"We walk." Teddy shined his light down the passageway. "Basic rule of survival is to keep moving. We know what we have here—we don't know what the tunnel could lead to… if we run into trouble down there, we come back here and work the problem." Teddy shined his light back into the room.
"What problem?" Joshua's voice was low with self-loathing.
"Why your hand didn't work this time." Teddy shined his light on Joshua. He could see the boy was blaming himself. "It's not your fault. We must be missing something. Maybe the earthquake messed up the door's mechanism, maybe it only works once for each person, maybe you couldn't get your hand positioned right…"
"We were so close! If only it had worked, we'd be sitting on the boat with Caleb and Uncle Stu right now—why didn't it work?" Joshua shrieked his last few words. He was scared and he should be—this was way too much adventure for a grown man, much less an adolescent boy.
"I know what you are feeling, but I've come to learn that life is contingent—we are truly at risk every moment of every day—people just construct imaginary castles to protect themselves. They think if they have a good job, a steady paycheck, if they own their own home, or have a good education to fall back on, they are secure. And then they get the phone call: cancer."
"Suddenly, all the rest means nothing."
"But aren't they more secure? I'd rather be on the Olivia eating cereal with Caleb than down here hoping the air doesn't run out!" Exasperation forced Joshua's words out in a rush.
"Yes and no. They feel more secure and feeling secure is a kind of security that is important. We need to feel like we can have some legitimate expectations about where our next meal is coming from and God knows this—that is why He promises the sun will rise everyday and it will rain in season until Jesus returns.
But things can also change in an instant, for good or for bad—the only true security is that we know Jesus loves us and promises to work all things together for our good."
"How can being trapped underground possibly work out for our good?" Joshua's question was genuine; his fear was also.
"Ultimately, if we die—as we almost did in this room—we see our Lord and Savior in heaven. But… we didn't die. He kept us alive, He gave us a way out. Now, He is directing us down this tunnel." Teddy was preaching to himself as much as his son. He reflected how often that was the case—God gave him things to say to others that he really needed to hear himself.
"How do you know He wants us to go down the tunnel?" Joshua said hopefully. It was clear that the boy was willing to believe, even wanted to believe.
"Because the door didn't open." Teddy chuckled in spite of himself. "Leave the tanks here, they are too heavy to carry. Take all the clothing you have, I am worried about staying warm. Bring all lights, your knife, flares, rope, line, anything that might help us. Leave your fins. We'll walk in our booties."
Teddy checked through the pockets of their vests one last time, turned and started walking down the tunnel beside his eldest son. He thought again about what he had said: everything can change in an instant, for good or bad.
Far from feeling secure in his cubicle in the office building owned by the global corporation, he had felt trapped. Trapped by the monotony, trapped by the low expectations for life, trapped by the false sense of security that was constantly being threatened as a way of motivating the workers to deeper and deeper sacrifice.
Everybody was mindlessly giving everything they had to get something they didn't really want. The sad truth of the supposedly secure life is that if you do manage to live in that security until you die, you realize too late that your soul died long ago.
"You want to keep your light on or shall we use mine? We should conserve our batteries." They had reached the level part of the tunnel and they could see that it travelled into the distance beyond the reach of their beams.
"Let's use yours." Joshua switched his light off and they started walking at a brisk but relaxed pace. "Dad?"
"Yes?"
"You believe God wants us here in this tunnel and that He has us here because it's better for us than being on the surface with Uncle Stu and Caleb?"
"I know He wants us here because we are here. I believe it is better for us to be here than up there and for all I know it might be better for Uncle Stu and Caleb. It took me a long time to realize that I can't see the future—God can—I can speculate, I should plan, but ultimately I have the choice of trusting in myself or in God. There is no other choice."
"You choose to trust in God?" Joshua queried.
"I choose to trust in God. I remake that choice everyday, sometimes every hour." Teddy couldn't help but notice that he was walking and talking with his eldest son working through some of the most difficult ultimate life questions.
He had dreamed about doing this all these years but never pursued it because they always seemed to be too busy or distracted. What irony that God had to put them in an ancient tunnel one hundred feet below the ocean's surface before he and his son would just walk and talk together.
"But He took mom."
"Yes, He did. That one is a hard one for me too. She was so precious."
"How do you reconcile that with a loving God?"
"I don't start there. I start with the fact that He gave her to me in the first place. I start with the fact that He gave me life I couldn't give myself, gave the same to her and brought us together amongst billions and billions of people—He brought us together. I remind myself that He gave us enough time to have four of the most amazing sons a father could hope for—once I start counting my blessings, I always feel a bit ashamed for accusing God for the one thing that didn't quite go my way."
"Mom, died. I'd say that was a pretty big thing that didn't go our way!" Joshua couldn't hold back his anger.
"I know. I know. Tell Him how you feel. I know I have, over and over again. He is probably tired of hearing from me. While you are telling Him, remember that He didn't create death, we did. But He offers us life—new life here on earth and eternal life with Him in heaven. Mom has that now." Teddy envisioned her walking in the Garden of Eden.
"I miss her."
"So do I, Son."