I moaned roughly and sat up, stretching all the taut muscles in my shoulders and back. I opened my eyes and frowned, I wasn't on the rug like I remembered.
I looked down and saw that my legs were covered with a plain-coloured blanket. I turned around to take a gage of my surroundings and my eyes fell upon another figure in the bed. I gently pulled myself over to their side and rolled them over. Their familiar features had me smiling. I felt something blossom inside me and I barely refrained from hugging Archer as he slept.
I imagined his reaction if he awoke to me staring at him, stroking his head. It seemed a little over the top. I sighed and turned away, I didn't bother trying to disguise anything anymore. Everyone finds out my secrets in the end.
I sipped lightly on the tea I'd made myself and realised that it had stopped raining. We'd been staying in that little farmhouse for just more than a week already, and I knew it was time to explore and prepare to leave.
I wondered if rain was common in this part of the world. Not too far away from the burnt palace of Baî, but in a sense, it was. And the rain was as regular there. I groaned and tried my hardest to stand, but my legs had fallen apart inside.
I muttered curses under my breath and leaned back into the chair. I couldn't believe that I had to share my life force with Archer. It was like my Mist was telling me to drain him, to suck the strength and energy he'd earned. I knew, if I didn't find a way to break my connection with Archer, he would lose everything he once owned. His laid-back smile would instead be one of pain. Twisted and torn. No longer casual.
Constantly hiding the hurt and the hole gaping open in your chest. Ignoring the headaches that threatened day and night. Succumbing to the peaceful, easily shattered, blackness of sleep. The kind where you feel dead. Like you're released from the pain and burden which you hold. And when you awake from death's slumber, you are bombarded with the sins which are yourself.
Maybe having a lover would doom me. Me and them to live hiding as cowards to keep each other safe. Maybe I shouldn't open up. Maybe I should shatter my conscience, render the Vaxxine Squad useless and send my soul to a final place of rest.
I opened my eyes and realised that the cold feeling against my cheeks was one of the tears falling. The endless stream of agony. Of the stronger emotions provoked only by certain things.
"Hiro?" I jumped, startled by another's voice. I looked over at the door past the bench and saw Archer standing in the doorway.
I stood up and fell, forgetting that my legs had rebelled against me. I looked at the ground and tried my hardest to ignore the concerned gaze that shouldn't be.
"I—'m fine," I said quietly. "Honestly." I hugged myself and whimpered, I couldn't help it. Even though Archer should've helped me back into the bedroom and left me to wade in my guilt and sorrow. He didn't.
I felt his hand on my shoulders and suddenly wanted to look at him, to see his perfect eyes and delicate cheekbones. The slight curl of hair around his neck. The light faded to brown.
I opened my eyes and looked at him, I felt so much younger. And yet older. My experience of this darkness that I was born with. I felt anew to Archer. I felt aged to the Mist inside of him. Inside of me.
"Hiro?—Hiro, look at me," Archer said, I didn't know what he meant. I let out a soft breath, confusion etched into my features.
"What do you mean? I am looking at you." I said. He just shook his head, placing his hands on either side of my face. A smile played with his lips.
"Look at me." He said, his eyes locked with mine and I held his gaze. Steady and controlled. Then I saw it. The rolling of thunder mixed with the pattering whisper of rain. The light peeking through the scowling clouds. The jewels were embedded in green as they blossomed, filling my head with colour. I gulped down the shock swelling past the lump in my throat. I realised that Archer was better off without me.
He couldn't handle the solitude that would occur if I left later. The way I'd learnt to deal with it—with Tsuna and my parents. Even if I wanted to be with him—I did—I still would hesitate to open the closed side of me.
The hands grasped at my luges and heart. Their fingers curled maliciously. I gasped and pulled back, away. Leaving Archer. I muttered under my breath, rambling about rivers and hell. I didn't remember falling onto Archer until his arms were around me as my face was buried in his collarbone.
"Hiro, we're all lost." He said. "Et ambulate in latus meum dolorem sentire viventium."
I felt something threatening across my face. The thing playing with my lips and eyes. I nodded and wrapped my arms around him. A feeling I'd never felt before enveloping me.
"Ego autem cum mihi." I said. He chuckled and nodded. I shifted and listened to the throbbing of his heartbeat. The only thing keeping me together was waves and waves of uncontrolled despair washed over me.