"Hello, Officer Jenkins." I answer the phone and put it on speaker for Lance to hear what's being said.
"Evening Ms. Evans. Is this a bad time?" He asks.
"No, the time is fine, I'm at home."
Jenkins clears his throat and goes on, "Good. Well, we, uh, found the person responsible for the hit and run of Mr. Porter. We have her in custody. She turned herself in after seeing the news broadcast earlier today. That's all I can divulge on the matter, but I thought you'd like to know."
Oh.
"Thank you for letting me know, Officer Jenkins. I appreciate it." I quickly tell him.
"Not a problem, Ms. Evans. Try to have a pleasant evening, ma'am."
We hang up and I set my phone down. I feel oddly empty.
The person responsible for Carson's death, turned themself in.
Shouldn't I feel something?
"Well, at least the person responsible stepped forward and some form of justice will be dealt." Lance turns to finish drying the dishes.
I set the phone down, not even thinking about what I'm doing, and turn to face Lance's back.
I don't like this empty feeling.
Before I even realize what I'm doing, it's done. My arms are wrapped around Lance's waist holding him firmly, hugging him for comfort.
Setting down the dish and towel, he places his hands on mine and pulls them apart.
Ouch, he didn't have to pull my hands off him like that. Wait, why did I hug him? I don't know why I did that?!
I go to pull my hands away from his grasp, "Sorry." I mumble, but my hands stay in his.
He turns and wraps my arms back around him and envelopes me in his own arms, resting his chin on the side of my head.
"You don't have to apologize. I believe that is the first time I have ever known you to hug someone for comfort, that wasn't part of aftercare." Lance pulls his head back to look at me before he begins to blink in realization.
I hide my face, ashamed at this unconscious reaction I had that showed my vulnerability, at that moment.
"I'm okay now." I say leaving my head down, "You can let me go. I'm going to go take a bath." I detach myself from his arms and quietly head upstairs to my bathroom.
I can't believe I just did that?! Man, I'm an idiot.
I turn my music on in my bathroom, needing something to distract my mind.
"...keep a record of the wreckage of my life.." I sing along with the song as the water fills, undressing as I go.
By the time the next song is on, I'm slipping into the water. It's one of my favorites so I sing along with the whole thing, "I wish I had a reason, my flaws were open season, for this I gave up trying, one good turn deserves my time..."
I think about what Lance offered again. It's a normal contract really, except for the lies we have been portraying and telling his mother.
She could get better, then what would we do? Lance and his uncle don't seem to have any high expectations... I'm afraid though, if we fake it for long enough, we might actually start feeling that we are dating. What if he's okay with that?
I shake my head scolding myself internally.
Stop that Lirael, you know better than that. It would be fine until he found out more of the truth. Then he would be like Noah or Wyatt and realize I'm more fucked up than he thought.
But what if he didn't think that way? What if he actually didn't care? What if? Yeah..., what if Lirael..., Do you remember where 'what if' took you last time you kept asking yourself that?
I wipe my eyes that start to water.
Yeah that's right, no one could actually feel that way about me. That's why I do what I am good at. Sex. Only sex, no emotions. My submissive partners should not need anything more than sex and aftercare.
The sex is pretty great with Lance though.... Maybe as long as we both ask and answer each other enough questions, we can find a way to make both of us satisfied with a contract?
"and all the talk, and all the lies, were all the empty things, disguised as me..."
I dunk my head under the water with the lyrics of the song. I let the water soothe me, letting my nose rest above the water to breathe. I didn't put any bubbles or soap in the bath yet, so I slowly open my eyes.
Lance's head pops into view, making me sit up.
"Hey, sorry your phone was ringing. It's Brian, so I answered it." He has a towel and my phone that on.
"Oh thank you." I take the towel, quickly drying my face and hand before taking the phone.
"Hello Brian. What's up?" I ask, turning my music down.
"Hey, I was calling to check up on you. How are you doing today?"
"I'm f..." I start, catching myself because he hates the word. But I remember what Lance offered and say fuck it. "Fine." I say it assuredly.
His audible intake of breath tells me he caught my hesitancy but confirmed how I was feeling first. "Alright. Are you comfortable talking right now?" He asks, concerned.
"No, right now I'm in the bath. Officer Jenkins called me. The person who hit Carson turned themselves in." I sigh heavily, feeling the weight of my words.
He is silent for a moment before asking me, "Do you want to talk to me next week professionally or as a friend?"
"Both." I sigh out, playing with the skin around my thumb nail.
"Lirael, you should not blame yourself for what happened to Carson..." Brian starts to tell me, but I have to cut him off.
"It's not just that."
"Okay... then. I get it. We will talk this next week. I'll come over Tuesday night?" He suggests.
"Sure Brian, that would be great. I'll talk to you later then. Bye."
I hang up and turn my music back on, sinking back into the water. After two more songs play through, I go ahead and climb out, dry off and go to pick out something to wear. I need to get some of this anxiety off of my chest.
What better way to help relieve some of this anxiety than punishing Lance for not being unable to control himself earlier?
I grab the naughtiest teasing outfit I have, knowing that it will be perfect. I slide the mid thigh length, black, lace dress that is see through except for strategically placed laced. I slip into my thigh high black panty hose, and put on my black, stiletto heels.
I leave my towel dried hair down, using my hands to scrunch it up lightly. Spritz myself with my favorite perfume and touch up my eyes with some mascara and give my lips some moisture.
"Perfect." I say to myself, and walk downstairs to find Lance watching something on tv.
He doesn't see me at first, but when he does, his eyes grow to the size of saucers.
He turns the tv off and sits up straight, never breaking his eyes away from me.
"Wow." He says it so quietly, I almost didn't catch it.