Flashes of a memory that took place so long ago danced in my head like a ballerina to swan lake, as I sat and looked out the passenger window on our way to visit family out of state. My husband was talking to me. I was so far away from my body in a moment that I thought was long forgotten, I hear him in the distance like an echo asking if I heard what he had asked me.. "Honey? you okay?" He asked as I came back down to earth. "wah what?" "yea, I'm alright hun, what's up?" still looking out the window and never breaking my gaze, "were almost there, maybe another 20 minutes or so." "you sure you're okay? you seemed so out of it for a minute"
I looked at him, and smiled. "I'm sure honey, I'm okay." I didn't dare tell him of the flashes that I had running through my mind of candles, rope and sweat running down soft skin, that had an orange glow from a fire. He wouldn't understand..the life I left behind, after I met him. He is a good Christian man and lives by God and all his graces, the things and pleasures I had experienced before him were "that of the devil" he would say.
We have a good life, a beautiful home and soon to have a child of our own. It's a quiet life for the most part, he's a pastor and I help run the church on weekends, and work a regular 9-5 during the week. We make it to my families house a little while later and all have a grand time, reconnecting and seeing everyone after their move. My mother was so excited to get this huge house in the country away from "asshats" as she calls them, my brothers are doing well for themselves and as their older sister I'm proud of them for it. Nate is married, and John is a video game developer.
"So, how's the baby?" John asked while eating a slice of pie and looking for different designs for a character he was coming up with. "She's really good, she's strong and.." i trail off, looking at my phone, it went off mid sentence and to my surprise it was Him.
"She's really good, annnd??" my brother taunted wanting the rest of my answer. "she shhes super strong" "I'm sorry I have to excuse myself for a moment" I get up from the table and walk to the bathroom, and open the message it says "can we talk?" that message just sent me spiraling even though it was three words, my breath starts to shake and my hands trembling I respond "yes sir" almost instinctively.. and I knew that was the start of the end..