THE MORNING SUN HAD RICHENED Bakari's skin to a blessing. As Amara lay beside him, listening to the sound of his breathing, it occurred to her that they had fallen into the pattern of making up by making love.
When Bakari left, she swore never to let him back into her life again. It was too easy for him to walk away. He left her a note to tell her that he was leaving for Rwanda to climb the mountains and take pictures with gorillas for a few weeks. The weeks became months and she didn't hear from him again.
Bakari was a free spirit. The kind whose hair smelled like the wind and walked barefooted up mountains. The kind that didn't need to be controlled. Where everyone went left, he preferred right. He was never repentant about it. That was his allure.
Although they had an arrangement with no strings attached, his departure left an emptiness in Amara. It was a different kind of loneliness compared to what she felt after her breakup with Zach.
Bakari's eyes were open when she looked at his face. They looked a little bloodshot; his face had lost something of its ruddy freshness. "You're watching me."
"It fascinates me how you can sleep so peacefully."
"I've never had a problem sleeping peacefully around you, Amara. You're the calm to my storms."
Warmth settled at the pit of her stomach at his calming voice. She sat, flinging the covers from her body. He was like a cigarette, an addiction. No matter how many times she tried to wean herself of him, it seemed like an impossible task.
"Come back to bed," he pleaded. "Tell me what you've been up to while I'm inside you."
Glaring at him, Amara was tempted to move under him and feel the weight of his body. Some part of her was holding her back, knowing that as soon as he left she would regret letting him in.
"I can't. I have to go to the gym before I head to work."
"Take the day off."
"No." She shook her head. "I can't. They'll cut it out of my pay and I need the money."
"Why does it feel like you're angry at me about something?"
Bakari watched her with hopeful, piercing scrutiny that made her tingle, she felt so...seen. It angered her, even more, to think about how he left.
"You left me a note, Bakari. I mean... Did I not deserve a better explanation than a note? You couldn't have called me? You couldn't have given me some sort of chance to like... change your mind? Don't you think you owed me that? You thought that little of me that you couldn't have just called me."
"Why?" He sat. "We weren't in a relationship. We had a lot of sex, Amara, and that was it."
"Come on, we were more than that and you know it. We were there for each other when no one cared to. We talked. I deserved a call."
"I'm sorry. I didn't think you would care. I thought we were both very clear about what we needed from each other."
"We were." She bit into her lower lip and dragged, trying to focus on her feet instead of his face. "I realized something when you left. I'm not capable of detached relationships. I always feel like a freak for not being able to move on quick enough. Each relationship, when it ends, damages me. I never really recover. That's why I'm careful these days about getting involved because it hurts too much."
"You're not a freak. We just needed different things."
"Is that why you left? Because loving I couldn't give you what you needed?"
"No. I was bored, and I needed a change. It's not that couldn't give me what I needed, it's just that I wasn't searching for anything to begin with. I didn't realize that you were searching for something in me to begin with, Amara. That's my fault."
To Bakari, a routine was a maze. An unchanging path left him apathetic. He had no desire to be a kept man in a nice house with children. Amara wasn't sure if that was what she was searching for as well.
"Are you back for good?"
His eyes lingered on her face for a while and as if enchanted, Amara couldn't look away. The way they warmed with affection when he looked at her made her feel enough.
"No. Eric needed me to sign off on a new idea he has. I'm just here for a business meeting and then I'm off tonight."
"Where to?"
"There are a few luxury safari-lodges in South Africa and Seychelles that I want to acquire. I have back to back meetings with the owners over the next few months."
Getting up from the bed, Amara pulled back the curtains. The sky was now a mixture of yellow and orange as the sun peaked over the horizon. It had become pink like a sea of cotton candy.
Bakari followed her to the window and bundled her in his chest. With a childlike giddiness, Amara let him hold her. For a few seconds, she let her heart desire someone so unattainable.
"The luxury safari lodge I want to acquire in South Africa is beautiful. I have never seen a sunrise so majestic. It's adjacent to the world-famous Kruger National Park. While I was there, I'd have my breakfast, at a time like this, soaked in an outdoor bathtub and watch the sunrise between game drives. Can you imagine that?"
"It sounds wonderful."
"Come with me." He spun her around to face him. "There is so much out there for you to see, so much to explore."
Amara froze and it was one of those rare moments when she was caught totally and completely off the guard. She sought his eyes. Panic welled. "Come with you?"
Bakari caressed her shoulder. Sickness spread through her gut. "Yes. With that beautiful brain of yours, you could help me with the plans that I have."
"I can't just leave."
"Why?"
"Because I have a job here and Blu..."
"You hate your job and Blu is a grown, married woman. She'll understand and she can visit as much as she would like to." Bakari cupped her face. "What have you accomplished in your career by staying here? You could do so much more with me, own so much more."
"I don't care for materialism."
"Let's not go there with your anticapitalist bullshit, Amara. We've talked about your dreams multiple times but you're just too scared to chase after them. Why?"
"Because money is the root of all evil."
"Says who? There is nothing wrong with desiring wealth and luxury." His forehead puckered as he sat at the edge of the bed. "You talk about making a difference in the continent but that's all you do. Talk. Do you think change comes without sacrifice? You need to get to the top to pull up those beneath you."
"Three African billionaires today have more wealth than the poorest 50%. What have they done for the poor apart from taking and creating laws that make them richer? While the richest are becoming richer, extreme poverty is rising."
"I agree that the laws in place only favour a few super-rich but there are those who make a difference with their privilege."
Amara chewed on a cuticle. "What have you done?"
"Enough, but I could do more. 90% of the luxury lodges in the continent are owned by foreigners. Foreigners who employ our people in low-level jobs and theirs in high paying jobs. I want to be among the few locals who own some of these luxury resorts. We can employ families that initially had no way of getting out of poverty and change lives. We can fund local businesses. You can oversee the menus and serve your mother's amazing dishes, as you've always dreamt."
Opening a window, the breeze tousled Amara's hair into buoyant curls. It carried with it the fragrance of earth after the washing of the rain. The leaves lay sodden on the slippery ground. Sure, they were pretty for a few days, now they were a mess to be cleaned up.
"You're asking me to follow you, Bakari. But you're like a wild butterfly that cannot be tamed."
"I'm asking you to follow your dreams and believe in me. In life, the only thing constant is change. What do you get from working in Afrique other than misery and depression because you believe that your dreams are unachievable?"
Working in Afrique was a chore. The place was a micro-cogwheel designed to consume bodies, strip bones lean and turn the soul into scarecrows of bones and skin. But Bakari's offer felt like a mirage, dangling at the edge of a cliff. To leave or to hold?
"I bought an extra ticket, for you," he said with wide, hopeful eyes. "The flight leaves tonight at ten. I'll pass by on the way to the airport. I'll have the driver wait outside your steps. Change the world with me, Amara."