We are not interested in this job, are we?' Rajbir's question, dipped in sarcasm, hit me hard enough to bring me back into the training room for the rest of the day. My manager had seen me peeking in the direction of the pantry for the fifth time.
'It is not that, sir . . . I . . . I . . .' Why do words fail me each time, especially when I need them the most?
Helplessly, I saw my manager collect his things and stomp out of the room, leaving me alone and clueless about the status of my job. Had I finally managed to get myself kicked out of the position? It appeared that I had.
Within seconds I was running behind Rajbir. There he was! I quickly spotted him and my team, and walked up to him fearing the worst. Thankfully, he was called in for an urgent meeting and had no time to scold me further.
Away from Rajbir's prying eyes, I spent the rest of my day trying to understand the requirements of the client. My main aim that day was to get a new laptop from the administrative team by knocking on several doors, and to get various approvals for a permanent desk assigned to me. I did get a chance to interact with my team members as well who, just like me, were not very fond of talking and making new friends.
I will not lie. After seeing Piyush at the pantry, I did get the urge to go and look for him in the training rooms, but I had exhausted my quota of excuses as well as apologies for the day and had to give it a miss. I was unable to spot him anywhere on the floor where I was, for the rest of the day. However, I did find my eyes wandering in the direction of the door as well as the pantry more than a few times while working, in the hope of getting a glimpse of him one more time.
That day I finished work one hour later than the usual time. The training batches left at 8 p.m. and it was 9 p.m. by the time I switched off my new laptop and was packed to head back home. The first thing that I did as soon as I sat in the cab was to dial Saket number to find out Piyush's whereabouts. Saket always knew everything about everyone.
Quite unexpectedly, Saket was too busy to answer my call that evening. I received a text from him five minutes later after he disconnected my call: 'Will call back you in a while----at a friend's place.' It was unlike him, but I did not stress over it.
Who else could I call to check where Piyush is nowadays? I didn't know anyone well enough to be able to check about Piyush without them asking me a Zillion questions regarding my query. He had changed his mobile number three weeks ago. How did I know that? His display picture was no longer where it should have been. This happened three weeks ago.
Zarah, yes, she should know as his boyfriend is Piyush's best friend -----but she is in America. I dialled her number without giving it a second thought. She picked up the call after the third ring.
'Hi, Adira!' she began ,how are you,?
'So, how is life?' I had to talk about general things before getting to the point.
'Life is good, but I miss india. . . ' There was a hint of sadness which was a first. Zarah managed to stay happy and motivated no matter what the situation was. She was the star of our friend circle, and hearing her voice stricken with sadness and worry was very confusing for me. She was in America; studying and living at the expense of her father. What else does one want in life?
'But why?' I asked. Isn't America the best place in the world to be? I thought everyone wants to fulfil their big American dream, and you were dying to go to America forever, remember?'
'It is quite amazing, Adira. The place is lovely, scenic even. There is great infrastructure in place, the roads are good, people are nice and the weather right now is amazing. But I still feel every now and then that something is missing.'
'What is missing, girl? Power cuts? Traffic jams?' I teased her.
'No, and for your information---there are traffic jams here as well, terrible ones at certain hours of the day. America is all that I dreamt of, it is what I thought I want, but now I know that it is not what I need. How do I put it---- it is not India.' I thought I heard the big girl supress a sob and decided to lighten her mood a little.
'Do you have a foreign boyfriend? Shall I tell Rohit about him.
'Shut up!' she was irked by my comment. 'He knows that I will not think of anyone other than him. Moreover, I have something to till you. But not now.'
'So, what is he up to nowadays?' I asked with genuine curiosity.
She sounded thrilled to talk about Rohit, and it also achieved my purpose, so I encouraged her to talk more. Zarah informed me that Rohit had joined a company in Delhi. And the big news which she wanted to share was that she had decided to visit India in a few months to get married to Rohit so that she could take him along to America. This was to be announced in a week's time. Then she added that she was late for her school and told me that she had only a few more minutes to talk. Ask her, the voice in my head ordered.
'So do you have any news on Piyush?' I asked her, and then held my breath half knowing what was to follow.
'Are you still hung up on him?' I heard her laugh her signature weird laugh for the next few seconds while I continually rolled my eyes at her childish behaviour on the other end. She took a while to settle down and then began with her usual lecture on how I was a fool to be thinking that my one-sided love could get me anything more than pain and embarrassment. Every time this topic came up, she thought it was her duty to remind me about the difference between Piyush and me, and how I was not the type of a girl a boy like him would want to date. That day, too our conversation was no different.
How could I tell her that my love for Piyush was not dependent or whether it was being nurtured by his love in return? He might or might not love me back as I was not 'his type'. I loved him despite all odds as loving him madly, the way I did, was natural for me. He was like sunshine to me, and I , like a sunflower, was happy looking at him from afar.
I cursed myself through her banter for bringing up Piyush's name. I should have waited for Saket to call me back. If I could, I would have kicked myself in the ass for my impulsiveness. Finally, her time was up; she had to rush to catch a train, so she ended the conversation, telling me that she would let me know if she got to know anything about Piyush whereabouts, which I knew was a lie. As I put the phone in my bag, I wondered why there was still no call from Saket.
I reached home at 10:30 p.m. and went straight into my bedroom. 'Have some food,' my mother called after me, but. I bolted the door from inside, telling her that I was not hungry.
'I have had food at work,' I lied to her so that she would not worry all night about me and my empty stomach.
That night, I tossed and turned in my bed, trying to get some rest after a long and tiring day at work, but even sleep was not kind to me. Every time I closed my eyes, Piyush's handsome face popped up in front of me. I recalled the day we had coffee together and he left me alone at that coffee table.