"Hey Brian, how are you doing?" I ask as I walk into his office.
"Hey Lirael. What's up?" Brian get's up from his desk, surprised by my visit, his brows pinched in light concern.
"Well, obviously, I needed to talk." I shrug it off, just in case he's busy. He's not open for long on Saturdays as it is.
He sits back down and checks his schedule, "Sure, I've got another hour until my next appointment. What's the matter? Lance getting on your nerves?" He chuckles, but quickly takes in my demeanor and the change in my smile at his words.
"Shit... What's he done?" Brian asks in all seriousness.
"Well, he's not really done anything, not serious, it's just little things I'm noticing..." I wring my hands, but catch myself and just take a few breaths to calm my thoughts.
"First off, Lirael, take a seat." Brian gestures to the chair across from him, and I feel my self flush.
"Yeah, guess I should right?" I force an awkward smile out and take the seat.
"Now, go ahead and just start off by telling me what's bothering you, then explain by the things he's doing that are causing you to feel this way? Okay?" Brian suggests, pulling his notepad and pen out.
I sigh, "I feel good, honestly." I give a shy smile, "I look forward to getting off of work, making dinner, having a few laughs, and even some fun." I shrug at the confused look on Brian's face.
"I know silly, right? Then why am I here?" I try to laugh it off like I am just being silly.
"No, somethings making you uncomfortable, otherwise you wouldn't be here right now. That's not silly." Brian reassures me.
"He's been great, really, he has. Respectful, considerate, accommodating, and he's been making me feel... just you know .. cared for." I dance around my words, not wanting to say it and ruin it all in my head.
"Cared for..." Brian nods, "Well, of course, you're friends, you've been helping him out during the fiasco with the club, of course he's going to show you his appreciation in whatever way he can."
I attempt to soak that view of the situation in, that he's just showing his appreciation.
"So what's going on that's causing your anxiety?" Brian inquires.
I start to play with my thumb, as I gather those thoughts together, "He tells me how beautiful I am... How he loves my reactions... I'm a goddess, that he loves how I get so hot and bothered thinking about him when I'm at work..." I turn beat red, embarrassed to be telling Brian the more intimate areas of my situation, but I know that's what he's here for to help me through.
Brian shuffles in his seat, catching my eye, and he waves it off, "I was just getting comfortable, go on, if there's anything else you'd like to add."
"I had a flashback last night. It wasn't too bad, Lance pulled me out of it fairly quickly."
Brian sits up a little straighter, "What happened to trigger it? Do you know?" His brows pinch together as he writes a few things down.
I let out a deep breath before I inform him, "Lance was upset at the company's insurance trying to deny part of the damage claims, and he was pretty tense. I reached out to hold his hand, and he let me, but when I went to pull it back, because I didn't see a reaction from him... I think he went to grab it back but... I'm not sure what happened after that." I look down at my hands, that I've been playing with my thumb nails again, that I'm going to have trim my cuticle that I've pulled loose.
"Is that when you experienced the flash back?" Brian asks, standing up and coming around the table to push my chin back up to talk to him.
I nod, " Yes. Lance pulled me out of it and took me upstairs to help calm me down, but found out my little surprise I had for him under my clothes." I cover my face with my hand, and peek in between my fingers at Brian.
He clears his throat as he stands to lean against his desk.
"Oh, I'm sure that was a pleasant surprise." Brian clears his throat again, making my cheeks heat up again.
"Well you know me." I giggle, trying to play it off.
Brian crosses his arms and gives me a pointed look, as if saying, 'nice try.' He shuffles his feet and sighs out, "Yes, I do know you Lirael, and I also know that you've been becoming more easily, flushed, lately. Not to say your confidence is lacking, but you've become more reserved when it comes to anything involving Lance. Are you starting to feel things outside of your normal range of emotions that you allow yourself to feel?"
I feel like I immediately pull myself in to a tight ball, even though I'm still sitting in the chair.
I squeak out, "Not on purpose. Only when he does things that make it really hard not too."
Brian sits down in the chair next to me and puts a hand on my shoulder, "It's okay to have emotional responses to someone. Give me an example of the most recent time."
I take in a deep breath and slowly let it out, "Last night, he said that he loved everything about me. Right as we were climaxing."
There's silence in the room for a few seconds and finally Brian makes a odd noise.
"Well, that would cause most to have an emotional response to someone. I'm sure after your flashback though, he was trying to reassure you that you're safe and loved. I wouldn't read too much into it at this moment. Alright? If it still continues on, come talk to me some more. I've got to get ready for my next client though, who should be here shortly." Brian helps me stand and gives me a quick hug.
"Thanks for listening, Brian. I appreciate it." I give him a genuine smile as I head out the door.
"No problem, you're welcome anytime." Brian waves bye as I head to my car.
I'm driving back to my place, repeating to myself, "Don't read too much into it, don't read too much into it." When I get a call from Lance.
"Hey? What's up?" I ask.
"Good news!" He exclaims from his end of the line.