"Kai?" I asked. I almost smiled looking at him. He looked afraid and concerned at the same time. Soon, the concern in his eyes was replaced by the icy coldness that I had witnessed over the days. Adrien's eyes.
"He can't come out again" Adrien smirked, pressing me against the wall. "Why did you leave the apartment?"
His voice sounded deceptively calm yet I knew his actions wouldn't be as calm. His fingers gripped my chin, forcing me to look at his eyes. Wild unfocused eyes. He almost looked drugged. The sudden shift from Kai to Adrien had me stunned.
"I only went to get some food and groceries" I whispered shakily, trying to push him off me but he wouldn't have that.
"You're my toy. You can't leave this place until I say so. I will make you starve if I want to. You made your choice and now you stick with it" his voice was condescending.
It was weird how Kai's presence made me feel at ease while Adrien scared the living daylights out of me. They shared the same body, how did it make a difference? Personality. That was what made me distinguish between Kai and Adrien.
"Kai won't exist when you come back, toy. You made your choice, you will be mine until I deem otherwise" he crowded me once more, his hands beside my head. I struggled weakly, the thought of not seeing Kai gutted me. It felt like a strange nightmare. My life had only been that for the past week, anyway.
I couldn't imagine not seeing Kai's caring presence or his shy smile when he had made me remotely happy even under the gloomy circumstances.
"You can't escape, airhead," I ceased fighting, flinching when his finger trailed down my cheek, his nail digging into my skin. I stopped breathing altogether, apprehensive of the pain. I sighed in relief when he moved his hand away. The reprieve didn't last long.
He roughly grabbed my biceps, making me cry out. His eyes glinted as if he enjoyed my pain.
"You're a stupid airhead. You could have saved yourself but you let yourself be naive. Dumb" he spat out his insults, his mouth closer to my neck.
I breathed heavily, partly due to fear and partly due to our sudden proximity. His words washed over me...maybe he was right. I could have just left. I made my choice partly because I didn't want another person suffering my fate.. but I also had a selfish reason. Kai.
"Remember you're just a toy. You're nothing. When my quest for revenge is over, I might as well dispose of you" I bit my lips to stop myself from crying.
His words hurt. Was it just another sick mind game? Just like the ones I experienced in my previous life? Was Kai just a weapon to disarm me? To guilt-trip me into staying? Did Kai just didn't...exist? My head was spinning and I could barely hold on to one particular thing. It was a storm inside my head, a whirlwind of thoughts.
"I can't physically hurt you or they will know, but don't you dare forget you're just a toy. A stupid useless toy" he distanced away from me, grinning sardonically, before walking away blending in the darkness.
I slumped against the wall, my brain trying to process what had just happened. I rubbed my temple in a circular motion and tried to think. The bags in my hands were almost forgotten until I realized I had already dropped one of them. I stared at the floor. Some of the contents had fallen out and laid precariously in the dirty alley.
I picked it up in a haze and walked toward the apartment. Somehow, Adrien's action just felt like the old vicious cycle I had when I was growing up with my parents.
It has been months since I thought about my parents after they disowned me. I was glad I didn't have to deal with their manipulation. It had felt like life started anew. But now it felt like it was all an illusion. A bait to trap me in another situation.
I closed the door behind me, arranged the groceries, and changed into a long sweatshirt. I did it all methodically while my brain was still reeling, trying to heal parts that'd never been healed.
I barely tasted the food. I had done this a million other times too. When I let my parents rip me apart for something I had done while I sat still, eating, and pretended not to care. But I did. I wanted their approval but all I got was their constant criticism.
I hadn't tasted the gourmet meals they provided me. It all tasted the same. Stale. A small sigh left my lips while I tried to concentrate on work.
I replied to all the emails that were storming my new email id. There were a lot of people interested in the fundraising event. I might have to book a bigger venue after talking to Jin. I was searching for other venues and jotted down a few before calling it a day.
I opened up the messenger app. The other members talked about the party while I occasionally offered my input. They all seemed excited and I tried to sound happy for their sake. My heart skipped a beat when I got a private message from...Jin. He was equal parts charming and mysterious.
And his name evoked something that I thought I had buried years ago.
Jin: You okay? They can be a little overeager.
Alayna: Yeah, I am fine.
Jin: Good. I am glad you're taking on the responsibility so well. I hope to meet you in person soon.
Alayna: I'm trying my best. I'd love to meet you all too.
I smiled for the first time in days. Jin seemed to take on the responsibility for the whole organization and even his smallest interaction with the other members was endearing.
What would it feel like to be cared for by someone like him? What would it feel like a part of this family? Even with all their differences, they cared for each other in their own ways. They bantered and shared their life with each other.
Jin: Azi would send you the other requirements for the party. You can talk to me if anything bothers you.
Alayna: Of course. Thank you, Jin.
For the first time since coming here, I felt guilty. Though skeptical, all the members seemed to trust me for some odd reason. A part of me worried that I might not stay in their life for long. Would I be able to betray people who were trying to bring some good into this world?
I...can't.
I walked towards the bathroom and shut the door behind me lest someone was watching me. I hadn't missed the camera in the apartment. I suspected there were other hidden ones. I already scouted the entire apartment.
Adrien's words washed over me, almost tauntingly. His words blurred with my parent's and the stress of the last few months started catching up to me.
I turned on the shower as my knees gave out and I fell down to the floor, the water pouring down on me. A small whimper left my mouth except it wasn't really small. It felt as though the sound was ripped from my soul.
I let the water wash away my tears. I had done this for so many years that it almost felt natural. I hugged myself protectively, while I let myself be vulnerable just for a moment.
The water was soaking in through the sweatshirt and my hair stuck to my forehead. If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine that I was getting wet in the rain. The words seemed to repeat as if they were on a never-ending loop.
"Alayna you either follow what we say or you get out right now"
"You're useless. You could have married him and stopped your family from getting bankrupt"
"Why did you have to be so selfish?"
"You stupid airhead, you're just a toy. You're nothing"
Too many voices and the water was the only thing that was drowning all the voices inside my head.