CHAPTER ELEVEN
Josie McMillan
JOSIE TAKEN HER FIRST AUDITION for a play and compared to the other girls, she had done very poorly, she stumbled on the performance which made everyone who attended the audition laugh, including Ivana, who had nominated her, it had been such a ridiculous and childish fall that it was impossible not to laugh, even the evaluator smiled shyly.
— I'm sorry...
But the evaluator looked like a few friends again and said:
— Next.
JOSIE FELT THE WORST OF ALL human beings. Her roommate Nadja Komanenkko was the best dancer in the company, she was light— footed for dancing, everything she did seemed like she took minimal effort, it was such a natural gift to dance, in fact, looking at her, Josie felt that her friend floated on stage, it was hypnotic watching her dance, almost a feeling of sexual energy flowing through them.
Nadja knelt down next to her and helped her to her feet.
— Next time you'll rock it, you'll see.
— It's easy for you.
She smiled kindly and escorted her to her dressing room and then they went to get something to eat.
— Can I tell you a secret? — Nadja started.
— Clear.
— I wasn't always good, you know, I was chubby when I was a kid, I tripped over everything, everyone made fun of me, my parents got tired of beating me up for breaking various things in our house while I was trying to make some move imitating the presentations I saw on television, until one day my mother saw me dancing while listening to some song on the radio, so for the first time in my life, even so young, she discovered that I was good at something, I was just a little clumsy, because when I dance to classical music I don't trip, I don't make mistakes, I simply dance to the balance of each chord.
Josie smiled at the beautiful friend in front of her.
— Kind of hard to believe that.
— But it's the purest truth.
She took a picture out of her bag and showed it to Josie.
— I still do n't believe it.
The two laughed.
— The funny thing is that I was already the opposite, when I was little I was always resourceful, I walked early and I never had the habit of falling or tripping on everything, now, I have become a total clumsy.
— Maybe that's why I put in ten times as much time as you.
— I wish it were that simple in my life.
— It's that simple, it depends on what you really want, it can't be moved by desire, it must simply be what you are, what I am is dancing, it's part of me, it's no effort to train eighteen hours a day, a lot for the On the contrary, I sleep and wake up thinking about it, I dream about it every day, I have sex as if it were a dance, I read poetry in the form of dances.
— I don't know if dancing is all that in my life.
— Do something in your life like what dancing is to me then.
— And what would that be?
— I don't know, I only know how to dance, there must be something that excites you more than dancing, there must be something that excites you.
She instantly remembered Mark and Anthony.
He found something in his smile.
— It would be someone else.
— Live it then, don't waste time here in this cold of hell, with infernal pains preventing you from sleeping and dreaming, even living.
— I learned to like pain.
— But don't learn to enjoy living without realizing your dreams, that would kill you, that would be a pain that won't go away the next day, much less heal with time.
Despite knowing how they were, she wanted to be with them, she was so happy with them that coming to the other side of the world and living a dream made her feel like a total idiot for doing what she did, she might as well have chosen somewhere cool, some college and still get in between. Somehow, she felt that her unhappiness and theirs was also entirely her own fault.
Although her mother also went to Moscow to accompany her, a serious accident in the first week left her isolated from the whole world, her uncle paid for the return trip of her mother's body, the embassy helped in the hope that they could one day use the image of a future dance star to their advantage, but all the plans they all laid out just fell apart.
Josie let it run day after day as if it were her last.
JOSIE WAS LAYING DOWN when Nadja walked in and asked:
— It's all right?
Josie looked at her friend, smiled and replied:
— Of course, lie here and we'll talk, it's very cold.
Nadja lay down and hugged her friend under the blanket.
— Sometimes I regret coming here, it seems like they are destroying my dream of being a ballerina.
— Have you ever thought that this might not be your true dream?
— I've been thinking lately, yes.
— Then do what you feel like doing, you don't have to worry about what they'll think, you're still young, you can make mistakes and failures without anyone judging you.
They were hugging and without one saying to the other they kissed.
— Sorry. — Josie said awkwardly — I...
Nadja pulled her again and kissed her harder and dug her nails into her back and began to caress her, making the game yield them several orgasms.