I regretted my decisions. Ronalt, Earnest, Lara, Ardent, Taylor and even Marley… they were all stronger than me and it was painfully clear. I spent my morning with Ronalt and my afternoon with Earnest. I also spent most of that time lying in the ground. And now alone I sat in a tavern nursing my ego with alcohol. I'll make it clear, I knew I was weak but I thought with the amount of potions I had made it would last me till the invasion. I ran out of them before I could even notice. In fact my side was still sporting a hefty bruise. To them I was like a punching bag for exercise, though at least a bag could take a few more hits.
"Bartender another please," I raised my empty glass. The man nodded and poured the amber liquid into a new glass before sliding it to me deftly. I sipped it and let the strong taste burn down my throat.
"So what brings you here?" the man came closer deciding to talk. About right considering it was still quite early and the place was quiet. Include that this was my third glass and he thought I probably deserved the attention.
"Staying awhile while they fix my carriage," I answered and held the glass up towards the light admiring the way the colour shone through.
"North, east or south?"
I smirked, "If I said west?"
The man laughed boisterously, "Maybe you've had a few too many if that were true."
"Maybe I haven't had enough," I drained the glass and gestured for another.
"Slow down boy. You might be young but you haven't even been here half an hour. That's the local specialty, it's stronger than the usual mix." Despite his warning he poured out another. A paying customer was a paying customer after all.
"It's good," I complimented the drink favourably. "There's a slight burn but the after taste is smooth. Do you smoke it?"
"Trade secret," he winked. "You a driver or passenger?"
"Driver," I answered easily, the alcohol loosening my tongue and smile. "You know the roads aren't too safe these days. I've been killed Goddess knows how many times."
"Killed? You look quite alive to me."
"Then I've fooled you," I laughed. "Bandits, demons, my own companions, that Goddess be damned Monster…. Until you experience it you don't realise how fragile your life really is."
"Sounds rough," the man nodded along.
"I like you," I pointed to him. "What's your name?"
"Arston, yours?"
"Rain."
"A pleasure to meet you Rain."
"The pleasure is all mine Arston," I grinned giddily. "Ah it's is empty…." I pointed my glass to him.
"Damn do you go through those quickly," he poured me another. "If you joined in the competition you might just win."
"Oh? I like competitions," I sipped at the new drink happily. My worries seemed so far away right now and Arston was fun to talk to. He didn't know me, he didn't even really care, and there was no reason for him to kill me.
"Well if you're still here in a week's time we'll be having our annual Greytree parade. The man and lady who drinks the most are crowned King and Queen."
"Sounds like my kind of parade."
"You should really consider it," Arston smiled. "The main streets are decorated and we even light fires during the night. It's almost as if the whole town is alive from all the noise."
I felt my grip on the glass tighten, "Yeah… I think I know what that would look like."
"There's nothing quite like it."
"I agree… next week you said right?" I looked at Arston the mirth in my eyes hollow.
"Um yeah…," he was taken aback.
"Hopefully you get the chance to celebrate," I drained the glass. "One more for the road?"
His expression cramped, "You've had enough."
"Probably," I hefted myself from the stool and dropped a few coins on the bar. "Good luck for the future Arston. Try not to die."
My legs led me loosely to the door and into the early evening sky outside. It was still light out and people walked the streets not giving a damn that their lives would be snubbed out. I wanted to scream at them to run, to leave, to go anywhere but here. This place was doomed. Their soldiers couldn't find the demons and would crumble against the pressure. Even now I could see the flames licking at their feet, hear the screams that would echo from their lips in their last moments. Why couldn't they see it? Why wouldn't they run? I'd do what Ardent wanted, I'd save them all… then when they were gone I'd have nothing to worry about. Lara wouldn't fall to hostages, Earnest would have no reason to leave, and my life wouldn't need to be sacrificed.
I opened my mouth to scream but I was beat to the point.
"Rain there you are," her voice was sweet. An innocent tone that rang like a bell.
"And there 'you' are," I faced her frowning. "You and you're- you and you're damn it all pure save the world bullshit."
"What?" she looked at me surprised. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I knocked away her hand and moved away from the streets into the darker alleys. She followed me like a persistent fly.
"Hey you've been acting a little weird lately. Training is fine but it doesn't feel like you. No offense but I feel like you're kind of lazier. Ah sorry maybe not lazy but-,"
I spun around, "And just what makes you think you know me?"
"Umm Rain?" she flinched.
I pushed her against the wall my hands either side of her as she squeezed in on herself flustered, "I asked you a question."
"No- I mean… Rain you're starting to scare me."
"Me scare you?" I laughed spitefully. "Push me away then. Fling me across the street, throw me through the wall, send me into the sky! I know you can. All of you can. Just with a simple flick you could kill me. I'm nothing but a bug beneath your boots. Go on, do it!"
Her eyes didn't flare in anger not did they seep into coldness. They stayed the same, innocent and clear, "Rain are you drunk?"
"So what if I am?" I moved away. "Is it so wrong of me to get frustrated and go for a drink?"
"Nothing's wrong with that… just, why are you frustrated?" she stood still not making any attempt to leave or run away.
"It's nothing."
"It's obviously not."
"I said it's nothing!" I grit my teeth at her. Why couldn't she just leave me alone?
Instead she smiled, "You know, I don't mind this side of you."
"What?"
"You're always hiding how you really feel but right now you're like anyone else."
"I haven't hid anything," my head pounded as I glared at her. It was a clear lie, the biggest lie I'd ever told. From my first few days with them to now. Just how much do you think I changed? From disregarding them entirely and dying pitifully to worming my way into their group just so I had a better chance at survival. I hated myself for it. Even now I was useless, weak compared to them. In the end all I could do was die. Argh, my head was starting to hurt. Arston was right I shouldn't have drunk so much too quickly.
"You're not weak," the words penetrated my ear. "That's why you're frustrated right?"
"Don't go assuming things," I turned back around.
"I'll admit compared to us you're not much or at least right now you aren't. Like you said I could crush you under my boots." Her tone mellowed. "But that's all I can do. They call me a Hero but other than my brute strength what else do I have? That's not very heroic isn't it? You on the other hand. You can do so many things we can't. No matter where you go someone would need you. Isn't that something you should be proud of?"
I stood there saying nothing. She wasn't wrong but she also wasn't right. This world wasn't as simple as that. Just because you could do something didn't mean that you were needed but more than what she said about me, I didn't like what she said about herself. Maybe it was because of my addled brain but the words fell from my lips easily.
"No Lara… you really are a Hero. Whatever you do you shine. When I see you I'm stunned. How can someone as pure and kind as you exist? It actually scares me. No matter what, you'll do what you believe is right. Even when I killed that bandit, you said thank you but that was just to help me. What you really wanted was a happier ending. I'm not like you, I can't give you that ending." I closed my mouth. No, I couldn't give her that ending but Goddess be damned I'd try to.
A silence came between us. The noise from the nearby streets simmered by our ears as a soft wind blew against our skin. It was a cool touch that left more warmth than anything else.
Then she laughed. It was a sound I didn't expect and with my back still turned her expression was a mystery. Finally she spoke, "Just how much did you drink?"
"More than you could handle," I couldn't help smirk. "Sorry but I'm going to go clear my head." And with that I left.
*
The sun was beginning to set colouring the sky a pale orange. It peeked over the trees of the border forest as if hiding from sight, slowly leaving till eventually it would disappear marking the end of another day. In a way I felt it marked how I was feeling, wanting to run and hide. It was all coming back to me now, my inhibitions that is. After training with Earnest I decided to go for a drink and had a few too many too soon releasing my pent up emotions and it just had to be Lara who was there to witness it.
"Argh!" I rubbed my head angrily. The problem was I hadn't drunk enough to forget it and the memory was still clear in my mind. Worse still I could feel the lingering sentiments in my mind. "Ah whatever." My words whispered away into the wind. Chances were I'd die this time as well and have to do this all again. For now at least I'd enjoy the view.
I sat outside the wall on top a small hill facing west. To be honest I wasn't sure how I actually got here. After talking with Lara I meandered around town and eventually found myself outside. In fact I should probably head inside. While the town was close by I didn't want to try my luck when it got dark and any denizens showed up. I ushered my body to stand but a voice called my way.
"Are you leaving already?" Ronalt said walking up the hill.
"Good afternoon, or should I be saying good evening?" I greeted him though my face was still a little flushed.
He stood next to me, "I didn't expect you to be out here."
"Neither did I," I huffed. "You here to enjoy the view?"
"No, I was looking for you," he turned his eyes down to me.
"Me?"
"Yes you."
I cleared my throat awkwardly, "Is there something you needed?"
"Perhaps, but now isn't the time for that. I'd like to apologise once more," his lips turned upwards, "it seems to me I've been doing that a lot lately."
"About what?"
"This morning I took things a little too far, so did Earnest. We fought you more seriously than we or at least I intended."
"It's fine." After all I was the one who asked for it.
"No it's not. It was no wonder you got frustrated. Even my most hardened knights would be annoyed at what we put you through. We weren't teaching you or training you for that matter, we were trying to see how far you could go."
"I'm confused," and the alcohol wasn't helping.
"I only fought you this morning and I could immediately tell why Earnest wants you as his apprentice. Each time we knocked you down, you more than got back up. You had already formulated a plan to counter what we just did. So we'd do it again a little differently. You learn far faster than a normal person and to be frank if you had been with me during my training days I would have been jealous."
"That's… you're saying a lot of things…. Lara told you about this afternoon didn't she?"
He laughed, "So you could tell. Well I'm also here for another reason."
"And that is?"
"Marley asked me to hunt you down so you could cook for her." He handed me a list, "This is what she has deemed acceptable."
"She doesn't expect me to make all of this does she?" Not only was there a lot but the ingredients required weren't on the cheap side either.
"You better start now then," he began to walk back to town. "Come Rain I'll help you shop. Oh and one more thing, try not to drink so much."
"Eugh...," I couldn't reply to that one.