As I was lying next to Emma on my bed, I was looking directly at the ceiling where my fan was spinning in circles. I thought if I told Emma my secret, she would be devastated.
I don't want her to think less of me, even though I think she already is. I sighed, and I turned to my side, where my hands had tucked underneath my pillow and I sighed for the second time in a row. It is just Emma and I for now, and we don't have any children.
I don't think I want children at the moment. I sighed, and I closed my eyes. I had fallen into a deep sleep.
As I was hearing muffled screaming, and I saw a hand over a mouth, where they were shutting this person's mouth. The person was crying, and was trying to escape himself from the situation of being trapped where they couldn't escape. They were taking their hand and hitting the other person with their hands. The muffled screaming continued, and I eventually woke up and gasped.
After I had gasped, I was trying to catch my breath. My heart was racing, as it felt like it was going to explode. I had my hand over my chest as I was trying to take some deep breaths. I closed my eyes as I did so. Emma had woken up and she noticed I was awake.
She lifted her head up and asked me if I was okay. I just continued lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and I shook my head and told Emma I was fine. Emma sighed, as she laid her head back down onto the pillow. I looked at the clock and it was only two thirty in the morning.
I was speaking to my mother over the phone as I was driving to work. I was telling my mother about how Emma and I were having a little bit of a rough time. My mother, whose name is Callie Barber, married my father James Barber, who has been married to since she was eighteen years old.
My mom was telling me that I should stop being so hard on myself, about how I was feeling about myself when I told my mother that I felt like a burden to my wife, and that I don't think Emma doesn't deserve to know how I feel.
"Oh sweetie, stop being so negative on yourself, you know how it feels like when you're feeling bad about yourself, it's just part of marriage, the feeling will pass eventually," Mom says.
"It's not my marriage, mom, I have been feeling like this for quite some time, and I just don't…. I don't want to feel this way anymore, I am trying to not feel this way, and I don't seem to know why I am feeling this way, ya know?" I said, sort of in a soft voice.
"Yeah, well, I hope whatever is bothering you, it passes through," Mom says to me.
"Yeah, me too," I answered back, softly.
I eventually got another phone call, and I looked at the front screen and it was Emma calling me. I sighed, and I told mum that I was getting a phone call from Emma. I had to let her go. After Emma has waited for me to answer the phone, my mother tells me she loves me and to have a great day at work.
"I love you, mom."
"I love you too, and hey, don't give anyone a hard time, okay?"
I scoffed a little, "Yeah, okay, I'll try not to," I answered back.
"Yeah?"
"Yes," I got another phone call from Emma, and I told my mom I needed to answer Emma's phone call immediately, I guess she was only calling to yell at me more, causing more stress on me.
"Okay, honey, I love you," Mom said once again.
"I love you, to, bye for now," I answered back.
"Bye."
After I had hung up on my mother, I answered Emma's phone call. Emma had sort of angrily asked me why I didn't answer her the first time she called me today, and I told her I was speaking to my mother. Emma sighed, and she was still in bed, underneath the covers. I asked her if she was on her way to work.
Emma told me she couldn't go to work, she had to call her boss and tell her she told her she was feeling bad because of, (how Emma lied to her boss), saying that she's feeling sick, but she really actually doesn't want to go to work because of our failing marriage.
"Emma, they'll fire you," I said to Emma.
"I can miss one day of work, it's not going to kill my boss," Emma says back to me, in a bit of an angry tone of frustration.
"Okay, whatever you say," I said, sighing.
"Oh, I forgot to mention you have begun talking to me again, and this is what I get for not being able to get you to speak to me, you speak to me in a very aggressive manner," Emma said, before scoffing.
I scoffed back at Emma, and I explained to her how I was being disrespectful to her? I've always been a good husband, and I only stopped talking for a few months, because I am going through some deep feelings.
I don't know why Emma was being so mean to me. What have I done to make my wife feel unhappy about me? I wanted to ask Emma why was she being aggressive and I am sure Emma wouldn't want to tell me.
"Look, I think you should just get out of the house and do something about your own anger with me, because I am getting unbelievably sick and tired of you being aggressive with me," I said to Emma.
"Oh, if that's how you feel about me, then fine, I'll speak to a divorce attorney starting tomorrow, since you think, "I am aggressive with you," Emma says to me, in anger over the phone.
I sighed, "Whatever," I said to Emma, and I hung up on her.
Emma scoffed, and threw her cell phone onto the bed, as she was still upset that I haven't spoken to her in awhile, and she tells me that I am the one being disrespectful to her, when I have done nothing wrong.
I sighed, stroking my hair with my left hand and fingers, and I was like oh my goodness, who did I even marry? I don't recognize Emma anymore, she has changed a lot. I miss my happy, very sweet and loving wife.