Heaven
10 years old
Have you ever felt like you should hold onto a person, because if not them, then nobody will ever care enough for you? That no one else would ever be enough? That no one would be able to stand near the standards that you have?
That is what I feel right now. My best friend is leaving. He is going to England. For higher studies. Hades wants to be a heart surgeon, which is fine but why does he want to go to England for that? Why does he have to leave me for that?
He just graduated a month ago and now he is leaving me here, alone, to deal with everything. These past 3 years have been wonderful. He is a great guy, has to be my only boy friend and because he doesn't speak much, he is always listening to my long rants without question. Or at least I think he listens.
We have done so many things together. He taught me how to make cookies. Well I just sat on a stool and watched while he did all the work but I still learned. I watched him cook and pack stuff for me and I've never loved someone as much as I loved him.
He even watched Disney princess movies with me. I love how he is not like those stupid boys who think watching princess movies will make them any less of a boy. His favorite I think is tangled. He doesn't say it but I see how he watches it again and again without complain. And even though he is eight years older than me, he never made me feel stupid. Nor did he ever comment on how I look.
A weird woman asked my mother why she doesn't watch what and how much I eat just the other day. Yes, I am chubby but I don't mind it. All the people in class make fun of me, call me weird names but I am still me. Just a different size. I know I am not as pretty as other girls but atleast I am smart. Nobody ever gave me credit for that.
Whenever I get bullied in school, I go to Hades and cry. I tend to cry alot these days but he doesn't complain. He just tells me how those are all idiots and don't know how to value a person like me. That feels great, because I know he values me but now that he is leaving, will we still remain the kind of friends that we are?
"Where are you lost, little one?"
"When will you stop calling me that Hades? I am 10 now." I huff and blink back the tears. He is standing there with a duffel bag on his shoulder. Rest of his stuff is already in the car. He is about to leave.
"When I see you again I won't call you that. I will figure out a different nickname by then." He says with that stupid blank face again. I can't hold in anymore and a tear slips out.
This seems to soften his expression. He comes closer, wipes the tear away and hugs me. I reach till his torso and hold him for dear life. "What am I going to do if someone bullies me again. Who am I gonna go to? Who will tell me they are stupid and I am still the best? Why do you have to go away? Can't you study here? Do you not like me?"
He kneels down and looks me in the eye with a little sadness in his own grey ones. Finally. "If someone bullies you, tell your teacher or better punch them in the face. Learn to defend yourself in every situation Heaven. I can't be with you Everytime something happens. You shouldn't have to go to anyone for anything. You are enough. Always remember that. And don't you know by now that they are stupid? What proof do you need? And I have to go because I always wanted to Heaven. It is my dream. And I have worked to make it come true. You will understand when you work to fulfill your own dream."
"I do have a dream and I will fulfill it. I love you Hades. When you come back and I am of age, I will marry you." Him and I are endgame, nobody can tell me otherwise. We will always stay together. He raises one eyebrow and gives me a weird look.
Well, I said what I said.
"Do you know who Hades is?" He asks.
What kind of a question is this?
"You?"
"No little one. Hades is the Greek God of the underworld. He is the Devil. The devil rules hell, he has nothing to do with heaven. "
"Well you do. You may be Hades, you can even be the devil, I wouldn't care. I will be your Heaven. Always." I give him my million dollar smile with a canine of mine missing.
He gives me a small smile back and looks at me like he won't see me again.
"When will you come back?"
"I don't know, little one."
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20 years old
That was the last time I saw him. Ten years have passed and he never came back.
We used to occasionally talk on the phone for a year after that. But I realized he was busy. I stopped calling when he stopped picking up. He never once called by himself. He didn't care or he was too busy. I wanted to believe it was the second one. But not one call in nine years? Nobody is that busy. He probably forgot about me. Or maybe he does remember me as the weird girl who was stupid enough to think she could marry him. Maybe I scared him off? I don't know. All I know is that, I have this day.
He left 10 years ago on this day and every year just hurts more than the last.
Alot of things changed in the past ten years. Alot of people came and left. I was bullied in school. Alot. I worked on myself and my physique because I wanted to be accepted in the famous group in the school. I had to give up my favorite food, workout like a mad person. And even after all that, people didn't accept me. They thought I was trying too hard. Which was true but wasn't it them who suggested it in the first place?
I stopped after a while. I am satisfied with how I look. If you are not, well then that sounds like a you problem, it's my body and I'll deal with it on my own. I have thick thighs. No gap between them. I have a medium sized waist. Lucky me. But my hips are wide. I can't alter my bone structure. I honestly have the perfect hourglass figure but I do have body fat. I have a pudgy tummy. It's not flat. And that is still an insecurity I have but I am not giving up on delicious unhealthy food. And not to forget my breast. These ladies don't fit anywhere. Bitches are too big. And grab alot of attention. It's good when I need attention but otherwise it's a pain in the ass. Anyways so the bullying happened.
I met my best friend. Alexander. He was bullied in middle school as well. But that dude got some serious makeover by junior year. He was a hotshot for the ladies. But he is a genuine man. He stuck with me, as a friend ofcourse, even after getting popular.
I also made friends with Alia. She is Hades adopted sister. Adorable girl she is. They adopted her a year after Hades left. She is a year younger than I am. She goes to England often to visit her brother along with Jessica, since he never comes here. I got to know there was some clash between him and David, which led him to never return. He could atleast call.
I am studying architecture. It took me a while to find out what I would want to do, but it's great so far.
I also have had two boyfriends. First one was in senior year at school for like three months. He was nice but it just wasn't for us. And one in university.
Purely rubbish. One hell of an asshole he was. Cameron. He even has a stupid name. What was I thinking? Right, I was horny, sad and lonely. Don't judge.
I just thought maybe being with someone could fill the void he left all those years ago. I am still miserable. I did love him, even when I didn't know what that actually meant. And my stupid heart still does. Whrn i see him again, if, I see him again, I will slap him so hard that his ears will ring for hours as after effect. But I also want to kiss him. I have never done that before. I don't even know what he looks like anymore but I miss him and I want him.
Guess we can't always have what we want.
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