Steve still felt blue when he got off work at midnight. Work diverted his thoughts for a while, but when it was over, the memories flooded back.
It was so late, so he did not want to call Mom.
Mindlessly, he brewed green tea, while trying to figure out how to entangle the knot of his heart.
He always thought the demons of his past were tightly sealed for good. But it seemed that they had awakened again when he was asked to think about settling down.
It was not that he did not want to… he just never thought about it. So he never anticipated his past trauma would rush in as soon as he started thinking of it.
Lost in his mind, he accidentally hit his cup and spilled the tea.
Steve sighed. He did not want to repeat the process of brewing, so he cleaned the mess and left the kitchen.
An idea came across his mind. Silly, but why not? He put VR device on quickly and logged in.
Alaina smiled widely when she saw Steve entering the cafe.
"Hi, Steve!" She checked behind him and saw no one. "No date this time?"
He shook his head sheepishly.
"I spilled my green tea, and I didn't feel like making it all over again… can you make it for me?"
Alaina laughed. "Sure!"
So Steve got himself seated while Alaina brewed his tea. She did not take long. Soon a cup of steaming green tea was served.
"Thanks." He wrapped his fingers around the cup to absorb the warmth. Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Faint scent of green tea still lingered at his home, from the spilled tea. It felt like holding a real cup of tea.
His chaotic mind calmed down.
When he opened his eyes again, he saw Alaina staring at him intently.
"Do you want to talk? Or you'd rather to be left alone?" she asked, very softly. "You know I'm actually not a person. So, if you want to vent, your secrets are safe with me."
Steve looked at her clear eyes, and remembered the similar gaze from decades ago, from someone he really missed.
"Ellie…," he unconsciously called.
She raised an eyebrow, but stayed silent. Did not push him to explain anything. Steve found her reaction, or lack of, was soothing. He slowly opened up to her.
Ellie was his twin sister. They were the only children of their parents. Growing up, they were very close.
In his childhood, Steve had not been an introvert like he was now. He was an outgoing, curious boy, who did plenty of mischievous things together with Ellie. They especially loved to play in the arcade where Dad sometimes took them to every weekend.
Their little family was not very well off, but they were happy and content with everything they had. Life was perfect.
Until that one fateful day that changed it all.
They were 8 years old. It was their birthday, and Dad took them to arcade as the gift. They had just finished playing. Dad told them to wait outside the front door while he went to get the car.
Steve was holding some leftover arcade coins. Someone bumped into him, and he dropped the coins. One rolled to the street. He did not think much and chased it.
The next seconds were blurry in his memory. He heard loud horns, a glimpse of speeding car about to hit him, then he was pushed away. Everything went blank after.
When he regained consciousness, he was on the hospital bed. He was not badly hurt, because Ellie pushed him right before the car hit.
Instead, the car hit Ellie… and she did not survive.
Steve was devastated. He could not stop thinking that it should be him, not Ellie, who got hit. He blamed himself for his sister's tragic demise.
That accident did not only take Ellie's life. It also broke their family. Mom fell into depression and had to be institutionalized for a few years. Dad was also devastated, but he never sought help.
He unleashed all his anger on Steve. Everyday since the accident Steve was abused. He endured all, because he also felt it was his fault.
Until one day when his little body could not withstand anymore. He was hospitalized. His grandparents, of Mom's side, rushed over and were shocked by the sight. They took him to live under their care.
Grandpa was very angry. He wanted to sue Dad, but Steve begged him not to.
Dad and Mom got divorced not long after that. It was the last time he heard about Dad.
Steve lived with his grandparents until he had to go to college. When Mom was released from hospital, she also lived there. She just moved out 2 years ago to live closer to Steve.
"If you remember, I said I did not like coffee. It's because Dad loved coffee. For a long time I trembled whenever I smell coffee, scared that he would be back and hit me again," Steve explained, bitterly. "Therapy helped me to overcome the trauma. But I still prefer to avoid it."
To his surprise, Alaina reached his hands and held them tight.
"So sorry for what you've been through," she said sincerely.
Steve felt his heart skipped a beat.
"If you want to cry, cry it out," she continued. "But remember to stand tall after that. You're strong. Don't let the past hurt you anymore."
As if her words were the cue, Steve could not hold his emotions back. Tears fell uncontrollably along with years worth of pent up frustration.
Alaina still held his hands. She patted softly, as if telling him that everything was okay.
One hour later, Steve was on his bed.
His eyes hurt a lot. His nose was red. All from crying his heart out.
It was the first time Steve revealed about his past to someone other than his therapist. He felt strange, but also relieved somehow.
But, technically, Alaina was not "someone". Probably it was more like writing in a journal, instead of talking? Dunno….
He closed his tired eyes and soon drifted away into deep slumber.
He met Ellie in his dream that night.
In his dream, Ellie was not an 8 years old girl anymore. She was all grown up, just like him, but somehow he knew it was Ellie.
They were in the public playground near their old home. Ellie was playing in the swing, laughing as free as the wind.
When she saw Steve, she waved and asked him to come and push her. Exactly like how they usually played together.
Steve complied. It was fun. Ellie laughed all the time, requesting him to push harder so she could go higher.
"It's dangerous!" Steve scolded her.
Ellie just laughed him off.
After she had played enough, Ellie and Steve walked hand in hand slowly, roaming their old neighborhood.
"How is Mom?" she asked.
"She's fine."
Ellie raised her eyebrows, unsatisfied with the short answer. "Just that? I asked about our mom, not some random lady next door you see sometimes in the lift."
Steve chuckled. Ellie always loved to nag him, like a big sister. She indeed was born 5 minutes earlier, but it did not mean she was entitled to the shiny older sibling badge.
"She's living in a nice housing community. I offered her to live with me, but she said I would be too busy working and too quiet as a housemate. Some of her friends live in that area. She's also made some new friends in the community. So she has busy social life."
"That's good," Ellie nodded. "But you still have to call her often. Visit her when you have time. Okay?"
"Yes, ma'am!"
"How about you? How is your life?"
Steve was caught in surprise.
"Uh… I'm also fine," he said, uncertain. "Mostly busy with work."
"Don't just work all the time. Enjoy your life. Live your life to the fullest. For my part too."
Steve felt a tug in his heart. He could only nod.
They kept walking slowly, and finally reached their old home. Ellie smiled, held his hands and patted them softly.
"Be happy, Steve," she said. "You deserve it. Make more friends. Have fun with them. Fall in love. Look forward, don't let the past hold you down anymore."
She let his hands go before walking towards the house. Steve wanted to call her, to take her away somewhere else, but he could not say any word.
When she had reached the front door, Ellie turned around. She smiled and waved.
Strangely, Steve now saw a striking resemblance of Alaina in her face. He took a step through the gate.
"Don't," Ellie forbade him from getting closer. "You can't come with me."
She quickly slipped into the house.
Steve tried to chase her. But instead he was awakened from the dream.
Long, very long time after that dream, Steve realized something.
Ellie asked about Mom and him. But she never asked about Dad.