He opened his eyes to a familiar ceiling, his vision blurry as old tears fell down his face. Tsukiyomi was back on the airship. The only thing covering his body was bandages. His body ached with every breath and his face was swollen from crying. He turned his head over to the edge of the bed to see Tadashi sleeping, his head rested in his arms on the bedside and he kneeled on the ground. Tsuki reached over and put his hand on Tadahsi's head. He jerked awake, joy filling his tired eyes.
"Tsuki!" he exclaimed, his voice sounding sad. Tsukiyomi couldn't find his own voice. He wanted to tell Tadashi that he was sorry. Tadashi continued to speak, stroking Tsukiyomi's tangled hair.
"I was scared, I was starting to think you would never wake up. You were unconscious for a whole week. You look sick and skinny. I couldn't sleep."
Tsukiyomi pointed at Tadashi's leg where he had been shot. Tadashi shook his head.
"It's almost healed, don't worry about me," He stood up and picked up a wet cloth, wringing it out in the bowl it was soaking in and placed it on Tsuki's forehead. "The whole time you were out, you had a horrible fever. I haven't left the room, I couldn't bear leaving you alone in this state. Kiri brought us food everyday. You must be hungry. You need your strength back anyway. Your sister made soup this morning in case you woke up, you can have the rest of mine." Tadashi picked up a still steamy bowl from the nightstand. He put it to Tsuki's lips and helped it down his throat. It was warm and good. Tadashi was gentle and slow with it. Once the soup was gone, he took the cloth off of Tsuki's forehead and soaked it again. He adjusted the quilt that covered Tsuki's bare body.
"I had thought that you would feel more comfortable with myself being here with you alone and changing your bandages. But I apologize if that isn't the case."
Tsukiyomi wanted to answer but couldn't, he felt paralyzed and distressed. Tadashi noticed that.
"Here, we can play a game. One blink for yes, two blinks for no." Tsukiyomi blinked once. Tadashi continued.
"As I said, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. But there really isn't any other way of helping your wounds. Are you alright if I help you?" Tsukiyomi blinked once again.
"Are you still in pain?"
He blinked once. Tadashi hesitated with the next question.
"Are you afraid of dying?" He blinked twice. He wasn't afraid of dying, and was scared of living now.
"Before you fell unconscious at the cathedral, you looked at me with this painful glare that made me feel guilty, almost as if you were to ask me if you were going to die. You scared me, I didn't want to lose the only thing I love."
Tsukiyomi coughed and managed to find his voice again. It was quiet and weak but he could speak enough.
"Lazhu…" He muttered, Tadashi's face changed to despair. It took Tadashi a moment to speak. Tsukiyomi could tell he was holding back tears.
"Auquirious and Kiri preserved her under a quilt. We decided to have her body burned. We haven't done it yet because we wanted to wait for you. Her body was all cleaned up and her wounds were sewn back together."
"Fuckin' hell, it was my fault!!"
"It wasn't your fault, Tsuki! It was Ki-It wasn't your fault, it wasn't you!"
It was Kibishi, it was all his fault. Everything was his fault. Tsukiyomi wanted to kill him. He lied to himself. But he could see that Tadashi felt guilt too. It wasn't Tadashi's fault though. The guilt in his eyes was then explained with his words.
"I never intended to hurt you. I feel horrible, Love. It was the worst thing I've ever done. I didn't think..I'm so sorry. I can never forgive myself."
"I can." Tsukiyomi said, squeezing Tadashi's hand. He wanted to wipe away Tadashi's tears and hug him. He didn't like to see Tadashi sad. Tsukiyomi remembered something that Kibishi had said to Tadashi.
"Tadashi, did Kibishi know you as a child?" Tsukiyomi asked, fear filled Tadashi's eyes. He was silent for a moment, clearly preparing himself.
"My father was killed by the Chi clan after Kibishi had invaded my village in wall Camilla. I hid in a cupboard in my home as they tore it all up. At the time, Camilla was being controlled by Kibishi. My father worked with the mining company in the wall and would bring the ores and gems and jewels to Kibishi directly. My father made jewelry and had made a sapphire necklace for my mother's grave. Kibishi accused my father of stealing the jewels and taking them for himself. Although I was young, I remember seeing a small glance of another child. But I can't exactly remember it all, I don't like to remember."
The pendant around Tsukiyomi's neck began to glow. A memory had been unlocked and Tsukiyomi's mind raced. The memory came alive and the room around Tadashi and him changed and warped into that memory. It was exactly how Tadashi had explained it. And just as he said, there was indeed a small child with Kibishi. It was Tsukiyomi, gripping Kibishi's cape. A man with black hair trembled as the Chi clan barged in and began to break everything in the home.
"Kibishi!?" The man panicked.
"Tanaka, correct? You are one of my men who brings me my jewels. I knew we would see eachother again!"
"The jewel's I used weren't yours I swear! I don't have it!"
"Oh, but Tanaka, you don't have to lie. Just give me the jewel and I'll leave you be."
The man panicked and rushed to his kitchen. There was a young boy in the kitchen, his hair was the same as Tadashi's. The man told the boy to hide and stay there until it's silent. He gave the boy a journal. The man left the boy to hide and went back to Kibishi, saying that he couldn't find the jewel. He pleaded with Kibishi before being shot in the head. The man's skin and blood and brain bits flew everywhere, landing on the face of the child with Kibishi. The memory then ended as the room began to change back to the ship bedroom. Tadashi had tears falling down his face.
"I hate to see you-"
"I know, Tsuki, I know. I hate it too. But crying doesn't make you weak." Tsukiyomi had so many questions. What happened to the letters? Where was the next destination? What now, what now that the one who told them how to win the what seemed to be a never ending journey, the one who gave them hope, the one who loved Tsuki for who he was, who understood, the one who could see everything and know all was gone. What would happen to the cathedral? What about the title of Lazhu, the Chandelier Child. There would be no more performances. Tsukiyomi thought he should be the one blamed for her death. She barely had time to live. Only eight years of age and sixteen years on the earth. She was so much older than she really was.
There was a knock at the door and it slightly opened. It was Quingse and Mei. Mei dropped the cup of water she was holding and rushed over to Tsuki.
"Oh, thank Rose! I thought you were dead too!" she cried, Tsukiyomi realized just how much she really cared for him. Almost motherly. Auquirious appeared in the doorway, Kiri standing behind her. Auquirious looked very upset, Tsuki had never seen her look like that. He could smell the alcohol on her breath.
"It's been long enough and he needs his strength. Come on." She said in a harsh tone. Mei and Qingse left with Auquirious. Kiri stayed, clasping her hands and looking side to side.
"Tadashi, I understand you care for Tsukiyomi dearly, as we all do but I ask you to please save some concern for yourself. You haven't come out of this room ever since we came back here, you haven't been sleeping or eating properly either. You should worry about yourself sometimes too."
"I appreciate your concern, but I must do what feels right to me."
Kiri looked embarrassed, she began to leave, closing the door behind her. "R-Right..I understand. I must let you know then that our next destination is wall Camilla. We will arrive in two days."
Tadashi got into bed with Tsukiyomi, being careful around his fragile body. He played with Tsuki's mangle hair. It seemed nobody had had a chance to bat properly since they left the ruins of Clorina.
"I only left this room once while you were unconscious. We went back to Primrose. Kamidako healed our wounds and gave us medicines but said she couldn't heal yours. She said it would be fatal. Instead, she gave us healing herbs and other medicines. While in Primrose, Kiri got you new clothes since the other ones were ruined," Tadashi held Tsuki's hand. "You need rest now. Kamidako said you'll have energy by tomorrow, you will most likely wake up though tomorrow evening. I'll wait for you, we all will. I will be with you if you need anything."
He closed his eyes, feeling Tadashi's hand on his, he felt safe again.but how long would he feel safe like this? There have been too many tears lately, for everyone. And it only felt like a minute he had been asleep. He flinched awake as he felt his hand move. It was only Tadashi. He had a startled look and his face was flustered, his ears hot and red to the touch.
` "How are you feeling?" He asked in a soft tone. Tsukiyomi sat up, only for a sharp pain to hit his chest.
"Better than yesterday I suppose."
"Well, I'll leave you to get dressed."
Tadashi..can I have help?" Tsuki's face was red. Tadahsi was surprised by the request, hiding his blushing ears and grabbed the clothes from the dresser. He helped Tsuki button up the new tunic, Tadashi slipped on Tsuki's trousers. Then he went back over to the dresser and came back with a box and a brush. "Your other ribbon was destroyed so I bought you a new one," He opened the box and inside was a luscious red ribbon. "I hope you like red. I feel as if the color suits you." He ran the brush through Tsuki's hair, combing out all the tangles. He had grown his hair out so much it was almost to the back of his knees. Tadashi put his hair up with the ribbon. He grabbed a pair of crutches and helped Tsuki out of their room, holding him by his waist. They went to the dining room, where everyone except for Kiri was at the table. They all wore sad faces. Auquirous came out of the kitchen, holding two steaming cups. Tsuki sat next to Tadashi as she brought the cups over to them.
"Evenin' boys. Thought tea would do ya some good. I've already put those herbs in yers, Tsukiyomi." She said depressingly. She leaned up against the wall, looking out the same window she saw the fire, a lit cigar in her mouth, she smelled of wine.
"We don't know what we're going to do." Mei began, "We haven't returned those letters, all of Clorina was pretty much destroyed. There are so many things that haven't been answered. Who will watch over that life and time room? What do we do with the letters now that we can't take them back to Lazhu?" Tsuki was in too much pain to cry over what was said. Auquirious andrily slammed her fists on the table, Mei flinched.
"And that damned bastard son of a bitch Kibishi is still out there!"
Tsukiyomi thought on that comment. Was Kibishi even still alive after what happened? After that big of a wound? He should surely be dead. Tsukiyomi should've been dead if it wasn't for being a yokai and the herbs from Kamidako.
Qingse cleared their throat. "If we break it down in separate parts, our biggest problem is probably him. We seem to always run into him. Our second problem is the Chi clan invading and loitering the walls. If Kibishi is gone, they're on our trail. It seems to revolve around them and us."
Tsuki sighed. It was his fault. For as long as he had known him, Kibishi always got what he wanted. And now, Kibishi will be after them even more now than before.
Karasu stood up, pulling his sword from his sheath.
"AND THIS IS THE REASON WHY WE ARE BARELY ALIVE! BECAUSE OF YOU!" He pointed the sword at Tsuki's throat, Tsukiyomi seemed dazed by this. "You're already on the line of death so why would it be a problem if we just killed you now!?"
"CUT IT OUT, KARASU!!" Fukuro screamed, and she started to cry. "We need him alive, he keeps us alive, he helps us escape, WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? WE ARE HE FOR A REASON, HE IS HERE FOR A REASON! Why do you have to be so hateful? You only care about yourself and me. I know you just want to protect me but that doesn't mean killing everyone who TOUCHES ME!"
Karasu stormed out, lighting a cigarette on the way. It was as if everything was just falling apart. Everyone was upset and angry at something. Karasu wasn't coming to the funeral. The rest of the group sat in silence, finishing their meal or tea or whatever feelings they were trying to consume away. Ater, Tadashi helped Tsuki up, the rest of the group went down the hall to an unfamiliar room on the ship. Auquirious unlocked it. She opened the door slowly and Kiri was inside, she wore gloves and had cleaning tools and scalpels and makeup. She looked exhausted, like she was crying for hours. And in front of her in a small coffin filled with flowers, real ones, lay Lazhu's lifeless body. Tsukiyomi couldn't cry but instead smell the flowers. Her body looked just like before. Kiri had sown her wounds up and put her back together, cleaned her to perfection, just like when she was alive. Kiri took her bloody gloves off, wiping the sweat and tiredness off of her forehead.
"It wasn't fair for what she did. The only one to blame is Kibishi. She sacrificed and put her life on the line to save you, Tsukiyomi. Don't put yourself at blame either. She knew everyone's future, he could see it all, all except her own. And even in that case that she didn't know what was coming, she still was a strong leader and led her wall to the fullest. Sixteen earth years and only eight yokai years was never enough time for her, for anyone. Impales by the hardest of metals made, created to break any weapon, skin, and bone. She was stabbed twenty-six times by the king's blade. The same number as the former wall leaders. She was a reminder of Rose, a mysterious reminder of the good things that can happen in this world. She led well and always put herself before others."
Kiri placed the bloody gloves down and wiped her face. Fukuro stood next to her, looking guilty. She had nothing to say. It wasn't bad though, Fukuro hadn't known Lazhu. Mei stood close to the casket, examining Lazhu's broken body.
"She was a wall leader, even if she never wanted to consider herself one. It always made me upset the way he said she was one of her people and not a leader, even though she was a leader. Her talent and songs will never die as long as people will remember them. As long as she's remembered. Her soul lives on forever in each and every one of her lyrics. Candle girl,The golden child, the Chandelier Child lives forever." Mei didn't cry but Tsuki could tell she wanted to. He stared at Lazhu as if she was listening to them. He wondered where she went. What happens after you leave the earth? Your body stays but what about your mind, your soul, your spirit? Tadashi cleared his throat, holding onto Tsuki's arm.
"Wall Leader or not, she was a blessing to Clorina and all of her people. She had to have been blessed by gods or sent by Rose. Wherever she came from, she was meant to be here, she was meant for this harsh world. Even if she was born to die. Great divine creators and beasts, gods and goddesses, deities and legends, bless her heavenly soul. From the end of Falendgore to the beginning of Nevilliotus and back, let her see the rest of the world from wherever her everlasting spirit has been put to rest. Rose bless you, Lazhu, of Clorina. Rose bless you."
Tadashi squeezed Tsuki's arm gently. Silent tears creeped down his face. Tsukiyomi felt silly as everyone turned to him to say something to the dead child in front of him. Why does he have to? Why can't he just think about it. But wouldn't pondering on the thought only make him think more? He took a deep breath, clearing his mind and sighed.
"When I heard 'Chandelier Child, She can see your fate' I finally believed in something. I knew you could show me things that I had forgotten. You showed me my memories and gave my life a purpose. I wouldn't have made it this far without you. I would've never met these people, my friends, my family, without you. Time is always limited. That's something I've learned through my years. No one lives forever and you can't control that. You saved me, and made me want to continue on. I can't promise anything just yet but the least i can do is to try and fulfill your wishes. I'll Be lost at times without your guidance, but the people with me will help me with that. It's hard to think I might never see Clorina again, or a performance of the Chandelier child ever again. I don't know where you are now but I hope it's with Rose. Goodbye Lazhu.."
The room was silent, taking in the last moments and glimpse of Lazhu's body. And just like Clorina, her body would soon be in ashes. Auquirious took the casket and walked with it to the deck. It was small enough that she could carry it herself. On the deck, Karasu stood against the railing by himself, smoking a cigar. He avoided looking at Fukuro, who kept her head down and her fists clenched. Kiri walked out with a lantern and held it over the casket that was put on the edge of the rail. The ship was right over Clorina, still smoking from the flames. Auquirious dropped the lantern into the casket. First the petals of the flowers caught flame, then Lazhu's dress, then her.
Tsukiyomi looked away as Lazhu's body burned in the darkness of the sky. He hid his face in Tadashi's blouse. But he repeated familiar words in his head, feeling the heat from the flames. 'I will avenge you, Lazhu. Kibishi will pay for what he's done to you. To me. And to everyone.'
The flames died down until all that was left was ash and burnt petals. Kiri approached the casket and blew the ashes into the wind and over Clorina. She picked up two unburnt petals from the casket and gave them to Tsuki and Tadahsi. Tsukiyomi had a blue one, and Tadashi had a golden one. After silence and sadness, everyone went back to their rooms until dinner. As Tadashi walked Tsuki back to their room, Mei ran up behind them. She had an angry and demanding expression.
"I see it in your eyes, Minakami!"
"What?"
"The unnecessary guilt! You blame yourself for what happened, it's all over you. But your eyes show it the most. Why"
"I don't know.."
"FINE! Whatever, I get it. You keep secrets from me all you want but you have to tell me at some point.."
She walked away sad. She seemed upset at something. Maybe Tsuki, maybe not. Tadashi got Tsuki back to their room, closing the door and locking it. Tsukiyomi's shoulders went tense and his eyes widened at the click of the lock. Tadashi saw this.
"Do you want me to keep it unlocked? I didn't mean to frighten you."
"It isn't that I feel frightened, well, I'm not sure. It's fine knowing it's just you. It only brings back memories I wish I could forget. Locked doors scare me."