Have you ever sat and wondered what life would be like without any problems?.
How often do you find yourself wishing to let loose for a while and have fun and just be foolish?
Maybe you do, but not me. When you have a big baggage of secret like mine, you are always on guard.
In as much as you do not want any of your dirty linen outside.
I sighed and looked to the face in front of me. "Ooh! You startled me" I was so lost in thought I didn't realise Nathan was standing directly in my face!
"A penny for your thought Riley?" He asked holding up 5 cents.
I snatched it from his hands and stuck it in my pants "thanks for the money, but no. It doesn't buy my thoughts".
"Oh come on..." He whined following me as I got up working towards the book racks, thinking of my next book to read.
"You were so lost in your thoughts, I really want to know what you were thinking" He was seriously acting like a child right now.
"They are my thoughts and I don't want to share them" I replied mindlessly as I looked through all of the science fiction books.
"You've really changed Ry. Like a lot" what I heard from him made me stop in my tracks and I turned my back to face him.
"How do you mean, Nate?" I asked suddenly conscious of my actions.
I should have been more cautious around him, I mean this is someone who spends everyday with Ry.
He moved closer to me and locked his gaze with mine, he tucked a stray hair behind me ear before he spoke.
"We used to be so close, and so similar, you told everything to me you know?, we had a chemistry".
Wait what?!
My forehead creased as I watched his movements, his eyes glistened definitely from the emotions. I didn't like him that way. Never! He's such a nerd!
Maybe Ry did. But not me and never me!.
I moved slightly backwards and faced down "I'm sorry. I don't remember any of those" I stated bluntly. I grabbed any book my hand came across quickly and walked away slumping by my desk.
That was really awkward. I was thinking I did something that might have might have exposed me, but it was just a lame confession.
I glanced at the book I grabbed and noticed it was a mystery/thriller and sci-fi, looks interesting.
"Watchers" by Dean Koontz. I might probably read this. I thought as I drummed my fingers on the table.
Few minutes later, Nate returned to his desk too but instead of talking to me, he faced the other side and started on reading a book.
I did same too
"I mean....you don't even like sci-fi" Nathan interrupted my reading suddenly, the book was good and I was having a good read, but he just blurted that out suddenly.
I marked the place I reached an dropped the book on the table, looking him dead in the eye
"I do not remember a thing about who I used to be asides my name, okay? Not what I liked, who I was, who were my friends, my favourite foods, my hobbies or even my own parents or my twin sister, whom I told everyone who was my bestfriend" I paused to catch my breath and right now I was beginning to breathe heavily and Nathan just stared at me in utter shock.
"Now the next time i do something that doesn't seem like what I normally did, I beseech you to give me some breathing space and let me do what my heart leads me to, okay?" Now I was done and he still wasn't talking.
It was like he was a statue, with his mouth in an o shape and his eyes widened. I swallowed and picked the book to continue reading.
"Hey, I'm sorry" He finally got up from his seat and stopped gawking at me weirdly, like I had grown two heads.
Our gazes locked as he sat on my desk holding my shoulders and I relaxed, took a deep breath and calmed myself.
"I'm sorry Ry, I've never seen you that upset. I'm really sorry for my actions. I know, I pushed you to your outburst!" He raised his hands in mock surrender as he chuckled.
And I did too breaking all of the tension that built up.
"God, you're so cute!" He said pulling my nose lightly.
"I kinda like this after effect of accident Riley" his eyes glistened and I smiled at his words, they held two meanings for me.
The door opening, caught our attention and we both directed our gaze to the entrance as the customer stepped in.
It was my favourite brown-haired boy.
With his hands in his pockets, as always! I roller my eyes.
"Hi Ry" He brought out his right hand and waved at me, he gave a slight nod to Nate as well and he returned it.
I raised my hand and signalled him to come closer which he did, smiling and grinning as he took each step closer to my desk.
"I thought you might need a company home".
Shoot! U got my phone from my pocket and checked the time, it was two minutes to the time my working hours will end.
I grabbed the book I was reading and kept it in my bag, I placed its skins on my shoulders and adjusted it accordingly before smiling at Nathan. "Bye Nate" I waved goodbye and he did too before Nick and I left the store.
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"So, how was your day at work today?" Nick asked as soon as we got out of the store. I fixed my bag and responded "it was nice, I guess....just normal as always".
He cleated his throat and a smirk creeper up his lips. "Of course". He winked!
"Excuse me, your gesture is weird!". I pushed his shoulders lightly.
"Come on, don't act like you don't know why..." He continued.
"What are you getting at Nick?" I was already getting tired of his weird gestures.
"Your crush, Nathan and you....in that position I met you..."
Wait. What?! Ew!
"Haha" I gave an awkward laughter and looked around.
"It's nothing of that sort you see, we were just discussing, as friends would". I interjected.
"Come on, you and I know" He hit my shoulder lightly with his as he winked! "Obviously.....you do not remember, but I enjoyed teasing you so much about him that you'll always blush!".
He gave a breathy smile. "Oh! How fast do people change?, yours is understandable though"....
"Let's change the topic please, it makes me uncomfortable, whenever i hear about who I used to be and what I used to do or....whatever..."
"Oh, I'm sorry about that"
I nodded, acknowledging his unnecessary apology "its okay".
The remaining walk home was spent in silence, not the awkward one....the comfortable one. Just two people walking and busy in their own thoughts.
"Thanks Nick,". We've now arrived our front porch and it was time to part ways.
He gave his signature smile "it's fine Ry, my pleasure". He faked a bow and turned to the intersection that led to his way.
I stood at the front porch and watched him leave until he took a turn and I couldn't see him anymore.
I smiled to myself and opened the door to my home "I'm home!" I called as I got in but this wasn't my home or it just didn't look like my home.
On the floor we're scattered properties of mine, of Miley.
My shoes, my make up, my secret stash of cigarettes, my clothes and some of my other stuff too.
"Mum? Dad?" What was going on?
The door to my room opened and Dad came out with mum skipping towards him in a rush.
Dad was holding my favourite thing in the world, the vase, it was the only thing I used to care about.
He raised it up and to the ground he threw it, it landed and crushed and smashed into a thousand pieces.
"No" I let a tiny sob leave my mouth and I bent down to pick whatever pieces my hands laid on.
I must not show any form of weakness right now, maybe a little emotion but no tears....as Riley, this vase is of no sentimental value.
Mum stood there looking at me pitifully and my dad, he pointed a finger at me and opened his mouth like he wanted to speak, but he instead shook his head and left.
"Honey....do you remember this?" Mum asked as she bent down beside me picking the pieces, immediately I regained my senses.
"They are Miley's right?, I saw it in her room and she tagged it my world". I responded masking my breaking voice to sound innocent.
"Yes honey, Miley loved this so much, it's her favourite thing in the world". She responded and wiped a tear that rolled down her cheeks, why was she crying though?.
We picked all of the pieces on the floor so it wouldn't hurt anyone. I was so close, so close to exposing myself just now.
I hurriedly disposed the broken pieces, and cleared up the mess before retiring to my room.
My phone buzzed immediately after I slumped on my bed, I brought it out from my bag and I saw it was a text from Nick that read;
-"Dinner tomorrow night?"
Sighing, I placed my phone on the dresser and prepared to crash early, that's a decision I want to sleep on before making.