Once we arrived I walked back to my room, I took the stairs though I didn't take the elevator not wanting to see J.A.R.V.I.S. just yet. As soon as I got to my room I took out the huge teddy bear and brought it to my bed. I also took out all the Harry Potter things and I put the fourth movie in and put the books on shelves. I got into some yoga pants and one of Matthews Tee shirts he gave me a while ago. I also emailed Fury about Matthew's possessions and where they would be going. I honestly wanted some of his things but I didn't want to take from his potential family that loves and misses him as much or more than I do.
I didn't know what to do anymore. Every time I was happy it never lasted since I was born. I decided to go to the training room to punch something. I got my music and changed into workout gear and headed down. I avoided running into anyone and once I arrived I turned on my music and let you down by NF came on. I knew the song by heart.
Feels like we're on the edge right now
I wish that I could say I'm proud
I'm sorry that I let you down
I let you down
I wrapped my hands and started punching the bag. Taking all my pent up emotions out on the bag. I started thinking again how unfair my life has been.
When I was born my parents didn't want me then I got to go to my new family of kids who were the same as me. Then they die or are gone somewhere I get a routine and a decent life in my alleyway. Then S.H.E.I.L.D comes and takes me from it, I get trained and shown kindness for a bit. Then I get put on my old team and they treat me like I am the scum of the earth and they never cared if I died or lived.
I then get to leave them to get to go to the Avengers thinking that it might be better. Nope. They are the same but say more to me and I wish they didn't cause %90 of the time it's mean or snarky. I then get Matthew in my life. I start to cry. He cared he was my first true dad in my life and I made new friends. Then Matthew is taken from me. I still have my friends thankfully they are enough to help me get through this. I kept letting my mind wander to the music.
Yeah, I guess I'm a disappointment
Doing everything I can
I don't wanna make you disappointed
It's annoying
I just wanna make you feel like everything I ever did
Was never tryna make an issue for you
But I guess the more you thought about everything
You were never even wrong in the first place, right?
The bag flew off the hinge, I was patting tears running down my face. When I wipe one off two follow right behind. I collapse to the ground on my knees. Power starts coming from my hands and starts following to every corner of the room until the entire room is covered by my powers like a mist. It starts to get thicker and soon I can't see anything but the blue haze of my powers.
I am not in control anymore, it's my powers doing everything. A pop sounded and all of a sudden I'm not in the training room anymore I am on my knees in grass. It was as soft as silk but still had the texture of grass, it's a beautiful sage green not too dark but also not too light.
I look up to see a willow tree standing by itself on a hill with the sun setting in front of it, creating the feeling that it would be in a painting not in real life. The sunset looks like it could be the rainbow in landscape.
A navy blue blending into the dark red, then a beautiful orange not neon but also not too dark blended into the yellow cast from the sun then into a beautiful blue lighter than the sky but not sky blue blended into a dark purple. The moon, a full moon that was coming up from behind me, the stars following. It was like the day and night were fighting for dominance.
I started walking to the hill, and flowers started appearing. Beautiful lilies and roses of all colors. I felt like I was in a painting. The heaviness of my heart vanished. I felt like I was walking on air. I arrived at the willow and sat down at the trunk admiring the sunset as it came to its end. Little candles were floating around lit. It looked like I was in a movie.
I hear a rustling in the tree above me, I look up to see a kid form the orphanage. She was my age and she was sitting in Matthews lap. Her name was Lillian. They didn't look like they were even in the tree; it was like I was watching through a portal that I wanted to go through with every fiber of my being.
I stood up and jumped to the scene I was watching, as I fell through the other side my world rotated and I landed with an ouff on my stomach. I looked up to see all the Avengers hanging out with a little girl no more than 5. They looked like a true family. I looked at this scene confused knowing that wasn't me so who could it be. I looked around the room and noticed the hallway to get to the elevator. So I decided to go to my room to see where I was. I got there and saw nothing there but one photo of me in a canvas form like the ones you see at a funeral. I ran my fingers along the golden frame feeling all the indents and curving of it all confused. I haven't died so why was this here? I got pulled back to the living room where everyone was with the mystery child.
I saw them laughing at the faces the little girl was making and listening to every aspect of the story though most of it you couldnt understand due to her mumbling and speed talking but they looked like they were hanging on to every word she said. They acted like she was this thing to be worshiped and they were doing so.
I looked around the room to see so many photos of all of them with this girl. I saw a photo of her at her 4th birthday and I read the lettering of the cake to see that this girl is Margan Stark. Tony's kid. I looked back to see everyone so happy. I didn't understand. I thought they hated kids. They certainly hated me.
I heard the elevator ding and out stepped Matthew with Lillian in his arms like she was his daughter. He looked so happy and carefree. He looked different then how he used to look when he was with me. I felt tears start rolling down my cheeks seeing how happy everyone was when I wasn't there.
"Who is Aria?" Morgan asked suddenly.
"She was no one honey, why do you ask?" Tony said.
That stung they didn't seem to care that I supposedly died.
"I saw a photo of her in one of the old rooms," Morgan said,"There was some pretty cool stuff in there." She said,
"Like what?" Tony asked.
"Like that little white box that had earphones plugged into it and her clothes were so cool too." Morgan said smiling.
"Would you like the white box?" Tony asked.
Morgan nodded so hard I thought her head would pop off.
"Okay, let's go get it." Tony said, picking her up.
Everyone just continued doing what they were doing, chatting away. I suddenly got pulled back to the training room, everything spinning away from me. Once I was back everything came crashing back. The emotions that got left behind, the new feelings seeing all that, the heaviness returning and the new thoughts.
What if they truly didnt care if I died?
Would they move on so fast and forget about me if I was gone?
I felt heavy in the mind, heart and soul not wanting to do anything. I just wanted to sit in a corner and die to get out of the misery and it's not like anyone would really care. Issac would move on and Kateylnn barely knows me.
I sighed, got up and headed back to my room, showered and went to bed. I didn't have the energy to do anything else. Thoughts running wild through my head, a few I could actually hear.
Was I really that unimportant in this world? What if I changed would they care then? Am I really that unlovable? Why am I here in this cruel world if no one cares? Why?.....Just why?