The night after Sophie's meeting with Anna, she found herself lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. The conversation had been cathartic in some ways she had finally faced the guilt she'd been carrying for so long, and it was a relief to know that Anna had found peace and moved on. But despite that closure, there was something else weighing on Sophie, something she hadn't anticipated.
Seeing Anna again had stirred feelings she thought were long buried nostalgia, regret, and even a flicker of what might have been love. It wasn't the kind of love that made her want to return to Anna, but it reminded Sophie of how deeply she had felt for her once, how intense and consuming it had been. And now, lying in the dark, Sophie couldn't shake the feeling that maybe she hadn't entirely let go of that version of herself, the one who had been so afraid of commitment, so afraid of being vulnerable.
Eli had been supportive, offering her space to process her feelings, but Sophie could sense their unease, the quiet tension that had been lingering between them ever since she mentioned Anna. Sophie wasn't ready to talk about what she was feeling just yet she wasn't even sure what it was but the weight of it was growing heavier with each passing day.
---
A few days later, Sophie and Eli were sitting in a cozy café they frequented, sipping coffee and discussing a new art show Eli was thinking about submitting work to. But despite the casual conversation, Eli could sense that Sophie wasn't fully present. She was distracted, her responses clipped, her eyes distant.
"You've been quiet lately," Eli said gently, trying to keep the concern out of their voice. "Is everything okay?"
Sophie's hand stilled on her cup, and for a moment, she didn't meet Eli's gaze. "I'm fine. Just… a lot on my mind."
Eli frowned, setting down their coffee. "Is it about Anna? You haven't really said much since you met her."
Sophie winced at the mention of Anna's name. She had hoped they could avoid this conversation, at least for a little while longer, but Eli deserved honesty. They always had.
"I don't know," Sophie admitted, her voice quiet. "Seeing her again… it brought up a lot of things I wasn't expecting."
Eli's heart sank, but they tried to keep their voice steady. "Like what?"
Sophie sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Like how much I've changed, but also how much I'm still the same in some ways. I'm not in love with her anymore, but seeing her reminded me of how I used to feel. How intense everything was. And I guess it just made me question… if I've really moved past all that."
Eli's chest tightened, fear curling in the pit of their stomach. "Are you saying you're not over her?"
"No, that's not it," Sophie said quickly, shaking her head. "I don't want to be with her. But it made me realize that I'm still carrying around a lot of fear. Fear of commitment, fear of messing things up, fear of being vulnerable again."
Eli's voice was soft, but there was a tremor in it. "Are you afraid of being vulnerable with me?"
Sophie hesitated, and the pause was long enough to make Eli's heart ache. "I don't know. Maybe. I care about you, Eli. More than I've cared about anyone in a long time. But sometimes I feel like I'm still that person who ran from Anna. Like I'm waiting for something to go wrong."
Eli's hands clenched in their lap, trying to keep their emotions in check. "So what does that mean for us?"
Sophie's eyes flickered with uncertainty, and for the first time since they'd started this relationship, Eli felt a genuine fear that Sophie was going to pull away again.
"I don't know," Sophie said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't want to lose you. But I don't want to hurt you either."
Eli's throat tightened, the pain of those words hitting them harder than they'd expected. "So you're saying it's only a matter of time before you hurt me?"
Sophie's expression crumpled, and she looked away, guilt written all over her face. "I don't want to say that. I'm trying to be honest with you, Eli. But I'm scared. I don't know how to fix this part of me."
Eli swallowed the lump in their throat, their chest aching with a mix of hurt and frustration. "You don't have to be perfect, Sophie. I've never asked you to be. But I need to know that you're willing to stay, even when it gets hard. I need to know that you're not going to run."
Sophie looked at them then, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "I want to stay. I do. But I'm scared that I'll mess everything up, that I'll hurt you without meaning to. And I don't know how to stop feeling that way."
Eli's heart broke at the vulnerability in Sophie's voice, but they couldn't ignore the pain that was bubbling up inside them. They had opened themselves up to Sophie, taken a risk in letting her in, and now it felt like the ground was crumbling beneath them.
"I can't do this if you're constantly waiting for it to fall apart," Eli said quietly, their voice trembling. "I need to know that you're here with me, that you're not just waiting for an excuse to leave."
Sophie's face crumpled, and she reached across the table, taking Eli's hand in hers. "I don't want to leave. I don't want to lose you, Eli. But I don't know how to stop being scared."
Eli stared at their intertwined hands, feeling the warmth of Sophie's touch, but also the cold weight of doubt settling in their chest. They wanted to believe Sophie, wanted to trust that she could overcome her fears, but the uncertainty in her eyes made Eli feel like they were standing on shaky ground.
"I love you, Sophie," Eli whispered, their voice raw with emotion. "But I can't be the only one fighting for this."
Sophie's tears finally spilled over, and she gripped Eli's hand tightly, her voice breaking. "I know. I know I have to do better. I don't want to lose you. Please, don't give up on me."
Eli's heart ached at the desperation in Sophie's voice, but they also knew they couldn't ignore their own needs. They had been patient, understanding, but now they needed Sophie to meet them halfway. They needed more than promises they needed action.
"I'm not giving up," Eli said softly, their voice filled with quiet strength. "But I need you to figure out what you want. Because I can't keep wondering if you're going to run the moment things get hard."
Sophie nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I'll try. I'll do better, I promise. Just… please don't walk away from me."
Eli's heart softened, but the pain still lingered, the uncertainty still gnawing at them. They leaned across the table, pressing a gentle kiss to Sophie's forehead, their lips lingering for a moment before they pulled away.
"I'm not walking away," Eli whispered. "But I need you to stop running too."
Sophie nodded, her eyes filled with a mix of gratitude and fear. She squeezed Eli's hand, her grip tight, as if she were holding on for dear life.
---
The days that followed were tense, a fragile silence hanging between them. Sophie was trying Eli could see that. She was more present, more engaged, but there was still a distance, a guardedness that hadn't been there before. It was as if Sophie was trying to protect herself, even as she was fighting to stay.
Eli spent more time with Mae, seeking comfort and clarity from their best friend. Mae, always the voice of reason, listened patiently as Eli poured out their fears and frustrations.
"I don't know what to do," Eli said one evening as they sat on Mae's couch, nursing a glass of wine. "I love her, but I don't know if that's enough. She's still so scared, and I can't fix that for her."
Mae sighed, setting down her own glass. "You can't fix it. Only Sophie can do that. But it sounds like she's trying. That's something, right?"
Eli nodded, though they weren't sure if it was enough. "Yeah. It's just hard. I don't know how much longer I can wait for her to figure things out."
Mae rested a hand on Eli's shoulder, her expression soft. "You have to decide if you're willing to be patient with her, or if it's too much. Only you can make that call."
Eli sighed, feeling the weight of that decision pressing down on them. They loved Sophie, but love wasn't always enough. And as much as Eli wanted to be patient, they also knew that they couldn't keep waiting forever.
---
As the days passed, Sophie continued to wrestle with her own fears and insecurities. She wanted to be the person Eli needed, wanted to prove that she could stay, but the fear of failure lingered, threatening to sabotage everything.
One evening, as they lay in bed together, Sophie turned to Eli, her voice barely a whisper. "I'm scared, Eli. But I'm trying. Please don't give up on me."
Eli looked at her, their heart heavy with a mix of love and pain. "I won't.