Dixie
Despite my shitty night and everyone relating to that, it's a new day and that means school. I'm finally going back to school and I'm excited. Anything that involves me being away from my house and the people that live in it makes me happy. I've always made it my point of duty to make sure I take my education seriously and I'm easily demotivated and being in this environment isn't encouraging.
I'm pretty sure I've heard that I'm a disappointment more times than I've heard anything else and that really sucks.
The bus ride was good for the most part. I made sure to leave out extremely early to avoid any conversation plus any form of traffic.
Noah had emailed me the timetables plus I had stationary and a backpack from the previous school year. They were still in pretty good condition too, which was a definite plus.
I hope this year will be different. I'm praying that it all goes well. I don't even care if I meet any friends, I just want this school year to be different from the rest.
The driver pulled up directly in front of the school gates and it was at that moment, my heart was lodged in my throat. I suddenly wanted to throw up all the food I didn't even eat this week.
My first thought is, "why the hell is my school this big?" But before I could even voice this, a security guard approached me. He gave me a confused look which probably meant he wanted to know if I was lost or needed help.
And as he approached me, my throat started closing. My fingers dug into my palm and I almost passed out.
He's not going to hurt me.
He's just trying to help.
I had to repeat these in my head. And it was only then, I realized I might have male teachers for my subjects. Actually, the percentage is higher than anything else. Just like that, I'm fucked.
I stood outside for another five minutes before I sucked it up and walked in. So far, I've avoided human interaction which I just realized, I'll have to get over because I really do need the help.
My phone buzzed and I jumped. I hate how scared I am of every fucking thing.
7:45 a.m. Noah B: good morning. have a great day today. let me know when you get there.
7:45 a.m. Me: thanks and i am there.
I shoved my phone back in my pocket and walked to the front of the school. There just be a person there who can direct me to my classes or at least give me a tour of the school.
I walked past a number of buildings, and trust me, it felt like I was walking forever. There was the library, indoor stadium, document and printing center and there was even a little school bookshop. Wow. I've never been more excited to walk around somewh-
Shit. I bumped into someone. The books fell out of my hand and I stooped to pick it up. Looking up to face the person, I saw a teacher. A female teacher. Or at least, based on how the person is dressed, I assumed it was a teacher.
"I'm so sorry," I said in an apologetic tone and started walking off.
"Wait," she called out and I froze in my tracks. "Are you Dixie D'Amelio?" Shit. She knows my name.
"Yes." I gulped and started twirling my fingers.
"Ah great!" She exclaimed. "You're my nephew's friend. I've been searching for you. I'm Mrs. Lawson, let's go."
Oh. Noah's aunt. Nice. I think...
"Alright."
Mrs. Lawson and I spent the next few hours of the morning walking around the entire school. She took me to the library and I took my ID picture. It wasn't the cutest thing I've ever seen but it's decent— better than the ones I've taken for my previous schools. I got a membership card and even an assigned computer to use with a schedule. This school was very precise and it's something I could get used to.
We moved onto the different buildings. At my old school, we were placed based on our grade levels, but for this school, we were placed in classrooms based on our subjects. I found it a little stupid but then again, everything is set a particular way for a reaosn I suppose.
My subject list was Psychology, Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Mathematics, English A and B, Religious Education, History and Spanish. Each student was to pick a minimum of eight subjects, but the teachers recommended that I do an extra two as it will add to my credits for this semester. I was already familiar with all of these subjects with the exception of Psychology— I've always been a psych lover but never got the chance to explore it.
Our next stop was the cafeteria and the co-curricular rooms. I wasn't big on eating school lunches but the prices weren't bad. They could easily be met— even if you weren't rich. As for the extra curricular activities, there were about two hundred different options to choose from and I chose five. This would overwhelm me, but I'll do anything to stay at school longer. I hate my house.
The next few stops were meeting teachers and filling out the documents. There was a lot of paperwork to be done and I had to make up a lie as to why my parents weren't here. I couldn't exactly tell them about my poor quality of life on the very first day. There's no flavour in that.
She walked me back to my class and I was just in time to meet my new teacher. The class was rather big and I chose to sit in the middle. The back was too suspicious and the front was too nerve wracking. The other students around me seemed so different, yet so similar. I could easily tell that they weren't as "perfect" as they are painted to be but it's not my business to bring that up.
•
My classes were good so far. English was very interactive and I can't believe I actually participated in class. I felt like my teacher was purposely picking on me but there's no challenge I can't handle...... at least none I've gone through. Math was fine. It wasn't the best but then again, it's math, it's not expected to be the best thing on the planet. I must say that I think math class will be my favorite as it's very quiet and the students aren't obnoxious or nosy. I've had people in English ask me the most out of pocket questions and to this minute, I'm still shocked at how nosy some people can be.
The bell rang for lunch and I walked to the lunch room. I wasn't planning on buying anything to eat today. I felt full plus I hate eating in front of anyone. I felt like I'd get judged or something.
"Dixie." I was either tripping or Noah was actually here right now. There's no way.
I spun around quickly and there I saw him, walking towards me with a brown paper bag and a box of flowers in his hand. Dear God, if I'm in a dream please wake me up.
"Hey," he said and leaned in for a hug. I waited a few minutes before I hugged him back and confusion was written all over my face. What was he doing here? And furthermore, why was everyone staring? I hate attention.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered. We were still engulfed in the hug and he finally pulled away when I asked that question.
He handed the paper bag and the box of flowers. A big smile was present on his face plus he looked so handsome. I think it's the heat why I'm feeling this way.
"Thank you," I whispered, a smile popping up on my face.
"It's my pleasure. I wanted your first day to be good. It's pasta which is your favorite and everyone loves flowers. How's the day been going?" We started walking towards a seating area and my heart sped up. I know his thoughts were purely platonic but this added to the feelings I had for him. I felt really special getting all of this from him.
"My day's good. I met your aunt and she showed me around. I'm doing ten subjects and five extracurricular activities. No homework so far and the school is somewhat tolerable."
He chuckled as we sat down and I smiled at him. I love seeing him smile. Not the time for this right now Dixie.
"I asked her to," he admitted. I figured that much. She also kept hinting that he was more than a friend to me but I'll leave that bit of detail to myself. I'm not in the mood for him to brush it off and say I'm like his sister or something— I'd literally lose my mind.
We sat down while I ate some of my pasta and continued talking. He told me about Lee-Anna and how they just ended up watching a movie and he went out. It's almost odd hearing that he didn't sleep with her. I'm used to hearing all the dirty and adventurous details of his sex life. And maybe that's a reason why he and I won't ever be more than what we are— with all my trauma, I definitely couldn't keep up with his stamina. And that wouldn't make him happy at all.
The bell rang and we started walking back to the open area. I asked him to keep the flowers for me until after school because I didn't want to be walking around with any extra load today. My first day was going great and maybe this will set the tone for the rest of the year.
"Have a good rest of your day okay?" His tone was different. It had a lot more emotion and it sounded more personal than how he normally speaks to me. Maybe I'm tripping because he and I just spent an entire hour together or maybe this is actually happening — I'll let my delusions win for today.
I leaned in to hug him. He was warm and I felt safe. For once. It felt good. "I will and you too. Thanks for being a good human to me."
"That's what bestfriends are for." And with that statement,he walked into his car and drove off. This is by far the best lunch time I've ever had.
I threw away the container my pasta came in and started sipping my water. For someone who claimed they weren't hungry, I sure did eat the entire thing. My body and mind confuse me most times but if it's one thing I'm sure about, it's the love my bestfriend has for me.