NIHARIKA
"Hey! You alive?" Arohi calls. It's been a while since they last talked. Now that Niharika thinks, she really missed her voice.
"Oh! You still remember me?" She mocks.
"Well I can say the same ma'am! At least I called, you hardly even reply to my texts!" Arohi attacks back.
"Huh! Just so you know, I've more important stuff to do than replying to your texts!"
"Okay then, in that case I'll be off..." Arohi threatens and it works.
"Hey! Wait no! Don't hang up, I missed you sooooo muchhh! Okay?"
"Hahha! That's more like it! So what more important stuff you got, lemme guess, a boyfriend? I hear there are lot of hot guys in there!" Niharika can virtually see Arohi's eyes gleaming up in the mention of boys.
She has to stop herself from rolling eyes.
"As if, you know your friend is allergic to them!" She tries to sound uninterested, but a face does pop up in her mind. Niharika considers telling Arohi about him, but something about the whole situation feels personal. Also recounting their last encounter hurts her pride.
"Dude, you're so boring! It's not even India! Why not have some fun? I'm not telling you to get married!" Arohi says sounding a bit annoyed.
"I can't, I just can't take feelings lightly and you know I hardly ever catch feelings...so it's impossible for me! Also..., unlike you there aren't guys following me around." Niharika can't help her little insecurities from surfacing.
"Sigh! What do I do with you? you remember that "Rohan" guy?"
"Yeah your fanboy!" Niharika recounts sarcastically.
"Hell no! But I became friends with him recently..."
"And he's your new boyfriend, right? See I knew it!" Niharika cuts her off midway.
"NO! Let me finish okay?-- he came to me asking about you after you left, and don't get shocked he said he liked you since first year!"
"..." This is certainly not what Niharika was expecting to hear. For a moment she can't find how to respond.
"Nihar? You there?"
"...um, yes,..so?" Niharika responds once she finds her voice back.
"So? Dude can you be a little less apathetic towards the world? If you pay a little more attention around other than hiding in the corner you'd see how attractive you are okay?"
Niharika bits her lips. Arohi is probably right. She tries to think back about Rohan and their interactions and to her disappointment she can't remember much because to be honest she never paid attention. She already assumed he was after Arohi.
"Arohi... I... tell him I said thanks for liking me all this time," She tries to find the right words. "And sorry that I cannot return his feelings."
"Sigh! Okay I'll. But seriously, frown less and smile more okay, you'll find a boyfriend in a week!" Arohi always makes it sound so easy.
"But I've to like him too, otherwise what's the point?"
"I can't with you and your logic! For me if someone likes me then I like them, why'd I like someone who won't like me back?Anyways tell me how's life there? Did you find anyone to replace me?"
"Not yet, but I'll find soon, don't worry!" Niharika teases her.
"Don't you dare--!"
"Hahaha..." Niharika feels light after a long time.
Someone who would love her... Niharika tries to imagine that feeling. It sounds so foreign. She always had this idea growing up that she doesn't need anyone, why would she? She has her family, she has herself, is it really necessary to find a lover? Everyone in their twenties are suddenly so obsessed with finding a partner. Why? Living alone doesn't sound that bad to her. And she doesn't want to participate in this rat race of finding love just because everyone else is. This is not a competition right?
But to know that someone had been admiring her all these time, makes her feel nice. She suddenly feels much more worthy. Makes her wonder that maybe people don't want a lover, they want someone to appreciate their existence. To cheer on them. Having someone like that doesn't sound bad either.
Maybe she really needs to open up more, be more perceptive. But even if there is someone like that, is she capable of reciprocating their feelings? Is she capable of loving others? Niharika is not so sure. The thought scares her.
She has always lived upto people's expectations and she knows how exhausting it is. So, what if she fails her lover's ? Even worse what if she keeps compromising her limits to please them? It terrifies her. She wants nothing but freedom, she wants to be herself. She wants to be the one holding the steering wheel of her life.
As overthinking consumes her she decides to go to the hospital and watch over cases to shake off unnecessary things out of her mind.
"Hey Nihar!"
"Hi Dr. Kim!" She smiles at the young doctor.
Dr. Kim Seoham is first year resident in surgery. She meets him often when they come to hospital for clinical postings. Since they're undergrad they need to watch and learn from seniors. Niharika often comes even off posting hours. She's hardworking, and it also helps keep her mind blank.
She once assisted Dr. Kim in ER at night, they became close ever since. He guides her whenever possible. He's very friendly and gentle, Niharika thinks.
"Had dinner?"
"Not yet!"
"Mind joining me?"
"Well... okay!" It's kind of a custom for the seniors to buy meals to juniors.
He leads her to the doctor's common room and hands her a packed lunchbox.
Niharika hesitates a bit, there are a lot of senior doctors here. She bows to them.
"Which year?" Someone asks.
"3rd prof. MBBS!" Niharika replies nervously.
"She's an exchange student from India!" Dr. Kim says on her behalf.
"I see,you know a lot, take care of her well!" A senior doctor says teasingly.
'Oh no he's not getting the wrong idea is he?' Niharika thinks and she can feel her ears turn red. But they're all much senior, she doesn't dare correct them.
" I will!" Dr. Kim nods smiling.
Niharika can feel heat creeping on her cheeks. 'Can I just disappear from this room?' She can't even focus on eating.
"Did he make you uncomfortable? Dr. Jung I mean!" Dr. Kim asks her once they get out of the common room.
" No it's okay!"
"Sorry, he was just teasing me!"
"It's okay..." Niharika says almost inaudibly. She's not sure how to respond. She never had any such ideation about him. And suddenly Arohi's words come to her mind.
Dr. Kim is indeed handsome, and also he seems to be a good guy, he'd hardly be 3-4 years older...
"Ahem..so you wanna watch an operation? There's a VIP case today!" Dr. Kim's voice brings her back to earth. And she blushes remembering her train of thoughts. What has she been thinking? She really needs to stop listening to Arohi. Dr. Kim is like her mentor. How can she allow such thoughts!
" Yes, ofcourse!" She says quickly, to hide her embarrassment.
"Okay follow me." Dr. Kim smiles.
"It's a liver transplant, patient is 54 years old male..." He briefs her the whereabouts of the patient as they walk towards the OT together.
She is listening carefully but gets distracted noticing a known face in front of the OT complex.
"Dr. Kim... who's the girl sitting outside?" She whispers.
"Oh she's Jung mi jeong, you've probably seen her on news/ television. She's a kpop idol."
"Oh is she.."
"Yea , that's her father getting operated, and she's also Dr. Jung's neice."
"Oh I see!" What a small world indeed, she is the pretty girl who met Rex that day.
Niharika feels borderline annoyed as she reminds her of him again. She has decided to forget everything about that incident like an embarassing past. Yes it was like an ego check, that was something new but that's that. She wants nothing to do with him.
It doesn't help remembering how he smiled politely at this pretty girl but wasn't even looking her in the eye. So it's all about looks, so shallow.
Suddenly she feels unsettled and angry. It's childish and she hates herself for feeling small compared to this beautiful girl infront of her. And her mind decides to direct all the anger at him. She mentally wants to scream at him. And it's pathetic that she wants him to smile like that for her.
What's about him that always drives her to edge all the time?
Niharika doesn't understand.