With the three children fast asleep on my body, I sighed softly and stroked their heads, a smile tugging at my lips as I noted how they all nuzzled closer to me at my touch, with Aka burying herself even deeper into my cleavage as she took up the warmest portion of my body; Ehretia was content to cuddle against my side, while Ipoala's head was laying on my shoulder, the Pink Robinkin nestled in the crook fo my arm.
Each of them were completely out of it, their young bodies demanding this rest so that they could go back to playing and enjoying the wonders of being a child tomorrow, pushing themselves to have as much fun as they could whilst also continuing to grow taller and larger with each passing hour.
Looking at them and thinking of their growth, I felt the pangs of guilt as I stared down at Ehretia and Aka, wondering if I had done something... 'wrong' as a Mother by deciding their 'skillsets' before they were born, using my System to give them innate talents and preferences that would undoubtedly shape who they became in the future.
Was I in the right for doing that?
For deciding that Aka would be skilled with a blade and adept at the art of killing, while Ehretia would blossom into an elegant flower that enjoyed the various arts?
What if Aka wanted to dance and not fight, while Ehretia wanted to hunt instead of sing?
This System of mine didn't make me a Goddess; I had powers, and there was a certain amount of responsibility that came with it.
Responsibility to ensure that I used it properly for myself and my family, and a responsibility that I didn't try to think of myself as better than the rest of the world just because I had this System; life was precious and unique, and I had seen first hand already that a System didn't guarantee my safety.
Yiksa was the realistic example of how unprepared I was, but the Duchess... she was the real eyeopener for me, her boundless mana and raw strength with that mana making me sweat even now, wondering what I could possibly do to someone that powerful in my current state.
Could I protect not only myself, but my family as well?
Is that not why I decided that Aka - as well as Camara and Aethisia before her - should have skills meant to defend themselves from harm?
Because I knew that there was a chance that I wouldn't be there to protect them all the time?
Did that make me a bad Mother for using the skills at my disposal to ensure that they had the ability to at least defend themselves in the future, even if the tradeoff was that I was predetermining what they would potentially grow into before they even had the chance to think about it for themselves?
Could the argument not be made that Camara was the perfect example of that?
That my eldest daughter was more inclined for the elegance of the arts than the gruesomeness of the battlefield?
For the gentleness of Motherhood instead of the coldness of a killer?
Looking down at Ipoala - the only one in the family young enough to still be untouched by my System - I wondered if I should indeed wait to bless her with skills, or if I should do so now, so that she would have the talents at her disposal and be able to grow with them, instead of suddenly finding herself with an eruption of potential.
It was an internal struggle that I was faced with, two separate beliefs that battled inside my mind as I lay in the dark room, staring at the frail body of a girl that wasn't truly my daughter - not by blood.
However, I considered her my baby all the same, just as I would consider Heila's child as a daughter, even if I had no true relation to the child in her womb.
As such, I wanted her to have the best life she could have, to do what she wants and live her life how she wants to live it, but at the same time...
If she grows up and doesn't have the same potential as her sisters, and doesn't feel like she has the ability to do what she wants because of her 'power', then doesn't that mean I failed her?
Or if she - Goddess' forbid - found herself in a tight spot before I gave her any sort of aid from my System, could I live with myself knowing that I had the ability to help her be safer in this strong rules the weak type of world but didn't use it?
On the other hand, could I stand the idea of forcing her into a certain path in life without letting her decide on her own..?
To let Ipoala - and any of my future children - decide what they want to do with themselves, to discover a passion and want to become better in it and support them then?
It was a dilemma that threatened to consume me in this pitch black room, but a single thought pushed that pervading feeling away and instead made me shake my head as I internally cursed myself.
There was always a happy medium, and there were certain skills that I was going to end up giving all of my children anyways - as well as those that were close enough to me to either feel like my children or ended up as my lovers.
[Mana Sense] was the surefire answer from the Survival System; granting vision to the Weave and allowing my children - or those I considered close who weren't actually my biological children - to harness such a potent power source was very, very obvious.
[Closed Womb] was another, since it was obvious that anyone could enjoy the pleasures of sex through the vagina, even if they were a futanari; some were like Rhefia, who never once asked or desired vaginal pleasure, while others were like Sari, wanting to be on the receiving end sometimes.
Giving that skill would just insure that unless they wanted to, my children couldn't get pregnant without the consideration and acceptance to do so; of course, it wasn't infallible, and there was likely ways to 'force' the womb to host life, but this was still a 'security' measure that I wanted to take.
Finally, the other clear answer was [Pleasurable Body], which was something that made me curious; it worked, certainly, since I could confidently say that Aethisia's cock was far superior to the Guard's that I had mated with earlier today, even if they were the same size.
She just felt better, and when I compared the pussies of Prixisia and Kalia, they were also noticeably different in the way they made me cum, with Kalia draining so much more from me per ejaculation and far quicker than Prixisia ever did, even if the Lamia was so damn excellent at sex.
Since I had no other skills that I was determined to give from the Breeding System to women who might never desire children of their own or even be 'women', I was reluctant to give [Pain Blockers] to them since it also seemed to lead to a higher desire for pain during sex...
Or maybe Camara and Kalia were just imitating me and molding themselves into masochists because it's what they've seen give their Dama's the most pleasure..?
I don't know, but there might be a correlation between the skill and masochism, so...
Anyways, I sighed as I accepted the prompt in the System, gifting Ipoala [Mana Sense], [Closed Womb], and [Pleasurable Body] as I leaned down and kissed her head, before smiling wryly as I realized that I had agonized over this for what felt like little reason...
And I noted the large amount of level ups I had been neglecting, which made my tired brain hurt just a little tiny bit...