"You're not going to like what I'm going to tell you." I cross my arms and sigh heavily.
"That means we need a drink, come on." She tugs me to the kitchen and pours us each a glass of booze on ice.
"Let's get comfortable." She tugs me again into the living room and plops on the sofa, cross legged, clutching her glass of whiskey.
I sigh and take a deep breath. "SO.. What exactly do you want to know?" The tinkle of ice melting in the glass and hitting the side is all I hear before Kim gathers her thoughts.
Finally, she asks me, " What's holding you back from starting something more than a contract with Lance?"
I have no problem answering this question, "We both have a stipulations that require that either party refrain from developing romantic emotions concerning the other." I shrug.
A roll of the eyes greets my answer before she looks at me like a mother who's caught you in a lie and is about to call you out on your bullshit.
"Why the stipulation?" She leans closer.
"We've both been hurt before and neither one of us wants to experience that any time soon."
Kim makes a noise sounding like tea kettle whistling, "That must have been some hellish relationships."
Scoffing lightly, I raise my glass to my lips, "That's an accurate description though, for me at least." I take a long drink as Kim reads me with her eyes.
"Care to elaborate?" She scoots closer to me on the couch, her interest clearly piqued.
I sigh heavily, "Long story short, I was 15 when this happened. I was young and stupid, liked to party and thought those bad things that happen, only happened to others. I was tied up and raped, for hours.... I was sliced with a blade from my chin to my pussy, not deep, but enough to scare the shit out of me. When someone showed up, he released me but my horror didn't end there. He found out where I lived and kept coming over. Telling me, I had enraptured him with how beautiful I was and how sexy I looked when he was inside me."
Tears fell down my cheeks, but I didn't bother wiping them away as I continued.
"I was scared and when I tried telling my mother... she was drunk, as she always was, and didn't believe me. She never did believe me when I was that age though. It's partially my fault for being young and stupid about my choices in life, but I couldn't believe she thought I would ever lie about something like that."
I take a long drink and breathe out from the alcohol hitting my stomach. "I don't know what was going through my mind when I made the decision to voluntarily sleep with that guy again. Probably, that if I slept with him willingly, he would leave me alone."
A harsh short laugh burst from my chest. "Boy! Was I wrong!"
I finished my glass and went up to get the bottle and brought it over, filling up my glass and then Kim's.
"That guy fucked with my head so badly. He convinced me, that we were in love, he tied me up and would do horrible things to me, things a fifteen year old shouldn't have to experience. He got me high on drugs, which made my will to get out or away from him non-existent. This went on for three years. He would ... share me... sometimes and then turn around and accuse me of wanting the other person more and beating me in his rage. I woke up one time, in the hospital and it had been three days since I had been admitted. I woke up and could not recognize the person in the mirror, when I looked. I was sickly thin, covered in swollen bruises, black eyes, cuts. Then come to find out one of my friends killed herself coming down off drugs. I didn't want to continue down that same path. If I didn't kill myself because of what he was putting me through, he would."
I'm numb as I tell her, staring off into space, feeling the tears that fall from my eyes and down my cheeks, drip onto my arms.
"I told this little old lady who would visit the rooms and talk to people, all about what had been happening to me. She helped me get the right people in the hospital to come talk to me and got me help. He was arrested, charged and thrown in prison for a multitude of things. I got clean and got my medical billing license and moved far away, found a good therapist, changed my last name and well," I raise my glass to her, "here you see me."
I raise my hands motioning to my home and then me.
Kim is quiet as she looks at me, eyes wide, sad, full of tears that threaten to fall. She blinks a few times at me before she throws her arms around me and holds me tight.
"I will not push you anymore on the subject. I understand now." She whispers as I sit there frozen from the intimate contact from her.
She understands me?... She understands me now..
My tears fall heavily and relax letting her hold me as I sob.
Once we both calmed down, I was not sure I could take her home. I was wobbling on my feet.
"I can't drive, you want me to call you an Uber?" I offer.
She shakes her head, "Nope. Already called my hubby, I'm staying here with you tonight. That was some heavy shit you just told me and I'm not leaving you alone. It doesn't help the past, but damn it, I won't abandon you to work through these emotions on your own. I'm here for you." She says firmly, knowing that I would most likely protest.
"I... uh.. Thank you." I give her a half hearted smile that last a second before suggesting, "Let's go to bed, we still have work tomorrow. I'll get you something to sleep in."
I take her back to my room and pull out some sleep clothes, which she immediately puts on and climbs into my bed.
Oh.. I was going to make up the guest bed. Oh well, I'm too drained to bother about it.
I fill my glass of water and down half of it before climbing into the bed with her. She curls up around me and I welcome the touch, willingly curling my arms around her back as well.
For the first time in a very long time, I felt comforted and loved.
I fell asleep quickly, wishing that I felt this way everyday.
We awoke still holding each other with the blaring of my alarm, which I quickly rolled over and turned off. Sitting up and stretching, I poked her.
"Hey, time to wake up Kim."
Grumbling, she started moving, "I'm getting up. I need coffee though."
"I got you. Cream? Sugar?"
"Sugar, light creamer. Thank you."
I didn't feel hungover, I felt lighter than air actually. It was amazing.
After all this time of living with so much baggage, maybe I just needed to trust someone to share my experience with?
That understood me.
Kim joins me downstairs at the table as I am cooking up a light breakfast of eggs and toast.
"You don't mind stopping at my place to change into some clothes do you?" Kim asks as we finish up breakfast.
"Not at all. We have time." I smile over my coffee.
She takes a double take at me and remarks, "You seem different today."
"I feel different, better, I guess I needed to vent last night." I wave it off.
"Do you still talk to your therapist?"
"Yes. Why?" I take our plates and wash them off to put them into the rack to dry.
"Because if you needed to vent, I would have imagined you would do it with them instead of me. Thank you for trusting me to drop your shield, though. I know that was not easy to tell me last night." She comes up beside me and puts her arms around my waist.
I return her hug and look at the clock. "We better get going if we're to stop at your place."