,,You're dumb." Aurora's words slid down from me as easily as they came out of her lips.
My eyes were focused on an indefinite point behind the window glass, where a large amount of raindrops could be seen. It was still dusk outside and a cup of hot tea warmed my cold fingers.
My sleep last night may have been a little longer than the night before, but still the circles under my eyes haven't shrunk by a millimeter.
I felt as miserable as I looked.
But Aurora didn't notice, and she continued to wring my reaction cells.
,,The boy really fought for you!" Her voice came again.
The feeling that yesterday's situation had left me more uneasy than my friend was still growing.
Additionally, her words made no sense.
The punches that hit her ex-boyfriend were there mainly because of herself.
,,Text him at least."
This time I turned my face towards her. I could only shake my head, and a wrinkle between my eyebrows also made its place.
,,I've got to go." I got up from the table and walked into the hall, where I put on the only waterproof shoes I owned.
The huge puff jacket that reached for my calves also found its place on my body.
,,You have a university today?" Aurora leaned her shoulder against the wall and a resigned expression on her face.
I just nodded at that.
,,So soon? How many?"
,,Before my three-hour course today, I'm going to the clinic for a sec, so..." I answered as I picked up my bag and keys.
,,I'm sorry. For what happened yesterday." She spoke again. Her apology was out of place. She couldn't blame what happened. She didn't want what happened. Even so, I turned to her with a sincere smile. ,,I know that."
,,Could you got him breakfast?" I nodded at the sleeping ball on the couch before I left the apartment.
In the next hour, I attempted to avoid raindrops as much as possible, and when I finally stood in the lobby of the psychiatric hospital, the weight of my jacket dragged me straight to the ground.
Right away I went to the front desk, where Mrs. Kwack was looking for something in a pile of several stacks of paper.
,, Have there been any new developments?"
,,Oh hi there, Millie. I'm really sorry, but nothing new is known about Mr. Jee." She answered with a worried frown on her face.
Another rush of nausea passed through me, so I had to lock my elbows on the counter and try to refresh my hot forehead with cold palms.
,,You brought him here to the building. As it is written in the rules. You didn't do anything wrong." Her words had a reassuring sense, but her voice carried what I was very well aware of.
,,But I didn't do anything good either." I nodded.
I looked blankly at the space in front of me, while Mrs. Kwack remained silent.
With a faint farewell, I adjusted my bag on my shoulder and begun to leave.
This time my heart and mind came together and were bringing me to my knees.
I should have gone looking for him at that moment, but despite that penetrating thought, I couldn't.
The next second, I bent over the dropped pen, which fell out to the clinic staff. I handed it to the woman in the work uniform and continued my steps.
,,Excuse me!" A female voice behind me stopped me.
I turned hesitantly back to the woman, who was subconsciously pointing at me with the tip of the pen I had handed her.
Only frown wrinkles were visible on her face as she measured me with a contemptuous look.
,,Are you still here?" That was all she could do before I turned my back on her.
All right, I'm done. That's it.
Everything that was part of the threads that held my lifeline together tore at that moment and all that was left was exactly what shouldn't have, but precisely what I wanted most that second.
And that's why I stood a little later in front of that huge building with the determination written in my attitude.
I walked through the spacious entrance hall to the elevators, and for a few moments I knocked on one of the doors that were on the sides of a long corridor.
As soon as a guy wearing nothing but tracksuit basketball shorts hung too low on the hip bones crossed my field of vision, my brain shut down the ugly words.
His eyes were fluttered close as he rubbed them with knuckles and his dark, longer hair was more than dishevelled.
The probability of my bipolar disorder increased the next time I reconsidered my decision again.
,,Sorry, wrong door."
Yes, that was exactly what my proactive thinking produced.
,,Sorry, wrong door"?!
Thanks to my legs, unlike my head, I was able to take advantage of his apparent drowsiness.
,,Millie. Just come in." His voice trailed off, only to confirm a few minutes earlier he had been asleep.
As soon as it came out of his mouth, I was amazed at how humiliated I could be with those few words.
Like a child who just made up the wisest excuse in the history of the world. But in the end, he still cries in the corner of the room when his parents convince him otherwise.
,,Millie."
This time I felt like a pup following his master's command with a pulled tail between the legs, because in a few seconds I was really inside his apartment.
,,Why did you come?" The basic question but a difficult answer.
,,It kinda seemed right to me." I said truthfully and travelled my gaze on his face.
,,Why are they there?"
He cocked an eyebrow at me as soon as he pulled his chaotic hair into a simple half-bun.
,,Those bruises. Why are they there?" I clarified this with noticeable annoyance.
I looked at the blue-yellow spots on his face that certainly weren't there yesterday.
,,I saw that." He bowed his head slightly to me and stepped a little closer.
,, I saw him reach out to you. How he touched you. I heard the words he told you." He spoke in a low voice.
I tilted my chin up in epiphany.
,,And believe me, Millie, when I was sitting there and they were playing the video recording from the cafe in front of me as if it were a fucking action movie and I was sitting in a cinema with popcorn between my thighs, they could do anything, but they wouldn't stop me." He got even closer until I had the opportunity to smell his natural scent.
At least, from his words, a chill ran down my spine.
As his voice crossed my mind a few more times, Su-Jin backed away from me and took a few steps toward the kitchen counter, where he rested his palms on the edge of the marble countertop.
,,I'll make you some tea, alright?"
The pressure that gripped my inside was gone.
No flying butterflies in the stomach or anything like that. Just a feeling of safety and relaxation.
That was what I perceived and what I really liked.
I hung my jacket on a hanger and put my shoes to the door. Then I walked over to one of the bar stools and my ass touched the soft leather, my skin felt a pleasant warm air and my ears heard soft drops of rain from outside.
It wasn't until later that I noticed that he managed to put on a dark sweatshirt that fit him perfectly.
,,I hope he's not dead."
Then I heard him chuckle as he poured hot water into two cups with tea bags.
That was enough for me to reaction.
,,No, you don't." He finally said and it was possible that he was right.
The next minute, he put a familiarly smelled tea in front of me, grabbed my cold, numb palms in his, and placed them on both sides of the cup.
,,I heard you like black tea."