Lily • Rosa • Jeanine • Park
It took a few moments for him to process this information. But eventually proceeded and asked.
"Who?"
"If only I'd knew." I responded, disappointedly.
"It was someone I've already met, for sure. It was a man. I noticed his scent. And I heard him sigh." I added, grouping together the information that I acquired from that night.
"So you have a suspect?"
"Quite possibly. Theoretically."
"So you're not sure yet."
"Something like that. Yeah." I added, not very happy about the fact that I don't know much at all yet. And I was a little afraid of the fact that I might not know about things, that I possibly wouldn't even like to find out.
One of the things that bothered me. As much as I wanted to know who showed up at Léo and Tai's dorm that night, I wasn't quite sure that I was ready to reveal this truth, this revelation. As they say, some things will come by themselves, but I'm still not quite convinced.
On the other hand, there is still the unresolved matter of Léo and Tai. I was interested in discussing it with Tai, and with Léo, but I needed to convince them that they can trust me and that I will not pressure them. Well, I was adamant. I wanted to hear the truth from their mouths, even though it was more than obvious what was going on between them. Léo was not the type of person which would violate the limits of 'normality' whether in the family or in the world in general. He considered the fact that he had feelings for a man as a disorder, or simply wrong. He had already been raised like this once, customs in the family are usually left behind, but Léo was different. I needed to explain to him that it's okay to feel love a little differently. That it is still a form of love.
After finishing the first lesson, I said goodbye to Tai, who had the second lesson, and I was free after this first one. I walked him to the door and then walked to the school bakery to buy a pretzel. I sat at the nearest table, settled down and ate my pretzel, picking up my phone.
I couldn't stand it. I had to talk to Léo. It has to be Léo, first. Tai sees it a little differently, that's why. I didn't have many phone numbers in the phone book. Just a few. I found Léo right away, after a short search and I dialed his number. He picked up on the third ring. "Hi. Do you have time after school?"
"You still don't know? I always have time for you." he honored me. "Any problem with studies?"
"We need to talk."
Even without seeing him, I knew he had turned pale. "Something in particular?"
"Very."
My eyes met Tai's. I assumed that his class was canceled or he just left, because it had been only twenty minutes since we last said goodbye. I signaled him to be quiet by pointing my index finger to my lips. He nodded his head and sat across from me. Tai ordered a coffee from the school cafeteria and listened carefully.
"Lily you're quite confusing. Will there be Tai too?" he got his hopes up.
"Not really." I turned my look up to Tai. He grated on me a confused, questioning look. "I'll come to you at seven. Agreed?" I asked, my eyes still interlocked with Tai's. "Agreed. See you then, then."
"Yeah, see you darl." He hung up. Tai pounced on me as soon as I put the phone down. "What is this about? What are you trying to do?" Tai crossed his right leg over his left. Looking inquiringly.
"I'm doing you a favor. Nothing you wouldn't find out about later." He chuckled softly.
"You're lucky that I trust you like no one else."
"You are doing well to trust me. Don't worry. I'm sure you won't regret."
"I won't." He winked at me, and I bowed my head proudly and grinned.
"But tell me. How is it possible that you are here so soon?" I suspected.
"Don't even ask. We all sat down, ready to begin the lesson. Suddenly, out of nowhere the professor received a phone call from someone and had to leave. I didn't really enjoy the topic anyway." He replied and admitted. "It's okay, don't worry." He added to reassure me.
"Tai, can you please spear us some time with Léo tonight? I know it's a little too sudden, but I'd really appreciate if you could comply to me just this time. Even though I can't promise that." I rolled my big, pleading eyes at him, hoping to convince him. He signed a little, trying to not sound conspicuously. But then he looked at me determinedly and answered.
"No problem Jen. I'll get a drink with few of my friends. Call me if anything. I'll wait for your call."
"Thank you. And I like that new nickname!" We chuckled at the same time, mutually.
• • •
After school, I went home, i.e. to the hotel, to prepare for tomorrow's classes, but primarily to prepare what I would tell Léo in the evening. I had to explain everything perfectly and as detailed as possible, but mostly with compassion. I didn't want to pressure him.
I hope it goes well.
After all, he still is my best friend. And he's very understanding and kindhearted. He'll understand.
"Hey, I know I said that I'll wait for your call, but I simply had to. Are you already in our dormitory?" Tai called out of nowhere. Concentration and curiosity permeated his voice.
"Not yet. I'm on my way, I'll be there soon." I informed him as I walked through the penultimate crosswalk. "Alright, Lily. Inform me then. I hope you will have an assertive conversation." There was almost a wish in his voice. "We will. Be ready." I hung up first.
I was already entering the dormitory as I walked up the entrance stairs to the building when I noticed Léo standing and waiting for me. Holding the phone in his hands, he twirled it between his fingers nervously. I walked up to him, gently placed my hand on his back, and while intending to hug him, I managed to plant a kiss on his cheek. He hugged me back and rested his chin on my shoulder. "It's good to see you, Lily." I smiled behind his head, slowly pulling away from the hug so that I could look into his eyes so that he could feel at ease.
"It's good to see you, Léo."
We headed once again, to the dorm where Tai and Léo shared their personal space. And also to the place where a unknown creep watched me in my sleep.
Léo was very clearly nervous about actions that were still unknown to him. Which could probably be the reason for his worries. The music nor the TV weren't on, so he was concerned all along. Usually, if he's in a good mood, he either has music on or the TV on, even if he's not really watching it. It calmed him down. But not today.
I sat down on the sofa, pointing my hand next to me, signaling him to come sit. He obeyed immediately and made his way up to me. I had to overcome his worries, so I started off, prepared. "You know what I wanna talk about, don't you?" He unsure shook his head as an agreement. He knew damn well. "So you also must know, that you are not forced to answer, you can always tell me if I should stop." Léo quietly replied, but it didn't seem like he had any intentions of stopping me.
"Léo, I have to tell you that you are no different from the people in this world that I love, and even will continue to. So I got to ask you, do you lo-"
"I love him."
Léo snapped. In an instant. I didn't even finish the sentence yet. He looked impatient to let me know, and I could see the relief in his face. I chuckled at his words, feeling happiness fullfil both of us. "You didn't even let me finish." I smiled at him. "I was only about to ask you if you feel ready to open up. If you long for the continuation of this topic." He suddenly realized my intension. His mouth opened, revealing his awareness. And in less than a moment he was hiding in his hands from embarrassment. I laughed at his spontaneous action, at the same time at how cute he was.
We talked it all out. About how they became friends, and then how they got closer during the school year. How Tai affected him. And about their first experience, of course. We mainly talked about their relationship and the love overflowing between them. And at the end we ran into a stumbling block. About confessing to the family.
"How do I tell them I am gay?"
Léo rested his head on my lap. I answered while running my fingers through his curls. "Simply how you feel it." He watched me from the bottom. Questioning me through his eyes. "It's not like you know they're gonna hate you. How do you know? Maybe they knew all along. Maybe they just needed you to find out yourself."
"You present it so simply, so harmlessly."
"Because there is no reason why I couldn't. There is nothing wrong with you being gay. Don't even forget." Léo lifted his head from my lap and wrapped his arms around me. Hugging me tightly. "I love you, Lily."
"I love you more."
• • •
I was already walking towards home, after a long but effective conversation with Léo. I am so relieved that it is over. And Léo must be too. I walked the same way as I went to Léo. I called Tai. He, of course, picked up as soon as I dialed his number. "You are a only lucky man. Do you have any idea? How lucky you are?" I felt he was happy. And I was too. Thanks to Léo, everything seemed easier to understand.
"Thank you, Lily. For everything. For being such a great person and such a wonderful friend and you know...for what you did for Léo. It really means a lot for me. Thank you, sincerely."
"I am always here for you, Tai. I hope you can live happily, together, and love each other to the day we die and even after that." A small tear escaped my eye. "As long as we have each other. I promise you that." Lovely, I thought for myself. "I love you, Tai."
"I love you too, Jen."
• • •
My heart was bursting with happiness. Even though it was cold outside, my heart warmed me. It was an incredibly fulfilling feeling of knowing that everything is finally okay.
I walked, satisfied, crossing the crosswalk, finally after all the cars passed. It was a heavy traffic, but at the end, in a short but significant moment, an unknown person standing in the middle of the meadow caught my eye. Which stopped me in the middle of a sidewalk.
His gaze was directed upwards. And his pupils were shining. His gaze focused on the endless number of stars in the night sky.
I've seen all his darkest fears, like I've known him for a thousand years.
Words of my favorite Shawn Mendes's song 'Always Been You' echoed in my ears. The lyrics of the song suddenly became meaningful.
He wore a dark, massive black coat that covered almost everything he was trying to hide. But his face was exposed and clearly visible. His image was so clear that I realized something.
I know who it is.
The man watching the stars in the meadow and the guy from the dorm.
And I knew it all along.
To be continued...