I love dancing.
It's been my passion since I was a little girl. I'm so lucky I have been in Brooklyn College's Synergy Dance Team for a year now while studying Health and Nutrition Sciences. I have been living with my two best friends in our shared dormitory that's a walking distance from campus and one subway ride from my boyfriend's apartment.
My mother is not far from here either. I used to stay with her until I went to college. I didn't need the dormitory. I told her I could make the commute to and from home, but she insisted I stay here so I could focus on my studies and my dancing since I also have special dancing classes on weekends.
One might think we must be rich if I'm able to go to college, live in a dorm, and also attend a dance program. We're not rich. Actually… My mom has many debts due to her health. But she always tells me that education is important. Saying that as long as I finish college, I can do whatever I want afterward. She supports my dancing because it has always been part of me for so many years. She doesn't want me to lose what makes me happy. I tried to reason with her, but she wouldn't let me, insisting I go to school or she'd stop speaking to me. My mother can be overly dramatic. And she is stubborn like that.
She used to have three jobs. Now, it's two since she can't be working as much as she once did. If it were up to me, I'd want her to stop working completely. I also have part-time jobs after classes and on the weekends–something that I had to beg her to allow me to do so I can help with the bills. She only relented when I told her I'm saving up for my dreams.
When she first got sick several months ago, she had to have surgery, and we didn't have the money to afford her treatment. She got a loan and we've been paying for it since. I pay for my dormitory and meals then the rest goes towards repaying a portion of my mom's loans, while she has had to stop working to recuperate.
I told her plenty of times that I don't mind taking a break from school. I'd find a job so I can help her pay the bills and all, but whenever I bring that up, she just gets angry at me, yelling, "It's a parent's job to worry. You make sure you get your education. Don't be like me, who hasn't finished high school. Reach your dreams no matter what it takes." She gets mad when I broach the subject again, saying I'm just giving her excuses because I'm too lazy to go to college. Seriously. Asian moms are wired differently. I didn't want to stress her out more, so I let it drop.
Now, I feel so guilty.
Sometimes, I lay awake at night while my best friends are already asleep. What if I just quit now? I'll work for a year or two until mom's debts get paid and then I'll come back to finish college and graduate.
🖤🖤🖤
Classes will start in a week. I'll be a sophomore this year. In three years, I will graduate, get a job, chase my dreams, and buy a home for my mother and me.
I'm at my dormitory now. My best friends and I came back yesterday so we can do a little cleaning and tidying up before the new semester starts on Monday. Our dorm is square-shaped with three loft beds and a private bathroom. Mine is to the left near the window, Heather's is on the right, and Lucy's is by the door.
Heather, my best friend since high school, comes out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, drying her hair that smells citrusy. We're polar opposites. While she's tall, blonde, and fair-skinned, I'm short…er, black-haired, and tanned. Okay fine, I'm short. But I prefer to be called fun-sized. That's why I always wear heels to boost my height a little. What? I have a bit of a height complex.
I inherited my genes from my mother who has Filipino blood. She's half Filipino and American. My father is Italian, but he's irrelevant and not in the picture.
"I thought Bryce was picking you up?" Heather asks.
I look down at my phone and check for my boyfriend's text for the nth time. He still hasn't responded since I asked him where he is an hour ago.
"I don't know. Should I call him? He's probably asleep."
"Asleep? It's freaking one in the afternoon."
"He was training late last night." Bryce was in the dance club like me, but he quit and wants to join the soccer team so he's been training hard for the tryouts next week.
Heather rolls her eyes. She turns to her closet and changes into some yoga pants and a tank top. I lay on my back in my loft bed so I'm facing the ceiling, contemplating whether I should call him or not. I don't want to be clingy. But I'm annoyed that he promised to take me out for lunch today, and then he's MIA.