I like to think my Dad is a good person. Or was. I don't even know if he's alive. I'm not that curious either. I don't really want to know what he's like, why he left us, or if he's still around. Mom doesn't talk about him either and never answers any of my questions. Talking to her about anything other than food or money is like talking to a wall. Pointless. He never cared to call since he left us when I was eight. Maybe if he hadn't left, Mom be like this. Maybe she wouldn't have become like this. But maybe she was like this even during their marriage, maybe that was the reason he left her. Stop, Amber, you've had enough of maybes. I shouldn't even expect goodness from the people who've put so little effort into my life. Love and care are not for me. I've acknowledged that. Love is not always one-sided between opposite genders or romantic relations. Sometimes, it's the non-romantic relations like families and parents, and they hurt more. I think there is no grief huger than one-sided love and there is also no type of love more powerful than one-sided love. Love without expectation. Toxic most of the time. Hurtful. Blind. When a person repeatedly hurts you and you still manage to see the good in them. You even carry expectations and a lot of hope which is the most dangerous thing you can face. Even when our brain accepts something it's our heart that's in constant denial. The brain already knows what the heart isn't accepting. There's a reason we use the term heartbreak never the term mindbreak. The problem with hope is that it isn't easily lost. If it was, a heart wouldn't have to endure as much for as long.