ANISHA'S POV
"I'm very grateful that you took time to listen to me. You have no idea how therapeutic it is, to be able to speak out what I have been bottling in for years." Amelia smiled sadly. Her eyes were red and swollen, I believed she had been crying before we met.
"It's OK. I love helping whenever I can. I'm sorry that I may not be of great help, but if you are OK with it, I can find a professional person for you. I'm flying back home the day after tomorrow."
"Oh no, I wouldn't want you to go through that much trouble for me. The best you can do for me, please….just allow me to offload the last part of my story. You happen to be the greatest therapist I know so far. I will definitely feel better if I let it all out." She forced a smile. I smiled back and nodded for her to go ahead.
TWENTY ONE YEARS AGO IN SOUTHRAIN
At thirty-eight weeks pregnant, Amelia had battled over and over about the decision that she had long made. Was it the best? A bigger part of her heart regretted keeping the baby. She silently stroked her tummy and spoke to the child, regretting why she had ever kept the child.
"I love you my son," she chuckled. "but I cannot give you a decent life." Immediately she realised that she had referred to the child as 'son'. She always did that, for deep in her heart, Amelia wished to have a son. She had never gone for a scan to check the sex of her child, but secretly she prayed for a little boy. The idea of a little girl who would grow into poverty; and most likely get abused by some old man, just like she felt she had; broke her heart. She felt that a boy would be safer in a cruel world.
Besides the t-shirt, the towel and the fluffy baby suit, she had not managed to buy anything else for the child. Amelia had sold almost all of her clothes, or traded them for a meal from other homeless people.
After having made up her mind, Amelia stood up and using the few coins she had collected, she got into a cab and asked to be taken to the abortionist's house. It was already at night, and she thought it was the best time to do that deed.
At the door, a young woman came to answer her knock. Amelia immediately realised that she did not know the abortionist's name. She had never known it.
"How may I help you?" the young girl asked.
"I need to see umm…the lady. The woman who does umm…the one who…." she did not know what to say.
"Who's there?" a lady's voice echoed from inside the house. Amelia immediately recognized it as the abortionist's voice.
"Some pregnant girl!" the young lady answered.
"Let her in!" the abortionist called out.
Slowly she walked down the familiar dark corridor, and softly knocked at the very familiar brown door.
The woman was seated at the table, the very same table where she sat on the first day of Amelia's visit. She stood up and yawned loudly, before turning to Amelia. Her eyes widened in shock, as she stared at the huge protruding tummy.
"What do you need?" she asked without a trace of care in her voice.
"May I sit?" Amelia spoke softly.
The woman pointed at the bed, and Amelia sat down. Without wasting any time, she spoke her issue. She also wanted to get it off her chest as soon as she could, for she feared she might end up changing her mind,
"I regret not aborting the child. Is it too late to abort now? Please? You remember me, don't you? I came in with Noel, that old wicked man. I want to abort now. I…"
"Of course I know you," the woman smiled. "How far along are you, do you know?" she asked.
"It must be thirty-eight weeks", Amelia immediately winced in pain and groaned a little.
"What is it now?" the woman asked.
"I've….I've been having these sharp pains just under my navel. Since last night. I…I ouch!! Ouch!!!" she screamed in pain.
"Are you sure you're not in labour?" the woman asked without showing any panic or any emotion for that matter.
"No…I…I am only….thir…..thirty-eight…..ooooouch!!....thirty-eight….ouch ohhh oh nooooooooo!" Amelia let out an incredibly sharp scream.
"You're in labour," the woman said casually.
"No! no I cannot be in…..ohhhhh! oh nooo!" Amelia screamed and writhed in pain.
"Lie down, let's see", the woman said. She slowly wore one glove and lifted Amelia's skirt up. She pulled her pants down and smiled, "the baby is here."
"Oh no! I don't want the child! I don't want the child!!" Amelia cried out.
"Let's try and deliver this child first, and we'll talk later. Open up your legs!" the woman commanded.
"Wont I need to go to hospital?" Amelia managed to say in between her panting.
The woman ignored the question and instead urged Amelia to open her legs wide.
"I can't I cannot!! Oh noooo!" Amelia had never felt pain like that before. She felt like her whole body was on fire, and on her lower back, it felt like someone was mercilessly hammering, and with each stroke, the invisible person seemed to be adding more force.
"I said open those legs!" the woman slightly pushed the inside of Amelia's thigh. Amelia instinctively brought her hand forward and touched between her legs.
"Don't touch the child!!" the woman screamed. Amelia bought up her bloody hand, and when she saw her hand she felt very scared. A sharp pain immediately shot through her body and she thought she saw darkness for a fraction of a second. She screamed out again, "Toilet! I need to use the toilet now please"
"Do whatever you need to do here on this bed," the woman commanded.
"Bathroom…take me to the bathroom", Amelia sweated profusely as she pulled on the bed sheets and arched her back in serious unbearable pain.
Suddenly, the clothes which clung to her body felt like a disturbance. Without thinking twice about it, she tore off her blouse and threw it aside. She would have thrown off her skirt too, but she did not manage. The skirt waistband was sitting on her chest, way above her bump. She writhed in great pain and when she thought she had seen it all, another jolt of pain shot from under her navel, spreading evenly to all the muscles of her body. Sweat freely formed and fell off her face, drenching her pitch black hair. She opened her mouth and started to breathe heavily.
"You need to push harder." The woman spoke.
Amelia felt she had no more energy in her, but still she pushed. She let out a sharp scream which echoed in the room, but the abortionist-turned-midwife seemed not to care.
"I need something. I need to squeeze onto something!!" Amelia was breathless.
She felt the only way she could ease out the pain was by squeezing something. The midwife did not respond; resulting in Amelia pulling the bed sheets and crumbling them into a ball in her palms. She squeezed with all her might, until her own fingers began to dig into her palms, yet she felt not the pain.
Her face had turned red, and she bit her lower lip with all her might. She had always heard people saying giving birth is painful, but never in her life had she imagined it to be that bad.
"I cannot! I cannot do this!!" she cried out in desperation.
"Yes you can! One last push!" the woman encouraged.
Amelia gave it her all and pushed as hard as she could.
"Harder!" the woman called out.
"I can't! Please….I…I…."
"Don't talk! Push!" the woman commanded.
Closing her eyes tightly and pulling on the bed sheets with power that she never knew she had, Amelia gave what she thought was her greatest push, and sure enough, the baby plopped out. The child wailed out loudly, the tiny voice filling the room.
"There you are!! Its 23.12 hours; the time of birth!" the midwife smiled and walked to get a scissors from her desk.
Amelia wondered if the scissors was even clean, but she quickly removed the thoughts from her mind and said, "Don't tell me anything more about the child. Don't show me the child. I would rather not see. Don't tell me if it's a boy or girl. I would rather not know."
The woman looked at her and her smile faded. "Are you sure? It's a healthy child."
Amelia looked aside as her tears socked away into the pillow. "I don't want to know. please" she cried bitterly.
"If you say so." The midwife did not care much.
"There are clothes in that bag of mine. And a towel. Please dress the child for me."
The woman picked Amelia's bag and pulled out the t-shirt, the fluffy baby suit and the Minnie Mouse towel.