Chereads / Nomi's Diary / Chapter 19 - Sunday, March 5, 2023

Chapter 19 - Sunday, March 5, 2023

I shouldn't have done that. I said I wouldn't express myself, I said I would keep my sadness to myself but you begged me to, you said you wanted to know everything about me, the good and the bad. I held on for 2 months. I finally broke down and told you how I feel and now you don't want me anymore. I told you

nobody likes a girl who's always sad and now even you agree. You don't love me anymore. You don't want me anymore.

It's ok. Everything is ok. If you really leave I can do this without you. I just don't want to so please don't leave me. We can do this, I promised I wouldn't just give up on us just because I feel insecure so please. Please don't give up on me. I know I'm not worth much, I know I'm not enough and yet somehow manage to be too much but please, I'll work on it. I'll get better. I'll fix everything, I'll do anything.

I think of leaving you first whenever I get the feeling that you don't want me and want to break up but I won't. I did last time but I'm not going to this time. I don't want anyone else. I can't imagine myself happy with anyone else. So please don't leave me. You said you loved me, you said I'm your everything, you said I'm pretty and smart and can get through this. You said I'm not a waste of time. You said I would be your wife and that we're getting married. I want that. And I want it with you. I want you.

I know I'm only ever sad or mad and I'm really annoying and do nothing but complain but I can change that. I'll go back to keeping everything to myself, I won't bother you anymore. I'll do whatever you say, I won't question why you don't want to do something or talk to me. I just want you to stay. I just want to be together. I don't want this to end. Please.

I shouldn't have gotten upset with you. I'm sorry I won't do it again. I knew I was tired so I should've just said good night, I love you, and went to sleep. I shouldn't have been pushy and ruined your day, I'm sorry. I won't keep asking for that and harassing you. I'll be whoever you want me to be from now on.

I don't know what's wrong with me; I don't know why I always overreact but I'll fix that too. And If I can't fix it I'll keep it to myself so that it's not bothering you. Anything for you. Everything for you. And if you leave that's ok because I'll always make sure you have a home to come back to. I can guarantee you a year. If you leave me I won't be able to get over it. I might hurt myself, maybe even attempt to kill myself some nights. I'll obsess over everything about you even more than I do now. But it's ok. I'll be ok. I'll wait for you. I'll prepare everything. I save things for us, for you.

Are you mad at me? I'm sorry I won't do it again. I'll do whatever you say whenever you say it. I'll do anything for you. I don't want to live without you. I think I'd give my life for you. I want to make you my everything again. You already are.

My head hurts from crying. I wanna go home with you. Home is with you.

I want to go back to obsessing over how you feel about me. I do but I don't.

I want you to have all of me, mind, soul and body. I'm yours. Please don't throw me away. I know I'm not a good gf and I know you deserve better than me. But I can get better, I can be better if you want me to. If you need me to.

I'm sorry if I made you mad or upset with me because I was being too pushy. I'll be more docile, I'll keep my irritation and self hatred to myself. I'll give you the best of me, everything I can offer.

You don't like me anymore...do you...?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I wasted so much of your time.

I'm sorry I couldn't be good enough for you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being a failure.

I'm sorry for being so insecure.

I'm sorry for the amount of times I ruined your mood.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for you.

I'm sorry I couldn't do anything with you.

I'm sorry for being the worst gf you've ever had.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you had to deal with me.

I'm sorry you ever met me.

I knew you were too good for me, I knew this was too good to be true, I know I don't deserve you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything.

The things I did and didn't do, said and didn't say.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being the only problem you ever had in life.

I'm sorry for always being in your business.

I'm sorry for always clinging to you.

I'm sorry.