Erica had driven here on her own so when everyone else headed back to the Mitchell house, she offered to drive Adam. Somehow, she could tell that he needed a moment to grieve without having to be strong for his mom and siblings.
She was right. He slumped down in front of it and reached out to touch the headstone, whispering something that broke her heart. "Am I doing enough, Dad?"
Now Erica wanted to cry. He was already doing so much. How could he possibly think that?
He probably hadn't meant for her to hear that but she had to speak up as she sat down next to him and leaned against his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his back. "You're doing more than enough. He would be really proud of you."
"I'm trying, I really am, but I know I can't replace him. All I can do is try to keep his memory alive with what he taught me. He always said family was the most important thing in the world. I can't let him down."
Adam's voice was shaking by the end of that and Erica couldn't take it anymore. She had to give him a full hug so she crawled onto his lap and threw her arms around his neck.
"You're not. You never could. You love your family more than anyone I've ever met. You're doing an amazing job, Adam. No one is a better brother or son than you," she said fervently, hoping more than anything that her words got through to him.
"Thanks," he whispered.
Erica felt a few tears fall on her shirt as he held her rather desperately and neither of them said anything for several minutes before Adam pulled away to wipe his tears and gave her a very tiny smile before officially "introducing" her to his dad. That broke her heart too. This was probably the most outward grief he would allow himself to show all day because he felt like he had to be strong for everyone else.
He didn't have to be strong for her though. She could support him while he was supporting everyone else.
"You've raised a wonderful son, Mr. Mitchell," Erica said with a lump in her throat.
Adam squeezed her hand tightly as she did and her heart broke for him all over again. Then again when they made it back to the house and he managed to distract his siblings by suggesting they break out the ping-pong table.
She had never seen anything so intense in her life even though everyone played with runny noses and puffy eyes. They got into the spirit of the competition quickly and Adam watched with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes whenever it wasn't his turn.
But he cheered or catcalled various siblings to keep the energy up and everyone seemed like their usual selves before long. This was the first time Erica had seen this sort of thing for herself but he probably had to do this a lot when his dad first died, hadn't he? Bending over backwards and ignoring how sad he felt to try and cheer everyone else up.
Erica had never felt so sad for another person before. She wanted to hug him and never let go.
He really was so amazing, even if his tendency to put other people first drove her nuts sometimes. She had never met anyone else as selfless or kind as him and doubted she ever would again.
Adam was special. She had known he was a good person since the start but that only increased as she got to know him better. He was the best person she knew. She didn't even want to imagine her life without him in it.
Erica knew she would never be his first priority but understood the why behind that better than ever before seeing him go today. She couldn't resent it at all.
She knew he loved her, though he had never said the words outright. He had carried a torch for her since seventh grade. That would have been enough of a clue even without the way he smiled at her like she was the most wonderful thing in the world.
And if she was being perfectly honest with herself, she loved him too. She wouldn't be so upset on his behalf if she didn't. He made her so happy so she wanted to see him happy too more than anything.
Now wasn't the right time to tell him though. Not on such a depressing day. This wasn't about her. Maybe she could do it on Valentine's Day. They already had plans because he had managed to switch shifts with somebody.
Erica only played one game of ping-pong that she lost so spectacularly that Jenna came up and patted her arm saying, "There, there." She couldn't stop herself from snorting.
She could admit it. She was terrible at ping-pong. Even the little kids were holding their own better than her. It was better just to watch.
At the end of the night, Adam walked her out to her car and sweetly kissed her lips before giving her a lingering hug. "Thanks for being here today. Really. It was a lot easier knowing you had my back."
Erica was relieved. She had actually managed to help him! She would have his back forever if she had things her way. Provided he let her. Honestly, knowing his personality, it was amazing that he showed as much weakness in front of her as he did today. Vulnerable moment or not.
"Happy to help," she said thickly. "See you tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Drive safe, Erica."
He kissed her again before she got into her car and she saw in the rearview mirror that he didn't go back inside until after she turned the corner to get off his street. Today was an emotional ringer but she couldn't regret being with him and his family on such a difficult day.
Adam had needed her. She wasn't about to let him down. She loved him too much for that.
===
On Valentine's Day, their plans involved going out to dinner at a steakhouse on her dime and then to a hotel to take advantage of the indoor swimming pool and hot tub. Erica couldn't deny that she had other things on her mind as well but didn't want to say so aloud because it was embarrassing.
They had never slept together before because they both lived at home where there wasn't enough privacy. She had begun to wonder if she should get a job solely so she could afford to move out—even if it was only to a studio apartment—but it wasn't like Adam would want to live with her even if she did. He had to be at home to help at a moment's notice.
Still. They would have more privacy than in her room at home. It was worth considering.
Erica may be paying for the date but Adam still brought her flowers and these red velvet cookies Colton made that were out-of-this-world delicious. Tulips. Her favorite.
He always remembered things she said she liked, even if she only mentioned it once. She had never known anyone else so thoughtful. He always knew what those he cared about liked, wanted, or needed and often took care of things without saying a word.
She sniffed them with a big smile on her face before kissing him and setting them down in the back seat of his car so they could head out. Dinner was delicious and she enjoyed talking to him the way she always did. She felt so much love and appreciation for him that she thought she might burst. Being on a date with him on the most romantic day of the year was making her sentimental.
And while swimming was fun, she was also going a little crazy seeing him shirtless. It was the first time that had happened and he looked like he worked out even though she knew he didn't have the time.
Erica realized he was having the same problem when he started kissing her once they were alone in the elevator on their way up to their room. As she suspected would happen, they got carried away and she finally found her chance once she was curled up in his arms afterward.
"I love you, Adam."
He sighed contentedly and kissed the top of her head. "I love you too. So much."
She knew he did but it was nice to hear the words all the same. He was more a man of action than one of words but she had heard him be verbally affectionate with his mom and siblings before.
After he told her that he loved her that first time, he said it every day. Mostly when they parted ways or signed off on phone calls but at random too when she caught him gazing at her with his heart in his eyes. That look always made her want to kiss him but she couldn't get away with it every time because there were usually too many witnesses.