to accounts before 2. I haven't been doing my internship here long, but I've picked up on a few things that I know makes sense to note and I've done independent research.
Though I've been trying to forget, I can't forget yesterday in the office with him. That entire moment of silence and connection was hardly something unrecognisable but it's not like either of us could act on it. Mara made it very clear that he hates nothing more then fraternization and he makes it clear that he's not looking for someone and quite frankly, neither was I.
~•~•~•~•~
"Hey girl," Abigail said as she answered the phone "what's up?"
"I'm here at work. Are you going to stop by school today?"
"Yes, you?"
"Yes, I wanted to, but what time are you going?"
"I'm going at 12:30 and remember we're going clubbing tonight," she squealed in excitement.
"Yes, I remember," I chuckled "and 12:30 got it."
"How are you doing Z?" Wow. I haven't been asked that question in so long that hearing it actually made me think. I knew the answer but did I want to get in depth over the phone? Definitely not.
"I'm doing great, just tired and wanting to get this internship over with," I chuckled.
"Azzaria." She sighed. "What's wrong?"
"Huh?"
"I know you. We don't talk as much but I know you. We don't have to talk about it right now but just know that I'm here for you. You know that right?"
That's just what I needed. I needed this reassurance, especially today. "I know."
"I'm glad you do and I love you."
"I love you too."
Suddenly, life felt better this way or maybe it was because everything and everyone I thought that I needed slowly became less and less important as time and as days go by.
Dillon
I don't know what I'm doing right now. There was no reason to call her but was it wrong that I just wanted to see her, br in her presence and just hear her voice? From that evening in the office, I just looked at her way differently— looked at her with hope and possibility. But those always get shattered.
I'm glad my day wasn't a long one today because I wanted to go down to my club and see how it's been going. I have this bad habit of attending to my ventures and businesses every other month and I need to be way more consistent. Opening a bar and sex club in this city wasn't only smart business but it was just fitting. People tend to underestimate the number of weird shit that happens in New York City.
"Sir?" Azzarria said as she walked into the office.
"Yes?"
"Is it okay if I leave at 12:30 today?" I could sense the fear she had in asking me this and the simple answer could've most definitely been "yes" but that's too easy.
"Why?"
"I have to pick up some documents from school, drop off the second commitment form that you signed as well as hand in my volunteerism hours," she stated.
"Where did you volunteer? And please, have a seat," I said.
"But sir I have to fini-"
"I didn't ask you that. That can wait. Now where did you volunteer?"
She shared a slight smile of fear and took her seat. I wasn't trying to scare or intimidate her but that however ended up happening.
"What if I don't want to answer that question?" I've never liked a brat, but this one, hmm, she intrigues me.
"Too bad you don't have a choice," I said, sharing a devilish grin.
"I volunteered at the Windsor Heights charity home, a church off Main Street and I did a program which fed homeless people in Brooklyn."
"That's interesting," I shared. And it really was. Normal college students have their documentation forged but to see that she went out of her way to get not one, but three acts done was impressive.
"How about you?"
"Hmm?," I mumbled, lifting my head up.
"Do you do anything charity or volunteerism wise?"
"Aside from my ex, nothing else I can think of at the moment," I chuckled but she was silent. Maybe due to her not wanting to laugh or due to her not knowing whether she could or couldn't laugh.
"That's deep," she shared with a gulp.
"I supply schools with electronic devices for the children every school year especially since the world is becoming more digitised now and I volunteer at the zoo sometimes, donate to the endangered species as well as helping to feed the world's poor. I have a foundation for the sexually abused victims," I stated.
"Impressive," she said.
"It's smart business, you don't agree?"
"I can't agree on something I don't know anything about but I think that's just the face you want to give." The face? What face is the talking about.
"Face?"
"Yeah a face. It may be smart business but I think your heart is a little bigger than you let on or let people see."
Wow.
"It's a bold thing to assume that I even have a heart," I chuckled.
"Everyone does, some are just better at hiding it than others," she said, looking me directly in the eyes.
"I just-," and there it was again. That moment when the time stopped and the two of us sat there, yet again, staring into each other's eyes like nobody's business.
"You just?"
"Never mind," I said, clearing my throat and breaking eye contact "and yes you can leave at 12:30."
"Thank you," she said and left the office.
We seriously need to stop doing that. It's getting into my head and making me rethink everything and I'm definitely not in the mood or mental space for all of that.
The payroll was sent to my desk to be signed and as I was reviewing it, I noticed that her name wasn't on the bill. I understand the fact that this is an internship but who the fuck gave them that directive?
"Ms. Willis," I shouted from my office. I'm sure the entire world could hear the shout I just made.
She came running briskly with a confused look on her face. The poor girl must've thought that she did something wrong.
"What happened?" She asked in an alarming tone.
"Did you take your name off the payroll?"
"No si-"
"Get accounts and HR on the phone please ," I ordered and she ran over to dial the numbers.
"Good afternoon. Xander communications limited and you're speaking with Marissa, the H-."
"Who removed Ms. Willis' name from the bill? She's our new intern" I asked, interrupting them.
"Sir, it's fine. I'm just an intern you don't have to," she stated. I just ignored her statement because no one tells me what I can and cannot do.
"I'm not sure, I think it's a system with the issue," the HR rep said.
"Spare me the details, just get it fixed and sent to me in the next ten minutes."
"Yes sir," Marissa said. I think I need to revise my HR team because they keep making stupid mistakes.
I shouldn't even be so annoyed at this, but something just went wild in my head when I didn't see it. Something goes wild in my head when I don't see her and it's getting really annoying.
She stood there in shock for a few minutes until she had a go. It was all for the best anyways, she had to leave at 12:30 and I had to finish talking to my father. The best of luck to us both.