"Turn around and go back! Go back, Rosaline, go back!" Kiara cried wildly, hitting behind the driver's seat.
"OK OK ma'am. I am turning. Please calm down, ma'am." Rosaline started to slow down, and she made a U-turn. She did not move, as she awaited further instructions from her employer.
"Take me to the cemetery. Let's go there! We have to get there before they all come. I must find a place to hide. I need to see his burial. I have to witness it!" Kiara said in a begging voice; not that she was pleading with Rosaline, but desperation drove her to that.
"Are you sure, ma'am Kiara? Do you think…"
"Just take me there!" Kiara screamed, her hands in her head.
In silence, Rosaline started driving the car until they arrived at the place where Jeremy was going to be buried. All the way to there, Kiara cried non-stop, and her entire face was swollen. She could hardly see, for her eyes were puffed up and she also had a terrible head ache from all the shedding of tars.
There were no trees at the graveyard; at least not what Kiara would have wanted. Only one or two trees stood there, and they were neither big nor dense enough for her to hide behind. Rosaline simply dropped Kiara off and she proceeded to drive, so that she could find a nice spot where the car would not be seen.
When Kiara was about to explode in exasperation, she looked up and saw a huge black tombstone engraved in gold. That was it! There was nothing else in sight which could have matched that one. She heard a sound and turned around only to see two cars driving towards the graveyard. They were for the funeral services company which was handling Jeremy's burial.
Kiara ran very fast, and knelt behind the huge tombstone. It was not in the best spot, but she could see something from it. Before long, a procession came, and Kiara saw the familiar figures that she knew. Sharon was wailing, and she could not be comforted. A woman was holding her hand, and on the other side there was Nesisa.
Kiara looked on and saw that there were not many people attending the funeral. She would have been happier if it was the opposite; for that way, she could have easily crept and joined the mass, without anyone noticing her.
And then they all stood in two rows, facing each other. Six men came forth, carrying a coffin. Kiara's heart broke. She could not look at the coffin one more time, because she was failing to breath. What? So Jeremy was in that box? He had been reduced to some pieces of a right hand and a leg? Kiara saw in her imagination, the pictures of Jeremy laughing. She saw him smiling and talking. She recalled the days of her pregnancy; when she was moody more than half the time, and he did his best to cheer her up.
She could not take it. She was no longer kneeling but sitting on the ground, crying a lot. She felt extremely hot, leading her to throwing off her shoes. What made it more painful was that in her extreme pain, she needed to keep her cries in. No-one was allowed to find her while she hid. The young lady told herself that she was not in a position to spoil her chance of seeing Jeremy being laid to rest.
"…and we cannot have anybody viewing, because of that. The young man died a gruesome death; he was at the mercy of those hungry crocodiles, and…" she heard the Pastor talking.
She went back to mourning, and missed some of the words which the pastor was saying. Kiara wanted it to be a dream. She was hoping for someone to come and wake her up, but none did. She covered her face and tears continued to stream.
"…he was my brother." She heard Jacob's voice trailing; sounding very emotionally drained and it was evident that the speaker was doing his extreme best to not break down.
"He did not talk much, I must say," Jacob continued. "He was on the quiet side, but still in his calmness, he was full of love. I remember the days of our childhood; I used to tease him because he had fallen in love with the girl next door. I cannot tell when it happened, for I am sure he too never knew when it happened. It just happened along life's way, and my brother was smitten." Jacob forced a chuckle.
"…He was that kind of guy. The guy who would love with his all; and give his entire being and soul. He never held back on anything, he gave his all. He always thought of others, and put them first. To him, life was all about making others happy; and if you happened to be the one that he loved; he sure would make you happy. That was Jeremy for you." Jacob sniffled.
"…We used to call each other a lot…..and when he spoke to me, he would call me 'brother'. Brother, are you coming to see me? …Brother, can you help me out…. Brother, I can help you. Brother….brother…brother….And the last time I heard that voice of his, he was saying to me 'brother; I messed up. Those were the words he said to me. Brother; I messed up."
"And I ask myself today," Jacob continued, "was I a good brother to him? Was I even worthy of him? When he said to me 'brother, I messed up', was I not supposed to inquire and find out more about his grievances? If I had been there for him as much as he used to be there for me, would we have a suicide note today? Would we be here today; burying young blood? Jeremy my brother, I let you down. And now what is left is that statement which rings continuously in my mind, 'bother, I messed up.'"
Jacob faced down and cried. He wiped off the tears and looked up, then he continued to talk.
"You might have messed up Jeremy, but I was willing to help clean up your mess. And you knew that. You knew that I was always there for you, Jeremy. Was it necessary to take your life away? Was it necessary to die such a painful death, leaving me with nothing but a note and a statement?" he covered his eyes and wept.
"Jeremy was that guy who would not keep a grudge. He was always ready to forgive. As my only brother, he became my best buddy. I told him everything that was on my heart; and he told me as well. He was a good man. This man that you see lying here; was a good man."
Jacob broke down and walked away, crying with his heart. Nesisa followed and comforted her husband. Kiara was seeing it all, and she too was getting to a point of literally collapsing form hurt. Her whole body was experiencing physical pain. The headache had multiplied tenfold, and her muscles ached intensely. She could barely see, and she was sure that even if she were to open her mouth to talk, her voice had abandoned her.
"Jeremy I am sorry," she whispered from her hiding place, every word coming out with massive anguish.
Two of Jeremy's friends from university also gave short speeches about him. A lady from church spoke, and then the pastor also spoke:
"…just as the Bible says: we are dust and to dust we shall return...And today Jeremy Richard Rain is laid to rest…..we can have hope in the comforting of the Holy Spirit…..we hereby commit Jeremy Richard Rain to the ground…..earth to earth...ashes to ashes....dust to dust....and in all this we have the assurance…..we are certain of the Resurrection to eternal life….."
When the Pastor was saying all those words; some of which Kiara missed, she was closing her eyes. But when he stopped, she raised her head, opened her eyes and saw that the lowering of the coffin was done, and someone was holding Sharon while she threw sand on top of the coffin. Many other people threw the same too, and Kiara saw a man who lifted a shovel full of sand and threw it on top of the coffin.
They were burying him. They were putting sand on top of him. They were covering him, underground! No! No!
"No! No please don't do that to him!" she ran wildly from her hiding place. Barefooted, she literally flew to the grave, and she would have thrown herself inside the grave itself was it not for two men who held her just in time.
"Kiara!" Jacob gasped and watched in shock as the poor girl writhed helplessly in immense pain.
"Please don't cover him up with sand! Give him one more chance; what if he is still alive? Jeremy! Jeremy! Jeremy please talk to me!" she cried so loud that even Sharon, who would have loved to slap and have the young lady dragged away, felt sorry for her.
"He is gone, my child." The pastor, who knew Kiara very well, tried to calm her down.
"May I just see him? Please may I see him? Just one more time please. Let's check, just in case there is a chance of him living. Let's give him one last chance; he might just be unconscious and can still make it…"
The pastor held Kiara by the shoulders, but like a slimy fish, the lady slid and fell on her knees.
"Jeremy! Jeremy it's me! It's Kiara! What happened to our promises, Jeremy? You promised me, didn't you? You said you were going to wait for me!" she went down on her elbows, and with her face buried in the dust, she screamed.
"Jeremy you are not fair! I waited for you once, did I not? I waited for you once; and you promised me that you too were going to wait for me! I told you everything! I told you that I was going to find my way to you! You knew that, Jeremy!" she raised her body and threw herself back on the round, bawling.
The ladies from church were moved, and silently they began to wipe off tears. Sharon, although she blamed Kiara for her son's death, could not bear to see the young lady weeping in such a manner. The motherly instinct in her caused her to move closer, and she knelt beside the poor girl.
"Kiara my child, he is gone. You have to accept it and let his soul rest."
"How, mamma? How? How does he choose to rest while I am broken like this?" Kiara threw herself into Sharon's arms.
"Mamma, I asked him to wait for me! Of all the options that he could have chosen, he chose death? Huh? Mum? Mum, I am saying, he chose death? Did he not have me in mind? He promised to wait for me. Mamma, he broke his promise."
"Shh, my child. Shh, do not cry that much."
"Who will I talk to, then? Who shall be my friend? He was the only friend I knew; for my whole entire life, he was the sole person closest to my heart. I cannot do this, mamma! I cannot do this. I have to die too." She threw herself down and both her and Sharon were crying pitifully.
"Kiara, you need to be strong," Nesisa reached out and tried to help Kiara up.
"For what, Nesisa? Why should I be strong? I might as well die! I was living for him. I was strong for him! I endured painful episodes of life, but because I knew that one day I was going to be with him, I held on. Now what do I live for? I have nothing to look forward to! He was my life, Jeremy was my life."
"I know, I know," Nesisa did her best to comfort Kiara.
For a moment Kiara appeared as if she was responding to the calming words, but once she turned her head and saw the coffin once more, and the soil on top of it….when her mind told her that they were burying him; pouring loads and loads of sand above him…she felt overwhelmed and screamed in agony.
"But Jeremy…what happened to our hope? Our promises? I told you, Jeremy, I told you! I told you to keep a diary! I told you to wait for me, and while you waited, you were supposed to keep a diary, Jeremy! You were supposed to pour it all out in there! Did you do it? Did you do that, Jeremy Richard Rain?"
Jacob, who was standing just behind his mother, was alarmed. The diary! Kiara too mentioned the diary! Was there any chance of her knowing where it was?
Kiara's cries continued, yet Jacob heard them no more. Kiara cried and begged for them to open the coffin so that she could see him one last time; but that was not a request to be granted. Two ladies later on came and carried Kiara to the back of the crowd, so that the burial could proceed.
And when it was all done, they started to leave the graveyard one by one, starting with those who were not very close to the Rains. The family members stayed behind for a while, and Sharon, folding her hands into an X above her chest, walked slowly. She felt empty. When the wind slightly blew, it felt as if it was just going to blow her away. She felt like life was no longer worth living. She wanted to go too. To be buried there with him. She wanted to rest.
The pain of many years ago; when she was in the same space, burying her husband, flooded her thoughts. She remembered in great detail, the very same pastor preaching the sermon at Michael Judah Rain's burial. And the pain of many years ago resurfaced; seemingly stronger than they were before. It felt like many sharp knives were pricking her whole body.
"Mum," Jacob spoke from behind her, and he held his mother's shoulders. "I will walk you to the car, mum."
"My son," Sharon looked up into her son's eyes. "Did you hear what I heard?" she asked, her eyes searching his.
"I think I did," Jacob responded.
"Kiara mentioned the diary." Sharon whispered painfully.
"She mentioned it." Jeremy whispered back.