I just can't.
The disappointed look my amma gives me is just too much.
What did I even do?
Nothing absolutely nothing, still I have to be the one to bear all her anger and frustrations.
Sunday morning, I woke up at the usual time 8:30 am. Was that anytime a problem for my amma?
No.
But today why does she has to be this rude all of the sudden!?
It was my dodda that was murmuring curses on some anonymous person and my amma thought that it was a taunt to her.
Seriously though, do I have to be her person to vent her anger?
Don't think wrong people, my amma is a very sweet, headstrong, and very blunt lady, but she always loses it when dodda does something like that and I am always a scapegoat for her.
But I love her the same.
She listens to all my blabber, all my complaints, and even advice me for the good but sometimes I do think that she is just trying to show to others that even though she has not studied that high, I, her daughter am a big brain which I'm not.
Don't get me wrong she can do it but she also needs to understand that it puts pressure on her, I have to always be on my toes to answer any question thrown at me, any information asked, and mind me there are plenty of them.
And my dodda is a very different person.
She is also sweet and nice and all but if angered that person will just have to kill himself after listening to all her words.
She is the sweetest until she reveals her thoughts and the happenings in her life. Always keeps her head high and tries to show off which ticks off others, especially my uncles and my amma.
This is always the reason for the verbal fights that happen and always I am crushed by them.
It somehow always ends with me; how they struggled to feed me, clothe me, and help in finding a decent job for my appa.
I always try to be cheerful no matter what, even if they think that I am just a joker in the family, I try to forget all the harsh words thrown at me, and all insults are thrown at my father but somehow it always gets me.
"But amma, it was the usual time that I wake up on Sundays", I say without an eye-contact.
Amma slowly turns around, "do not try to argue kriti! I am done being your servant, try respecting my words as your mother for once!", she shouts.
And that hurts, I know she is angry but I never saw my amma as my servant.
My love for her is never enough for her to calm down.
I go to my room trying hard not to cry and start with my assignment.
The door opens and Arun comes near my bed "Akka... don't cry".
He forwards his hands towards my face and that's when I come to know that I'm crying.
And the waterfall begins.
MEANINGS:
Amma- mother
Dodda- grandma
Appa- father
Akka- elder sister