Having him on my lap is a feeling that I can't explain. He slept quietly and peacefully. He didn't snore or keep turning, he tests calmly. I couldn't help but adore him. I felt happy and it felt crazy too. I couldn't control my emotions, I felt happy and all I could do was smile. I've been living with my bandmates for almost ten years now, in the same house, same rooms, share beds, and have meals together, make jokes, lay, sing and dance together but none of all that felt close to what I felt right now.
I feel like we should always stay like this, forever. Me admiring him and playing with his hair as he slept peacefully on my lap. It just felt so good thinking about it. In all my life I have never felt this way. It felt like something had been midsjbv all along, someone I have never found in anyone else, not even my bandmates made me feel this way even though they are the closest I've ever been around, but now I think I've found it.
Talking about my bandmates, they are the most important people I have in my life, not leaving my family behind and the person lying on my lap right now. I respect them and love them so much because I've grown up with them and learned everything I know with them, and do all things with them. But this time round I feel something more than that, more than brotherhood, I feel like I want to take care of this person, smile with him, and hold him every day. I feel like he is what I have been waiting for all along.
My love life hasn't been that amazing. The last time I dated someone was when I was in high school. Ever since I've never dared date again. It was clear that I would never date a girl again. No matter how pretty she was, all I can offer is just brotherly love. I don't know why but I just wanted to be like this not until now. No matter how attractive a girl can be I didn't want to involve myself with any, apart from Eun-U. My pretty idol, she's a singer and my favorite musician.
Fans always speculate things, one day they say I'm in love with a fellow bandmate then it goes again I'm secretly dating a girl from another girl group band. I don't pay much attention to these things because they'd just give me unbearable headaches and stress me out.
I was distracted by the tone of a phone ringing. At first, I thought that it was mine because it just had the normal iPhone ringtone. Suddenly he woke up and the phone from his pocket. He received it but then didn't say anything. I guess the caller told him something like he wanted to see him because he hang up and got down from where we were seated. Once he was down he looked at me. What's the thing with his eyes? Is this how he flirts or is it normal?
"Thank you" that's what he said with the same angelic voice. I guess I got numb for a second because on the inside I was all smiles, my heart dancing.
By the time I got back to reality, he was already at the door unlocking it. Why does he like disappearing that fast? I didn't even get to know his name or get his phone number or even at least know where I can see or meet him next because this wasn't enough. How was it enough when I can't even get enough of his beautiful eyes and his smell, his height, and his angelic voice? I had to think of something fast before he disappears from me again.
" I have a house party, forest triage Itaewon on Saturday.....please make sure you come....." I don't even know how I ended up saying please but I guess I had to. He looked at me and I was anxiously waiting for his reply but I was still composed though I know my eyes looked like I was begging him.
"Axel" That's what I heard next then all I saw was his leave and his door locked behind him. Right now I'm confused. I don't know what Axel means. And I've never heard such a word. Was it another language or just an English word meaning no? I'm Korean and studying English has been so difficult and the English I know is the easy one. It left me confused. I took my phone from my pocket immediately and googled Axel. Before the server could respond the door opened. It was my bandmates.
"Jeez...we've been looking for you everywhere you know?.... it's almost an hour now and you were nowhere to be seen," Kim said once he got in. I knew they would look for me and here they were. I've never been wrong about them anyways. Just one more second and the other two burged in.
They all looked a bit worried but once they saw me their happy faces returned. This gets me wondering how or what will happen once we start living on our own, once our contract expires which is in the next two months from now. You can't stay out of sight for a moment without all of them looking for you. It's not bad, I really appreciate that because I too do so but I think it'll be difficult for us to part. I guess it's because we have stayed together for such a long time that we are almost or even more than blood siblings.
Isn't it good anyways? Knowing that you are always safe and that there are people who care about you, people who are always happy around you and make you feel happy too. People who've become more than just bandmates to you. This actually makes me feel like the luckiest person alive to have them. They always care about you, are ready to help anytime, and even though sometimes we argue we always solve our conflicts even though they have never been so serious, I just love how we argue or fight about food or even something that is not so serious, it's always fun.