#Chapter119
With him on top of me, his larger body pushing against me, the darkness hiding his face from view now that we are no longer near the window and the light, I begin to feel unsure. Like some deep terror that used to happen whenever men got near me, begins to uncurl deep down, despite me begging it not to.
The anxiety that always circles around me seems to notch a gear higher as drunkenness and realization that I am about to have real sex hits me. I don’t know if I am ready for this, I haven’t had time to prepare and so many emotions about him are making my head ache with confusion. Everything is swirling around us, even though I am still kissing him back, still sliding my arms around his neck in a bid to find his face and bring it to mine in the darkness. I need to see him properly to help me relax once more.
