"Erica, just…tread lightly, okay? You don't know what's going on with this boy at home," Carrie said.
Erica's face flamed. "I told you this is about my friend!"
"And you really thought I would believe that?"
"…no."
"So. Who is he?" her mom asked with a knowing smile, making her want to sink into the ground.
She had her there. Erica sighed. "My study buddy. We met—or at least I thought we did—my first semester of college and kept signing up for generals together afterward because it was nice having someone trustworthy to study with."
"Is he cute?"
"Very. He has the deepest blue eyes I've ever seen."
"Do you like him?"
Did she? As a person, absolutely. But she had always dismissed thinking of him as a guy because she hadn't thought he was interested. Now that she did…
"Maybe?"
"I don't think you would be this frustrated about him not saying anything if you didn't," Carrie said wisely.
Erica supposed that was true. But it wasn't until the following day when Adam wasn't in class that she truly began to think her mom was right. She was genuinely worried when he didn't show up. She knew his studies were important to him! If he could show up when he was so sick but didn't now, what had happened?
Her stomach twisted when he wasn't there the next day either. Or the next. Or the day after that.
Where was he? What happened to him?
A week passed and Erica was beside herself. She hadn't realized how dependent she was on Adam's presence in her life until it was gone.
Something similar had happened at the beginning of the summer. She had thought it was just because she was bored. That was a large part of why she went along with Dan's flirting in the first place. Trying to fight the boredom.
But it was never about boredom, wasn't it? It was because she wanted to see Adam specifically and felt off when she didn't. Why did she only have to realize that now?!
===
Adam didn't know why Erica was so down but it was distressing to see so he brought her extra of Colton's latest creation in an effort to cheer her up. He wasn't expecting to hear that things weren't going well with her boyfriend.
She didn't state it explicitly but it almost sounded like they had broken up. Why did he stupidly get his hopes up hearing that? It didn't affect him at all!
Perhaps being thrown off like that was why he ended up blurting too much. He was only digging a deeper and deeper hole for himself. If he was smart, he would make a break for it before he ruined everything.
Erica said that he was the nicest person she knew and that anyone would be lucky to date him without realizing that she was basically stabbing him in the heart. She was just saying that to be nice. She didn't actually mean it because she didn't like him.
Adam was more self-deprecating than he meant to be and gave himself away too much because she began asking questions about who he liked. Which was the last thing he ever wanted to answer!
In a panic, he couldn't even tell her that he didn't want to talk about this. All he could do was continue to flounder.
He had never been like this. He was able to handle situations coolly and calmly because he had to but supposed it was different when other people were depending on him and when he was the only one dealing with it. He wasn't capable of looking out for himself the way he was looking out for others.
Adam was dying even before Erica said she doubted there was anyone miles out of his league. She was though! He had nothing to offer her. And she wasn't even saying this as anything but a friend trying to cheer him up so it didn't count. So why did she have to go and make things worse by saying he was awesome? She was giving him the wrong idea here!
Giving up completely, Adam slammed his head onto the table. What was he supposed to do? Someone needed to tell him what to do for once! Winging it was going horribly and if he didn't get a hold of himself right now, he was going to ruin everything forever and not be able to look her in the eye again.
He was still trying to figure out what to do when Erica continued lethally complimenting him. "I don't know what made you think something like that but you're wrong. You could have any girl you wanted. You're nice, funny, super smart, sweet, and a great big brother. What's not to like? Being busy wouldn't prevent you from being a good boyfriend. I've seen how you make time for your siblings. The people you care about are very lucky."
Blood roared in his ears. He had to get out of here. He couldn't deal with this right now when his head wasn't screwed on straight. He had to go before he did something he couldn't take back like kiss her.
Adam did what he should have done much earlier in the conversation. He ran for his life.
What did all of that mean? He didn't know why she would say any of those things! He wasn't even sure if she was officially broken up with her boyfriend or not!
Heart pounding, he went straight home. He wouldn't be able to do homework right now if he tried. Colton found him staring at the ceiling again but he hadn't even made it to the bed. He was on the floor in a total state of shock.
"Adam, what in the world are you doing?" he asked in a tone that clearly indicated he thought his older brother had lost his mind. Perhaps he had.
"What do I do?" he moaned, flinging his arm over his eyes.
"…about what?"
Colton was the only one who even knew about Erica. Giving him more information could result in horrible teasing but he might also be able to make more sense of it than Adam had so he very reluctantly told him after getting a promise that he wouldn't give him a hard time about it.
"I think she likes you."
"What?!" Adam yelped. "Did you not hear anything I said?"
"I heard all of it. Even if she's only rebounding, she seems interested. She wouldn't have talked you up so much if she wasn't," Colton said plainly.
Adam couldn't believe this. But what if she did? Would he really be okay with being a rebound? Disregarding that, what about all the reasons why he hadn't wanted to get into a relationship in the first place?
He really didn't have the time or emotional capacity. He had more than enough people to worry about already. He always expected he would settle down someday but that was such a distant, far-off thought not only because the only one he had ever loved didn't know he existed until a year ago and but because he didn't want to worry about anything but accomplishing his goals until he was capable of supporting himself and his family after college.
He and Erica were too different. He would never fit in with her millions of friends. And she wouldn't want to deal with someone who was constantly working and never had time for her. She deserved better than that.
"I can't," Adam whispered.
Colton put both of his hands on his brother's shoulders and looked him dead in the eye. "You can. You just won't. You deserve to be happy more than anyone I know. If the girl you've been in love with for eight years likes you back, you HAVE to see it through."
"I have way too many things to take care of! I wouldn't be the kind of boyfriend she deserves."
"Adam. If you can manage to be a good big brother while working two jobs, I think you can handle having a girlfriend. Give it a chance, will you? I don't want you to spend forever moping about the one that got away."
Could he really? Provided Colton wasn't just messing with him and Erica actually did like him. He wasn't sure he had the guts. He had to take care of his family. That was his obligation. He didn't have the confidence that he would be able to make anyone else happy.
If Adam failed…if she broke up with him after he got closer to her…would his heart ever recover? He had already pined after her for so long. He didn't think he would be able to bear that.
There was no guarantee they would break up but it was more likely than not considering how different the two of them were. Was that a risk he was willing to take?
He may have already blown things with her forever by running out of there in his panic. She had to know something weird was going on and was judging him for it. How would he even try to explain himself tomorrow?