Exiting the building that the Queen and Goddess had led me to, I ground my teeth a bit as I stalked back towards the stage, my emotions currently going round and round inside my head as I tried to comprehend how I should feel.
On one hand, my System was ensuring that the feeling of the Queen's thick sperm swimming around in my womb felt addictive - and as such, the memory of being pounded by her fat cock from behind as she tried to get me pregnant continued to resurface - but I also felt slightly disgusted by the gooey semen that was slowly being absorbed by my womb.
On top of that, I was still reeling from the revelation that the Goddess wasn't as... 'godly' as I was expecting, that she was just as flawed and 'human' as the rest of us were, which only made me feel odd.
Were they undeserving of the worship they received then, if they were just glorified people who had basically endless lifespans so long as they weren't killed by another Goddess?
What did that mean about Reincantra and Demetra?
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I shook my head and thought about it for another moment - if they were just like people, than there were 'good' Goddesses, 'bad' Goddesses, and indifferent Goddesses as well, and they all deserved to be heard and understood.
And on that same vein, could I really say I didn't understand Dryatra?
She made it clear that to her, what mattered the most was her loved ones and them alone - they were her focus, and through them she kept this area safe because she wanted them safe.
Was that not how I felt about my own family?
I prioritized them above everyone else, and if I had to chose between keeping Rhefia safe and by my side or helping someone I wasn't really close to at all just because it was the 'right thing to do' - and in doing so, put Rhefia in harm and push her away - would I really do 'the right thing'?
I... I can't say I would, but I would like to think that after that initial choice was made, I would try to help that person if I could... but is that not exactly what I was angry at Dryatra for?
She made her choice, and she continued to make her choice to help her daughter and keep her daughter close to her... can I blame her for that?
I want to, but to say I don't understand it, to say that I would do differently in her place... would I not just be lying to myself at that point?
Being disingenuous to myself on a fundamental level?
That only angered me more, and as I made my way through the crowd and back onto the stage, I found the Duchess nodding as she chatted with the other Duchess and Shelur, the three women talking quietly off to the side as they watched the people continue to dance around, though there were far less in the square now then there were earlier.
Making my way over to them, I gave Duchess Leonisa a swift curtsy before asking "Duchess Poinset, may we..?"
Gesturing towards the stairs of the stage, I observed her face as she smiled gently at me before turning back to Duchess Leonisa, saying "It's been a pleasure as always. See you tomorrow, Duchess Leonisa."
"Aye. Take care, Duchess Poinset. Miss Astra. Shelur."
Giving us nods, the Lioness turned and walked away, allowing me to gently take the Duchess' hand as I led her down the stairs and off the stage, with Shelur following behind us quietly as we walked onto one of the streets.
"So? How was it? Your audience with the Queen and the Goddess?"
Smiling warmly at me, the Duchess tilted her head as she waited for an answer, though that smile faded somewhat as I asked "Did... Did you know they were going to ask me to have sex with them?"
My voice cracked a tad, something that made the Duchess blink before she gave my hand a squeeze, stepping closer to me as she whispered "I had a feeling, yes, but they gave you the option, yes? Asked if you wanted to... allowed you to say no?"
"They did, but..."
Biting my lip, I glanced at her before guiding her into a cafe, the two of us pausing the conversation for now as we got a private room so we could talk openly.
"But? What happened, Astra? What's wrong?"
Sitting across from me, the Duchess held both of my hands and stroked the back of them with her thumbs, staring at me worriedly as tried to reassure me, despite not knowing what was wrong.
"You... were alright with that..? Our date... me having sex with someone else..?"
The Duchess pursed her lips before sighing, giving my hands another squeeze as she gathered her thoughts, eventually saying "Yes, I was alright with that idea. If you wanted to be with just me tonight, that would be amazing. If you wanted to enjoy your audience with the Queen and Goddess, that would also be amazing."
"She... also told me... about..."
I bit my lip again as I stared at the Duchess, who sighed again before smiling at me, this time tiredly and sadly as she nodded and spoke in a soft voice, not looking away as she said "About how the Queen and I were once intimate? I cannot say I am surprised, but I would have liked to eventually reveal that to you myself. I assume... they also told you why we are no longer close?"
When I nodded, the Duchess just chuckled softly as she continued on, saying "For a long, long time, I was going to be the Queen's mortal wife; I was to rule alongside her, to be her advisor and lover in equal measure. And... I won't lie to you; I did love her. Dearly. She was gorgeous, courageous, confident and assured... Whenever we made love, she always made me feel so... safe. Desired. Loved. Emotionally, my cooler head and her more reserved nature worked well together, while physically, she was everything I could have ever wanted and then some. It seemed to be a perfect match, but after a year of trying..."
She finally looked away, and I could see such deep pain in her blue eyes as she whispered "I found out that I am completely infertile. Even the Goddesses minor power of fertility couldn't do much about it. None of us knew anything about it, but my womb is just... barren. Unable to nurture life. The Queen made it clear that I could remain with her, that she didn't mind that, but when the Goddess got pregnant again, it made it clear to me that the Queen wasn't being completely honest. We both wanted children, desperately so. She wanted a large family, and I did too. There were attempts to make it possible for me to bear her children, but none worked. So... I stepped back. The longer I remained with the Queen, the more I felt my heart crack as I watched her shower the Goddess in love and excitement."
When she looked back at me, the Duchess' usual confident aura and calm, elegant demeanor was gone, and instead her eyes watered as she whispered "I kept it a secret, asked them to as well, so few people know what happened... that I'm unable to be with a child. Even... Even Annie doesn't know."