Yun Shan's funeral was held three days later.
She didn't have many relatives. Her parents had died in a car accident a few years ago, just as she said. Apparently, she was the only one to have survived the crash, but now I knew how.
I had done some digging after her death, because there were several pieces of the puzzle that made no sense to me. Yun Shan said that she had been possessed by Jiang Shi upon that moment of death a few years ago, but she had done nothing to Shu Hong Qiu the entire time. And I found it difficult to believe that the rivals in the underworld had planned the hit in high school so long ago. There were too many things that could go wrong.
Later, I found out that Jiang Shi wasn't deliberately sent from the underworld to assassinate Shu Hong Qiu specifically. She was a wandering spirit that took over Yun Shan's dying body and used her as a host to keep the both of them alive. They knew nothing about the request to eliminate Shu Hong Qiu until Jiang Shi received a message directly from hell.
It was just a very simple prank, really. Han Zhi Hui of the occult club had attempted to summon a demon, but she failed. What happened, however, was her ritual ended up becoming a medium of communication for Jiang Shi to receive the request from the vengeful rivals of the Shu family in the underworld.
Normally, it wouldn't have worked. But Jiang Shi was already dead, and thus she possessed a connection to the underworld, allowing her to receive the message. Thanks to that, she began her plan, first by killing the unfortunate Han Zhi Hui, draining her of her blood and turning her into a ghoul.
How I came by that information was a story for another day. For now, though, I wondered just how aware Yun Shan was of her alter ego. Did she watch helplessly from a deep corner of her mind, unable to do anything while Jiang Shi used her body to commit horrific murders? Or did she treat them all as a nightmare, waking up in the morning in cold sweat and considering if she required psychiatric treatment? If it was the latter, when did she realize those nightmares were actually real?
I still recalled the dream I experienced when Jiang Shi headbutted me. That gave me a look into Yun Shan's past, and I finally understood why she loved Lian Hua so much.
Unfortunately, I realized how little I knew about my friend. I called her my friend, but I had known absolutely nothing of her family circumstances…the sort of tragedy she had been through, and just how lonely she was…with only Lian Hua to cling to as her sole beacon of light in a life of bitter loss.
And yet I…
Sitting at the wake, I lowered my head. My glasses were still on, but they provided little concealment for my red, swollen eyes. Even now, tears continued to stream down from my face as I huddled at the back row, unable to meet anyone's gaze.
I killed her. I was the one who killed her.
A portrait of a smiling Yun Shan was placed in front of her coffin, reminiscent of how she had been in life. A confident, reassuring expression that perhaps meant to say that this wasn't a tragedy. That she was simply embarking on a new adventure.
That smile only intensified the sharp pain in my chest. The guilt weighed heavily down on me, and I clenched my fists, nearly unable to bear the tremendous pressure.
I almost didn't notice someone patting my shoulder. I didn't dare to look up, for I was a shameful sight at the moment. A sniveling, sobbing wreck, barely capable of uttering a single word. For the first time, I had lost all desire to rhyme. Such was my grief that I cared little about maintaining my sense of humor.
"Don't bear the burden all by yourself." Shu Hong Qiu bit her lip, not sure what else to say. She tightened her fingers on my shoulder, attempting to offer some consolation. "My hands are just as bloodstained as yours. And you...did the right thing."
"I killed her."
"You saved her."
"Did I really?" I swallowed and suppressed the urge to lash out. This wasn't Shu Hong Qiu's fault. This wasn't her grandfather's fault for assigning me this mission. Even so, I couldn't help but be bitter.
This agony…this grief…was it worth coming back to life for? Worth a second chance at life, and redoing everything?
If I had known everything would turn out this way, I would have insisted on staying in the underworld, my redo be damned.
"If you…hadn't done what you did, the demon possessing her would have taken many more lives. You didn't just save Yun Shan, you also saved a lot of people."
"That's just a pretty way of covering up the fact that I killed my friend." I laughed hollowly. Shu Hong Qiu watched me worriedly. Taking my glasses off, I wiped my eyes. Keeping my gaze down, I sighed. "Sorry. I just want…to be alone for a while."
"…take care. And try not to blame yourself."
That was impossible. I was responsible for my own actions. No matter how people shaped their rhetoric, it didn't change the fact that I killed Yun Shan. That sin was mine to bear forever.
My eyes shut, I listened to Shu Hong Qiu walk away. Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I sat by myself in silence for a few more seconds. Once I was sure I had recovered enough to not draw any attention from the other people attending the wake, I slowly stood up. Hopefully, I could disappear before anyone noticed how red my eyes were.
Before I could leave the mourning hall, however, I caught sight of a familiar figure hunched over in the front row – the person closest to Yun Shan's coffin.
Lian Hua.
Remembering my promise to Yun Shan, I walked over. Hesitantly at first, but then I forced myself to approach. I had been avoiding all my classmates in school, and so I had yet to speak to Lian Hua. I preferred keeping my distance, but as if the heavens had dictated otherwise, I had received a package from Yun Shan's aunt when I first showed up at the funeral.
"You're Ming Cong, right? Xiao Shan wanted to entrust this to you."
The moment I saw the package, I instantly knew what it was. And what I had to do.
"Lian Hua."
She looked up when I called her name softly. Like me, her eyes were swollen, her thick lenses barely able to conceal the thick trails of tears across her cheeks. If this was any other event, I would have remarked that we resembled siblings, but this was neither the time nor the place.
"Ming Cong. I saw you earlier, but…I didn't want to disturb you."
She also wanted to be alone, but she tactfully didn't mention that. Now that I had shown up, though, it was almost as if a dam had been broken and a flood of tears had come loose.
"You know, I realized…" Lian Hua swallowed and stared at Yun Shan's smiling portrait. "I realized how much I love Shan Er. They said you never truly understand how much you treasure someone until you lose them…and now I get what they mean."
She lowered her head, unable to keep herself from breaking down. Watching her, I felt the tears well up inside my eyes despite my best efforts to repress them.
"I regret it. I really do. I should have told her that I love her too."
"Yun Shan knows," I assured her, my voice breaking. Taking a deep breath, I reached inside my formal jacket and retrieved the package. "She left this for you."
"This…"
Lian Hua accepted the case, her eyes wide. Opening the case, she took out the rolled-up canvas and unfurled it.
It was the painting of her and Yun Shan that day in the amusement park, one holding a balloon and the other a stick of candy floss.
"She asked me to hand it to you," I explained. Drawing a shuddering breath, I recalled her last words to me. "She wants you to continue drawing. She will always be your number one fan, whether it's now or forever. So please…don't give up."
Lian Hua didn't reply. She couldn't. Turning away, she hugged her painting to her chest and wept.
For a few seconds, I watched over her silently. Closing my eyes, I allowed the tears to fall freely. Inhaling deeply, I turned away and clenched my fists.
"Please leave everything to me, Yun Shan. Rest in peace, and I'll get it all done."
Steeling my resolve, I left the mourning hall, my eyes still red and my cheeks still damp. However, I knew this wasn't over yet.
Yun Shan had sacrificed her life so that others would live. I had to honor that noble sacrifice of hers by living her part for her too. As harsh and cruel it seemed, reality wasn't going to stop and patiently wait for me to grieve and come to terms with the tragedy. Life still had to go on. The world continued to spin. Duties remained. My mission awaited. My family needed me. My friends, including Shu Hong Qiu and Lian Hua, depended on me. Even Tong Xue relied on me. And I had more to learn from both dad and the kendo club.
I still had another year of high school left, after all. As I said, this was a school life story. Against death, this was the only possible victory. Everything else was history.
Stop being a wuss, Ming Cong. Quit your crying. I'm still counting on you to look after Lian Hua for me, you know?
I blinked and jolted, looking around. There was no one near me, yet I could have sworn that someone had just whispered into my ear…
Yun Shan?
Taking a deep breath, I composed myself. At that moment, I understood.
True friendship wasn't simply about the quantity of people you were friends with. True friendship wasn't just about spending time and hanging out with people you liked. Nor was it merely about the quality of the people you accompanied.
True friends were also those who left a lasting impact on our lives, even long after they were gone.
Even though Yun Shan was gone, the lessons that she had taught me remained. To honor her memory, I not only had to live on, but also keep in mind the advice she had provided. I had to remember how her influence changed me for the better.
These improvements, I hope, would prepare me for whatever conflict awaited me ahead.
Life was rife with strife. Perhaps, in the future, I might even find a wife. For now, though, I would be content to strive.