I noticed that she had called me by my first name, something she had never done before, and I was unsure on wether to be happy or anxious about it. In that moment, I felt like a little boy about to be brutally scolded by his mother for something I was very guilty of.
She paused yet again, as if carefully selecting the words to really sock it to me and give me a piece of her mind.
Her silence was slowly sending me into a frenzy, my anxiety was at an all time high, worrying about how this conversation would impact the little office relation the two of us had established.
Suddenly, like the desperate man that I was, I began dreading losing that relation, whatever it was. Aya was practically the one person in this lonely life who had kept me from grabbing my two hundred dollar fountain pen and jabbing it into someone's eye.
I shook my head slightly at the disturbing thought, since when did I become an in the closet homicidal maniac?
My panic button had been pushed, and I knew I had to perform some major damage control before I lost the only source of calm in this mayhem of a life.
'Like I said yesterday,' I mumbled remorsefully, 'I'm so sorry about last night Aya, I really have no excuse for the way I behaved towards you, you have every right to be angry with me.' As I spoke I averted her gaze like the plague, dreading seeing the disgust and disappointment in her pretty eyes. 'Everything became so awkward so quickly, I really didn't mean to-'
'It's alright,' She interrupted, her quick and calm answer drawing my treacherous eyes to her beautiful face.
I was very relieved to see a small smile tugging the corners of her glossy lips. Thank goodness she had not come in here to tell me she never wanted to see my moderately attractive face ever again, or God forbid say she wanted to quit.
In as much as it was not the right time by any means, because of her calm response to my unruly behavior, I began wondering what it would be like to be involved with her. What it would be like to call her my girlfriend, and to get to see a side of her only the man who had dazzled her finger with that overly expensive ring got to see.
Ayaka Fischer sparked something in me, something I thought I had lost years ago, and it excited me, a little too much at that.
That something, as I would later discover, was the passion of newness.
I glanced at her finger, and a feeling that felt a lot like jealousy sipped into my system when my eyes caught sight of the ring on her finger. Had she gotten married? No, if she had I would have known, someone in the office would have said something, particularly Pam, the office gossip.
And for Pete's sake why the hell did the ring have to be so flashy?! What?! Was she marrying freaking Bill Gates?!
Aya noticed me looking at her ring and slowly covered it with her other hand and looked away. That gesture, even though small, tugged the corners of my lips into a sadistic smile.
'How about I make it up to you,' I quickly suggested, a new found sense of confidence surging through my shameless veins. 'Just to lighten the mood between us after that ordeal, how about I treat you to a friendly dinner this Friday. You like Indian food right?'
Her face lit up, and it widened my smile even more, I was pretty sure I looked like Joe Goldberg in that moment but I didn't care. There was something about this woman that drew me in, and after years of intimate famine, I couldn't give a rat's ass what it was, all I wanted was to feed off it to my heart's content.
'That sounds lovely,' she responded with a light blush. 'I can't believe you remembered that I like Indian food.'
I thanked the heavens I managed to recall that little detail about her, women usually loved that sort of thing, remembering the little things, and that right there would be my ticket to keeping her around just a little bit longer… and maybe even pound town, though that was a stretch, right?
'How could I forget when I practically almost died from heartburn the first time you offered to take me out for lunch,' I responded with a chuckle and a tactical glide towards where she was standing.
She giggled shyly before looking up at me. 'Ever considered the fact that maybe you're getting too old for spicy food boss?'
There it was, her humorous charm that reeled me in like a fish. 'I can do spicy when need be, don't underestimate me.'
'Oh really, well I'd like to see you try Mr. Miller… "
I had a sudden 'holy crap' moment when it hit me that we were actually flirting. Shamelessly flirting at the transparent door of my walk in office where someone could waltz in at any moment?!
The danger factor excited me a little, I had to fight the urge to cup her petit face in the palms of my hands and kiss those glossy lips of hers a second time.
'Sooo… pick you up Friday at 8?' I asked in a husky boyish tone I hadn't used since my early twenties. I was surprised at my boldness, risking going out on a date so late. What would I tell my wife? But then again, would she even care if I came home late or not?
'Friday at 8 is perfect,' she muttered right before biting down on her lower lip, something she quickly stopped but I hadn't failed to notice.
Her blush intensified significantly when she noticed how intensely my gaze was focused on her, particularly her chest area. She couldn't decide on wether it had been a good or bad idea to wear her V-neck blouse that day, either way she couldn't bring herself to covering up, not when my eyes were fixated on her like they were.
'I should get to work now,' she muttered as she shifted awkwardly underneath my gaze.
Slowly, I stepped back to give her the space she needed to open the door and step out, a smile plastering my face over the reaction I had drawn from her. I may have been a little older, but it was clear from her rosy cheeks and high pitched tone that I still had it.
'Umm later... '
I smiled at her girlish shyness and waved at her, 'later Aya... '
***
The rest of the day turned out to be much jollier than it initially threatened to be. Things between Aya and I were back to being the way they were before that awkward lodge encounter, maybe even a little better.
Once in a while throughout the day, I would catch her stealing bashful glances at me while I worked. It was so evident that she had a little crush on me and it made me feel giddy.
For the first time in a very long time, someone fancied me and was making it so painfully obvious. It was so adorable that for a brief moment, I had forgotten how completely immoral this entire situation really was.
Her being possibly engaged, me being married, it all went out the window whenever our eyes would meet across the office.
'Know any good places for a nice dinner?' I asked a colleague of mine during our lunch break.
Stan, one of the designers, looked up at me and swallowed the bite of the tuna sandwich he was having for lunch.
'Date night with the wife?' He asked and took another bite of his sandwich.
I froze for a brief second before uttering a very unconvincing 'yeah'.
'There's this new place up on boulevard,' Stan suggested. 'It's quite fancy and honestly a little pricy, but a big shot like you probably never has to worry about the bill.'
'How is the privacy?' I inquired further, instantly earning a skeptical look from designer Stan. 'My wife isn't big on bumping into coworkers when she's out. Loves to keep her private life and work life separate, you know how women are.'
Coworkers aside, I didn't want a situation like the one at the lodge to repeat itself.
'Women are an enigma,' Stan responded, falling for my surprisingly good attempt at lying. 'Don't worry about privacy, it's a pretty remote place with private booths and all of that fancy nonsense, no one will know you're there, you even get a private waiter.'
'They serve Indian food there right? She loves Indian food.'
'Best I've ever had, she's going to love it.' Stan got up and gave me an approving nod. 'The world needs more husbands like you boss.' He mumbled as he made his way back to his desk.
I smiled at Stan as he walked away before looking down at the flirty text I was composing to Aya, and sighed. 'No it does not Stan… no it does not.'