I was still upset when I went home after being at Lances. I hated feeling trapped and vulnerable for any length of time like that. Like I couldn't get away. It had me trembling now that I was alone again, trying to get a grip on my emotions.
I couldn't scold him or get upset with him. the second he realized something wasn't right he switched our positions and put me back in a better headspace but only temporarily.
"I was not in danger, it was just a few moments." My lips tremble in the mirror, and just like that, I'm in the shower scrubbing myself clean, again.
Washing away at the marks, the marks I know are not there anymore, have not been there in years.
I have to stop this. I'm going to rub myself raw again.
I turn the water off and dry off, get dressed and do my hair and makeup. I'm wearing a dark blue flowy, button up, long sleeve, high necked blouse with a front keyhole under the button collar. I slip on my mid calf length, black, pencil skirt with the long slit in the back, over my nude thigh high stockings. I slid my 2 inch, red bottomed stillettos over my feet before grabbing my phone and giving Lance a call.
"Hello?" He picks up after the second ring.
"Hey Lance, it's not a bad time is it?" I ask.
"No, you're fine, Lirael. What's up?" He asks, and by the rustling and click of a door in the background, he's had to step out of a room.
"I'm not in the right headspace tonight to be taking on my friend tonight... Can you use some kind of excuse as getting to know them as a couple and what parts they will play at the club? I don't want her to get the wrong idea and think I don't want to, I do, just not tonight. I think I'll be too much for her to night." I explain quickly.
"Yeah of course I can do that for you Lirael..."
Voices can be heard in the background.
"Lirael, I'll see you in about an hour, we will talk then. Bye." Lance rushes to get off the phone.
An hour.... What should I do with myself for an hour?
I sit back and start playing on my phone. Checking my emails, I start deleting some but stop when I see one from my boss, Mr. Henderson.
-Sorry about earlier, I did not expect to see you at my nephews. Please try to understand we as a family are going through a rough time, I'm sure Lance has told you, and emotions have been a rollercoaster ride. I apologize for speaking the way I did about you. See you on Monday.
Jim Henderson-
Ugh.... This is going to be interesting. At least he apologized to me.
I think of a way to respond, since this is my boss, and decide to keep it short and sweet.
-Mr. Henderson,
Thank you for apologizing. Yes, Lance has informed me about his mother, your sister. You have my dearest sympathy and hope for the best with her health. I will see you on Monday.
Lirael-
I send it off and decide to head a little early to the club.
I can use a drink.
.....
"Here you are, beautiful Mistress." Simon hands me another whiskey on ice, as I wait for Lance.
"Thank you, Simon." I nod and accept my drink as I relax at the end of the bar.
It's nice and dark on this end, leaving my view of the entire bar with out being seen immediately.
The way I like it right now.
"Mistress Lirael, you look so forlorn here in the dark by yourself." Brian purrs near my ear, making me turn to him.
"Or maybe I was waiting alone on purpose, Brian. Can I help you with something?"
He laughs and shakes his head, "No, dear. I just noticed you didn't seem to be here in the club, tonight. Are you alright? You normally don't snap at me." Brian asks a little taken aback.
I sigh, "Sorry about that, I just have been in a slight funk since earlier today."
Brian nods, becoming more serious.
"Why don't we go to my office and talk? You're due for your psych evaluation again anyways." His demeanor becomes professional, ready to do his job.
I turn to Brian and chew my lip. " As much as I'd like to talk, I'm waiting for Lance and my friend to get here. I know I need to do my evaluation. I will soon, promise. "
He nods, " Okay, as long as you do it soon. You know your requirements to continue here. I'll leave you to wait in peace. I'll see you soon, Lirael."
"Thank you, Brian." I watch him leave, my thoughts still jumbled from my emotions earlier.
Brian is the one who introduced me to this place, years ago, when I was still in college. He was my therapist, and after explaining my hang ups in relationships and him knowing my past, suggested this club to me. As a way to vent my self and see if I could handle sex in a more controlled environment. It took me a few months to get the courage to step in here and made Brian stay by my side the first few times I came. He offered to let me try out anything on him, but I couldn't because he was my therapist. I felt like I could not talk to him if I did.
We ended up with Lance being my first in this world. It was just for one night, and we had not done it again. Brian had suggested I try being submissive to go through my emotions again, that I could handle it.
I could not handle it. Lance was a sweetheart even then, holding me together and calming me down after he took me out of the bindings, when I started to have a panic attack. Afterwards, he instructed me in being a Dom and when I was unsure of myself on what to do, he took me through the steps and let me unleash Mistress for the first time.
I have Brian and Lance to thank for helping me find Mistress in myself. My life became bearable and I was able to control my emotions and thoughts, leaving behind my memories from my teenage years, that had tormented me for so long.
Since then, the only time I've needed to see Brian is my yearly psych review, one of the terms of my contract. Most members only have to do one when they first join. Brian felt it was therapeutic enough after a while, but still wanted to make sure I was alright.
I've been through some submissives since then, hence my no strings attached clause. This has helped me with sex, but not the relationship side of my life.
I motion to Simon for another drink and receive it just as Lance walks in with Kim and the man I assume is her husband.
I wave to catch their attention and ready myself for the coming conversation.
"So we ask that you understand why we require you both to be mere voyeurs. We have to make sure you're not going to have relationship issues that arise from here, because we are not trying to disrupt anyone's lives here." Lance explains to Kim and her husband Jim.
Jim was quiet but seemed confident and open about the whole process and willing to be a part of it.
"Sounds good to me. Are we watching you two tonight?" He asks, looking around at the club that had been slowly gaining other members, filling the bar area with all different types of kinks on display.
"I thought it would be a good idea for you to watch another couple, that may suit you and your wife's dynamics." Lance motions towards two people who have been stealing glances our way.
As they get closer I recognize them. It's Charlotte and her husband Robert. She's a submissive like Kim and her husband is a switch. They are both not shy in front of others, perfect for Jim and Kim to watch.
"Lotte, Robert, how are you both doing tonight?" I ask saying hello with a quick kiss on each of their cheeks.
We go through the normal rapport, introducing them to each other and get a contract signed between them. We bid them adieu so they can have fun in their own room, before Lance turns to me.
"Care to adjourn to our own room?"
I look at my seventh empty glass of the night and nod, "Yes, but let's get a drink for the room."
Lance nods and motions to Simon, who's quick to fill our glasses.
In the room, we start preparing our prepped play table with goodies but I tell Lance to not bother with outfits.
"Why what's up?" He asks raising a curious brow at me.
Smiling, I nudge his shoulder and take a sip from my glass. "I want to do something different."
Both of his eyes widen subtly as he grins, "
Oh? What would that entail?"
I Bluetooth some music on and it's slow but sensual.
"I want to play by us taking turns slowly stripping each other's clothes off, dancing."
His jaw drops, a giddy smile on his lips before re clears his throat and gets serious. "Now that's something different."