I couldn't decide if I should apologize or shut up. I decided on option number three. "Thank you for staying last night. I don't think I could have slept without you here."
I stretched and kissed him softly on the cheek. As I pulled back, his eyes caught mine again and I hesitated. Had I overstepped? The air filled with tension and I began to wonder if I'd angered him, but then he lowered his lips to mine and dispelled that fear.
He couldn't be angry and kiss me like this. His lips just barely brushed over mine, just a whisper of contact before he came back for another taste. I couldn't help it; I moaned and wiggled underneath him, my tongue flicking out to catch at his lower lip. His response was instant, crushing me beneath him in a passionate kiss. His body molded itself to mine as he nipped the corner of my mouth. I gasped and he came back to take some more, devouring me with his kiss. His tongue slid against mine and a small moan escaped my throat. I hadn't felt anything like this before. It felt like I was going up in flames everywhere his demanding hands touched me. I wrapped the fingers of one hand in his hair and explored the silken skin of his back with my other. He tasted like sin and I wanted more.
And then he was gone. He jerked himself off me and rolled away until he was on the other side of the bed. It was so abrupt that my senses reeled. I pushed myself up to look at him. He had his eyes closed and his fists clenched in the sheets.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you like that." His voice was low and very growly. He opened his eyes to look at me and I felt a shiver of fear. His eyes had changed to a bright gold color and they looked at me hungrily.
"I didn't exactly ask you to stop, Derek. I was enjoying it."
"It would be wrong now. You are still healing, still hurt from all that has happened. It would be taking advantage of you and we won't do it."
We. He and his wolf. That's who was looking at me with eyes made of gold. A small part of me, deep down inside, hurt from this ... not rejection, really. Distancing. But the logical part of me knew he wasn't trying to hurt me. He was trying to protect me ... even from himself. Just as I was making that connection, he was out of the bed and almost to the door.
"If you can wait an hour or so, I'll make you breakfast."
He closed the door gently behind him. I curled up in that big bed alone and missed his warmth next to me. I refused to cry. I was tired of god damned crying. He was right to stop it, but that didn't mean I had to like it.
How long had it been since I'd been with a man? Over a year, closer to two. But sleeping with Derek would be one big, fat complication right now.
I needed to figure out what I was going to do with this new life, who I was going to be, and how to control this beast inside me that was so ruled by emotion and instinct. Jumping my host just because I was horny and he was available wasn't a terribly smart move.
It wasn't like me. I was generally pretty cautious about men, waiting until I was firmly established in a relationship before having sex. I'd never had a one night stand, never jumped some man I barely knew just because he was hot. It was the wolf in me, it had to be. He was safe. He made us safe. He would take care of us. That he was hitting a 9.6 on the Summers Scale of Awesome didn't hurt either. Not Summers anymore, I thought, now it was Sparks. I had to start thinking of myself as Kimberly Sparks. Yet another change to get used to. I'd just add it to the already long list.
It was weird, but I could sort of feel Derek moving around the house. I couldn't tell exactly what he was doing, but my wolf instincts were telling me he'd gone downstairs. I tried to be as still as possible and I realized I could hear him. He was down in the kitchen ... doing what? Coffee. I heard the machine start brewing, and I knew he was making coffee. The wolf must have excellent hearing, if the coffee pot in the kitchen was audible from my room.