Triggers Include: Suicidal Thoughts, SH
DAY 3 - NIGHT 4
I woke up to a call at around 4 in the morning from Aiden, which is very odd and very alarming. Getting up I stepped into the hall and answering, before I can open my mouth I'm greeted with sobs.
"Eli, I'm scared, please help me" sobbing uncontrollably it was hard to make out what he said at first. Though once I understand it I grabbed my bag.
"I'm on my way, don't move" Luckily I know where everyone lives, staying on the call I left a note for Ally next to her, grabbing my keys I hopped in my car, setting my phone on speaker and on the seat next to me. "Talk to me Aiden"
"My rooms a mess" He'd sob, cleaning his face "I unlocked the door j-just be quiet, please?"
"I'll be as quiet as I can, I'll be their in a minute ok? Tell me whats around you"
"Trash... my stuffed animals... dirty laundry" he'd drone on in a monotone voice, sniffles and sobs cutting him off often.
I soon got to his house, ending the call and entering quietly, finding his room was fairly easy, the sobs could barely be heard. Open on the door only made them louder, disregarding the mess, which was a lot, I closed the door and immediately hugged him. Rubbing circles in his back, putting his face in my chest
"Let it out, you can talk to me after ok?" my response was sobs and arms wrapped around me, this lasted for a while, about ten minutes before he stopped, though the hug lasted longer.
"I'm so sorry Eli" he'd sniffle, finally letting go "I got your shirt all wet"
"Aiden, that's the least of my worries, I promise" I'd sit next to him, wrapping my arm around him "I'm here to help you ok? However that may be, promise"
He'd fiddle with his shirt "Can you help me clean my room first? I'll tell you after..."
All I did was nod before we started cleaning, I made his bed while he cleaned any trash on his desks. We slowly made progress before it was liveable. Once most of the trash was tossed, the laundry in a manageable pile, and his bed made, we sat down again. Silence was all that was said before he chocked out a few words.
"Im suicidal Eli..." Tears filled his eyes, all I could do was hug him, tighter than before, we all joked that I was like the big brother, but at this time, thats what I needes to do, protect him.
"I've been depressed since middle school, meeting you... the group I felt like I actually had a family that I could trust" he doesn't hug back, his arms resting in his lap. "These voices, they've been so much worse recently... I always felt like I was just a 2nd thought, Like I shouldn't be there, I mean, you all are so close but every time I hang out with you I feel like my heart is being stabbed... Once I'm home I cry, I don't remember the last time I was happy without pills" Looking back it was obvious, the mood swings, he'd ghost us for a few days to. Yet we were oblivious
"If im not taking pills I have an urge you know? An urge to just.. kill myself" more sobs left his mouth, resting his face in my shoulder
"Im in so much pain Eli... if you didn't answer I-"
I immediately cut him off, all he- I needed was time to process. Aiden was the last person you would think to be depressed. Always happy and egar to hang out. We've been to his house many times, never was it messy. His grades are perfect 100s, his family seems so lovely. Everyone at school loves him, he easily makes friends. It took all my effort to not cry. His arms finally wrapped around me. He continued a few minutes later.
"Eli please don't tell anyone. Please don't mention this to anyone else"
"I promise" I gently cupped his cheeks and looked in his eyes, wiping his tears away and smiling softly "you tell them whenever you're ready"
"Thank you so much" his eyes would drift down to his arms, the movement drew my eyes to follow, he moved up his sleeves to show cuts, fresh and old. To many to count. "I've tried stopping but it's so addictive"
My hands would drop and hold his "Aiden... next time you need to, please message me, I won't be mad ok? I just want to help."
My only response was a nod, tears falling to our hands as I rubbed them away. An alarm went off as Aiden moved his hands away to turn it off, it was 5:30 but school didn't start till 7.
"It gives me time to try to get out of bed." he'd sigh and looked up at me "I'll ses you at school Eli... you can go home"
Letting go of his hands I saw his smile, pained and forced but still soft yet uncanny. I hesitantly left after giving him another hug and ruffled his hair. Leaving felt so wrong, so I didn't, not till 6, I mostly just cried. Why didn't I notice sooner. He's never worn short sleeves. We've never seen him cry, He's almost always happy. I felt like a fuck up, like I could have prevented this from getting worse. I stared at his window as if I were waiting for something.
The conversation re-running in my head. What did he mean by "pills?" Probably Anti depressants. Why was he trusting me with this, I mean Ally and Lilliana are much better with feelings than me. Brett is a great listener, Lucas, well he can't really keep secerts. Was any of this my fault? Is there anything I can do better? I'd ask for help from Ally but I can't, It'll be wrong, I promised him I'd not tell anyone. I want to do more but I'm not quite sure what I can do. Is there anything else I can do? I'd have to ask him next time we're alone.
Once I left I composed myself and went to my room to change and ate breakfast with Ally and driving us to school. I found myself constantly checking the time, Aiden was in time, getting to school at 6:45 like normal, he was smiling and bubbly, hugging the group and cracking jokes with Brett, but all I could do was see past it all. Giving him a hug I ruffled his hair.
"Good to see you Aiden" I beemed a smile before Lucas nudged him
"Wanna walk to class Aiden?"
He'd nod and smile, waving bye to us and leaving. Me and the others chatted until the bell rang.
I messaged him in the middle of class; "Meet me at my house after school." My mind was racing all till lunch worried about him, I was only left on read, we're in school so I shouldn't be worrying this much but I couldn't help it. At lunch we sat in the courtyard, nobody else dared to other than a few of the freshman and sophomores occasionally when they were bullied out of their seats by seniors. We sat out there because it was peaceful and quiet, and we're hoping to meet Andy one day, we've been unsuccessful. Lucas and Ally always have soup, an apple and a cookie. Aiden would have a Pb&J that we would split with Lilliana when she'd forget her luncbox at home. Brett had left overs that always looked and smelt so good. I always had a ham and cheess sandwich, Capri sun or a water, and an orange. Whenever my eyes where on Aiden I felt more at ease.
"Why'd you leave so early last night, Eli?" Ally would mention with a half full mouth, "you woke me up, your car is so loud"
"Ah- im sorry I just had grab something for Aiden at the warehouse he forgot after the investigation" Hoping I sold it, I looked at him, though be was bussing himself with his phone.
"OHHHH ok, that makes sense, he always forgets something there" she'd giggle and give him a light nudge as my phone went off. Looking at it, it was a message from Aiden; "I'll see" a tiny smile filled my face and of course Lucas had to mention it.
"Who's the special lady~" he'd smirk
"Nobody now be quiet." Scoffing sarcastically, everyone chatted and ate for the rest of lunch.
Once the bell rang there was never really anything happening till last hour, which I have with Aiden, Though I didn't sit next to him, I made an effort to wait for him before and after class.
"Hey! I can give you a ride home of your dad can't pick you up today"
"Oh, we can just go to yours, you needed to talk to me and he's busy today."
A nod in response, I lead him to my car after school, the group stopped us at the library like normal, where we formed a circle, talking for a few minutes before we headed out own way. The drive home was quiet, Aiden wasn't smiling just looking out the window.
"What did you want to talk about Eli?" He'd look at me
"I'll tell you in my room, my mum would be happy to see you" he'd nod and hooked his phone to my Aux and played some metal music. Just as I suspected she was happy to see Aiden.
"I haven't seen you in a while! We're having tacos if you're staying long enough"
"Thank you but im ok" he'd smile headed to my room and sat on the bed. Closing the door behind us. "So?"
"What can I do to help you?" Sitting next to him, hand over his, looking him in the eyes.
"So.. just... reassuring me, I like physical assurance, hugs, anything really, talking to me to.. checking on me, all which you already do" he'd look at me smiling "You're an amazing friend" tiny smile before hugging me. "thank you"
I rubbed his back and smiled.
"I'm always here for you" ruffling his hair before we're interrupted by the door opening
"Hey! sorry I'm sorry I forgot some things last night"
Ally looked at us "I was hoping if we could all stay tonight actually, Me, Lucas, and possibly Aiden"
Aiden would look up and nod "I was already planning on it"
They would both look at me, as if they were lost dogs, wanting me to say something.
"Sure, I don't mind" I'd smile "Your clothes are in the dryer Ally."
"Oki Doki! I'll grab Lucas" Shed leave, Aiden would look at me
"Could you wake me up before school? I don't want to annoy everyone with my alarms"
"Oh sure! I'll wake up early to wake you up also" I'd get up and grabbed his clothes. "Anything else?"
"Uhm... no, I can sleep on the floor"
"Oh my bed is big enough, either you, Ally, Or Lucas can share my bed" He'd smile in response, picking at his hoodie
"I could probably share with you" finally giving a response "If thats ok"
"Of course it is, whatever you're comfortable with"
Almost an hour later Ally and Lucas showed up, dinner was called, we ate all the tacos we could want before winding down and playing some board games, Monopoly and Jenga mostly. Around 11 we changed and layed down, Lucas sleeping where he normally does, on my beanbag in my reading corner, Ally was in the spare mattress, while me and Aiden were sharing a bed with plenty of Space between us. Ally and Lucas fell asleep quickly. Aiden and I talked for a short while before I fell asleep.
I woke up around 6, shaking Aiden to wake him up before leaving the room to change, Brett called me.
"YO! look outside!"
Confused I looked out the window to see a whole bunch of snow. "Is it a snow day today-?"
"hell yea, me and Lilliana are going to the wearhouse at noon, you all should join us"
"Sounds like a plan, I'll let them all know" I hung up and as everyone slowly woke up I told them the news.