I always hated going out but somehow I always found myself going out anyway; I would always end up leaving my house and being outside and I never had any idea why or how.
In particular I always hated going out like this.
I like going out to dinner, to brunch, to do some go karting, have fun with some paint balling and other normal stuff like pampering myself or traveling.
Like a normal person.
A lie?
I hate coming to the club but that could be hard to believe because I still have a lot of fun when I do but that is just because I am an alcoholic.
The colourful, flashing lights could blind anyone. I was completely surrounded by multiple people which included girls gyrating their hips to extra loud bass boosted music by the likes of Vybz Kartel, Skillibeng, Skeng etc.
"Yuh good?" I get pulled from my thoughts because of the query from my best friend.
My eyes meet his while his hand was resting on my shoulder. "Yeah."
He pushes his eyebrows together. "Yuh sure?"
I almost roll my eyes but I know he is always just looking out for me and making sure I am okay.
"Yeah, I'm alright."
My response earns me a smile.
"Alright, good. We're gonna go buy drinks now and come right back." He releases my shoulder and walks towards the bar.
I take a seat so that they could bring a table there and went on my phone to pass time.
Before I knew it a table is being brought to me followed by girls holding Appleton, chasers, cups and buckets of ice.
As soon as everything was set down I made a drink for myself but before I could properly take a sip I feel someone nudge me.
My best friend.
"Some more people are supposed to come soon." He says to me.
Ok?
"Oh okay," I am not sure how to respond and I would assume he could tell because I don't particularly deal well with company or people overall. "I think I'm gonna take a walk then come back."
He simply nods then turns back to his friends while I make my way outside with my cup and phone in hand.
I finally feel like I can breathe once I am outside and because of that I take a deep breath and release a sigh of relief. Leaving the club physically was the last thing I needed to do to finally breathe properly.
Finally.
Peace and quiet.
In a way it almost seems as if I am torturing myself by coming out to places like this because I have to drink to get out of character to enjoy myself.
In a way it's almost a form of self harm don't you think?
All I can hear is some form of choppa song that I can't even be bothered to decipher playing distantly in the background and feel the cool, night breeze outside against my clammy skin.
This is one of the most amazing feelings to me as a form of release from that club.
I do a small smile to myself and took a sip from my cup.
"Muma."
Dear God...
I must be imagining.
Just when I thought it would all go well I had to be disturbed.
As usual I pretend as if I do not hear the person.
"Muma." This time it was louder and a bit more stern.
I still ignore the call and pretend to be busy on my phone.
I feel someone tap my shoulder and I am immediately face to face with a guy. He had two other guys behind him.
I observed him from head to toe without a doubt I know my face is immediately twisted into a scowl.
His hair is locked- not long, probably right below his ears and looks like it was groomed recently. He has red slits for eyes or maybe he was just high or cautious even. I can assume high because his lips are slightly dark in contrast to his caramel skin.
He is really skinny but that is expected from someone whose diet obviously consists of weed.
His small frame is decorated with a casual Nautica shirt and cut off jeans shorts.
Typical...
How silly of me to look further to where I see that he has on a pair of Nautica slides and socks.
Ew.
"Muma, yuh nuh hear mi a call yuh?" His voice disturbs my observation and his face matches how I feel- disgusted.
Mmcht.
He does not have the right to be disgusted after approaching me while looking like that.
"Me?" I mentally slap myself for that because of course he's talking about me.
"No, me." He rolls his eyes. "Yuh see Jordan?"
I scoff at the audacity of this guy. He's gonna give me an attitude and roll his eyes at me and expect me to tell him where my best friend is?
He puts his hand out and snaps his fingers in my face while widening his eyes. "Hello?" he snaps harder. "Yuh deaf?"
I kiss my teeth and begin to walk away from him.
Rude nuh bloodclaat.
I don't even get a good chance to do so before he holds my shoulder.
"The fuck?"
"Jordan. Jordan. Yuh know weh Jordan deh." He is almost taunting me. "Mi know seh yuh know Jordan cause yuh and e dag par."
I shake his grip from my shoulder. "Look fi Jordan yuhself. Mi a nuh man keeper."
His eyes widen. "Excuse you?"
"Excuse yourself. You want Jordan? Guh look fi him."
Normally I would never speak to someone like that but the liquor in my veins gives me a boost of confidence as per usual but now especially to someone as absolutely fucking rude as this guy.
"Alright muma. See how yuh move." I hear him mumble.
I kiss my teeth once more and make my way back to Jordan and I know that guy was following me.
My peace is ruined and the cause is tailing me.
As soon as I see Jordan, the guy pushes past me and goes straight to him.
"Bro yuh good?" Jordan acknowledges the very rude man and his accomplices.
"Deh ya enuh. Yuh good?" The guy says to him.
Jordan nods and takes a sip from his cup.
I hate being around men and at this moment I am completely surrounded by men.
I am immediately annoyed at the realization, kiss my teeth and go to pour myself another drink as I take a seat.
Before I could even feel the effect of my alcohol, I hear my name being called.
"Jade! Jade!" I turn around and my eyes meet Jordan's. I observe his surroundings and see that his likkle dutty foot fren dem are crowding him as always.
Man love man.
I roll my eyes once more but not at Jordan.
I make my way over to him, ignoring his entire entourage to see what the next move is.
He pulls me into a quick hug which I return and gives me a small smile.
"We gonna go to another club." He says to me.
I hope that means that his friends will go elsewhere.
We make our way over to his car and I go straight to the front so I do not have to mix and mingle with his friends.
Once we arrive at the next club and get out of the car, we join the line at the entrance.
After standing in line for no more than a minute, I hear Jordan's name being called.
"Jordan!"
We look over and see none other than Mr. "Muma".
He walks over to Jordan and gives him some wristbands to get in the club.
"Dawg yuh mek mi race yuh and win?" He laughs. Jordan returns a small laugh as well while he fixes the wristband onto his hand and turns to do the same for me.
"Yuh stan up inna line bro? Tell yuh seh dat cyaah gwaan wid mi. A lie?" One thing I will always despise about men is how easily cocky they get.
Jordan gave a small laugh to his friend or associate or whatever. "Nawmal."
Jordan has always been my best friend even though for some reason persons always think that's impossible- it quite literally isn't. That's 20 whole years of just solid, genuine friendship. We've known each other since before we were born and went to school with each other until now in university, except in high school because I went to girls' school.
Regardless of me knowing Jordan so long, there's just some things I will never know and while it makes me a bit uneasy at times- I trust that I know what is necessary.
He's always been a bit on the shy side but he has always been very loyal. Sometimes he surprises me when I see the kind of friends he's made outside of the type I've grown to know.
That's never phased me though because I know the type of person he is and I have no doubt that he always keeps his best interest at heart.
We make our way into the club and begin drinking once more.
This time though, the liquor is really speaking to me.
I am bubbling with excitement all because of it and I am absolutely loving how it's making me feel.
It makes me feel like talking louder, singing along to the songs that would make my mother's ears bleed and swaying my hips, but never to skin out and dash out.
It becomes very blurry and disoriented. All of a sudden, I am in the front seat of Sir Muma's black crown while he rubs my thigh and the seats are pushed back.
That's when I regain consciousness.
"What the fuck." It's not even a question because I am just genuinely in shock.
"What?" He asks in pure confusion but keeps his hand on my thing, caressing it even though his tone depicts a bit of annoyance.
"What do you mean what? Get off of me." I push him off me and fix my dress.
He pushes his brows together in confusion.
"You're so confusing and weird." He rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
I am not sure if it is the alcohol or what but I am getting loud even though we are in a small space- a closed car.
"Me?" I turn to him with wide eyes and jab a finger in his chest. "I am confusing and weird? You're the one feeling me up."
He turns to look at me then cocks his head.
"Yuh ask mi." He cocks his lip as well.
I laugh. "Me? Ask you?" I giggle. "Be real.. Why mi woulda ask you- dutty foot you- fi feel up nice, nice girl like me?"
He visibly cringes at the term "dutty foot".
"Yuh drunk nuh fuck." He lets out a small emotionless laugh. "Gwaan back to yuh man or whatever him be."
I cannot believe he didn't even say sorry. "Yah run mi?"
He does not answer.
Instead he opens the door and pushes it.
My whole face twists into confusion. "Yah run mi?" I ask once more but a bit louder.
He still does not answer.
He simply continues to look straight ahead.
I reach over and slap him in his chest. One time but really hard.
I would've never done that if I was sober though.
When he doesn't react, I reach over to slap him once more but he is quicker than me this time. He grabs my hand before I can make contact with his chest then he turns me towards the open door with a firm grip on my hand.
I decide to get out of his car so I step out and before I closed the door I turn to him and bend down to make eye contact with him. Sure enough he was looking at me.
"Fuck you."
I decide to leave his door open and walk back to the club to Jordan.
On my walk back over there I decide that I need a break because of how disoriented I feel from all the drinking so I sit on the wall and close my eyes for two minutes.
I take a deep breath to mentally prepare myself for the walk when my heart almost jumps out of my chest because my eyes met Sir Muma's eyes.
"Fuck yuh just do?"