I'm not even aware that my eyes are watering; I'm furious that she didn't move away when she saw the truck.
"Are you insane? Is this the way you cross the street? And you've seen the truck approaching, haven't you? What if something happens to you?" I'm screaming in frustration, but she's not responding. She's still frozen, and I can see she's in a state of shock. I take a deep breath and make the conscious decision to be cordial.
"Hey!" I say, squeezing her shoulders. "Farha, can you hear me?"
She slowly meets my gaze and nods yes. Her eyes seem soulless as if she is lost and feels nothing. That's not how I could see her ever in my life. Before even thinking about what to do next, I've already pulled her close and hugged her.
"Don't worry," I say slowly, caressing her head to reassure her. "You're fine. Nothing happened."
I am not sure who needs this hug more, but I am sure we both need it right now.
'What are you doing, stupid? She's going to push you away immediately,' my brain says. I try to shut down my brain by tightly closing my eyes.
When she leans in and securely wraps her arms around me, my breath stops for a second. I reaffirm it by opening my eyes. She is deafeningly quiet and composed. I'm keeping my mouth shut and living the moment in the faith that everything will be perfectly all right. I urge myself to stop blushing when her grip begins to loosen.
"I will drop you."
She agrees without a second thought.
"Just stay here. I shall return."
Normally, I am not a music lover, but she is. So, before leaving the parking lot, I search my dashboard for a pen drive and am fortunate enough to find one. I switch to something more melodic, but not extremely romantic.
She climbs into the passenger seat as I park my car in front of her. I motion for her to fasten her seatbelt, and she does so. While driving, I catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye and realise she's lost in thought and not enjoying the music; I'm sad that my small attempt has been neglected.
Flashback:
When I went into my room to summon her for supper, I noticed she was holding the visa papers. My nerves were at an all-time high, so I grabbed it from her.
"I've already told you not to mess with my personal belongings. This isn't your house, and you can't do everything according to your wish. Get out."
I had no idea how she felt, but she went without saying anything, bowing her head down. I quickly regretted what I had just said. In exasperation, I threw aside the visa papers I had in my hand. I was lost in thought as I lie down in my bed. I didn't recall falling asleep, but it was eleven o'clock when I awoke.
Everywhere, the lights were still on. I went to her room to check on her after turning off the lights. I couldn't find her despite searching the entire house. I discovered her phone ringing from her room as I tried to contact her. I was tense and my heart was racing. I searched the garden, park, poolside, and parking lot for her, but she was nowhere to be seen. Her scooty was not there too. Did she leave for real and for forever? Knowing her for a few months, I knew she was going to go. But where? Perhaps Miksha's or Shravya's place. I was feeling strange, but I convinced myself that she was secure and having a good time with her friends. It started raining as I was walking towards the front door of my home on the third floor, and I realised I hadn't noticed the lighting and thunder because I was looking for her. I sat on the sofa, face buried in my hands, without locking the door or turning on the lights.
I heard footsteps and turned towards the door at half past one o'clock. She came in and shut the door because it was unlocked, turned on the lights, and placed the keys on the key stand. Raindrops dripped from her clothes, body, and hair. She was unaware of the fact that I was there.
"Oi Hitler!" I called out fiercely as she was about to walk into her room.
"Are you still awake?" she inquired nonchalantly.
"Where did you go? Won't you let me know before leaving? At least, can't you take your mobile with you when you go out?" as I interrogated her, her mood shifted.
"You are the one who told me to get out. Wherever I go, what makes you so concerned about me? Why do you care for me?"
"I do care for you… because..." I attempted to explain myself, made an excuse, "because you are my wife, you are my responsibility, damn it. Why don't you understand?"
"Responsibility? Isn't it until tomorrow? You are leaving anyways. So just leave me alone, I can take care of myself"
"Wait here, I'll be right back"
In front of her eyes, I rip the visa papers and ticket into bits and fling them away in the air.
"What have you done now? Have you gone insane?" she screamed, startled.
"Wasn't this your problem? I'm not going anywhere now."
"You've made me feel awful once more."
"You don't have to, since I made the decision not to go, long before you found out."
"But…"
"I also have something important to say. Please don't mind if I say something recklessly in a fit of rage, and take it to heart. This is who I am, and I can't change who I am."
"I know," she said, sneezing.
I completely missed the fact that she was completely drenched in rain while confronting her.
"This is what happens when you play in the rain and get completely drenched," I mocked.
"What? Does it seem like I was playing in the rain?"
To tease her, I shook my head upside down thrice.
"No comments, simply waste," she said as she walked away to the study room, "You can go and sleep now. It's already two"
"You change the clothes and sleep well. Good night"
"I have something important to do after changing clothes"
"What?"
"Eating ice cream"
"What?" I believed I had misheard something. "Ice-cream? Are you mad? At this hour, you're already wet in rain."
"It's midnight, Nazia and I normally have ice cream during rainy days. That is my fantasy. Midnight. Rain. Ice-cream. Awesome trio," her eyes glowed while describing it, she turned to me smirking, "You are not gonna know all this"
"I thought you were mature, but you're a kid. Don't be adamant."
"I'm aware that I'm adamant, and I enjoy being one. But I'm a really mature person."
"You're not"
"I don't have time to argue with you since I'm already hungry"
She didn't bother to change her clothes or dry her hair before heading into the kitchen. She returned with a small family pack of pista flavoured ice cream.
"Are you going to finish this?"
She smiled while nodding her head. She sat in a chair, keeping the box on the dining table. I took a seat next to her in the chair.
"Did you have anything for dinner?" While opening her box, she asked.
"No"
My gaze was drawn to her tresses. I reached for her hair with my hand, removing her clip from the tied-up hair so it could dry. She hastily shifted her ice cream box and turned to face me. I waited for her approval, and she agreed to let me remove it for her. With her consent, I also loosen her hair, allowing it to fall freely on her shoulder and back; she smiled warmly in appreciation.
"Don't stare at mine," she said as she took the first spoonful of ice cream. "You can take another box from the fridge"
"No," I said as I grasped her spoon. "I'd like this."
"No chance"
The spoon of ice cream spilled over her dress in between our fights.
"Shahrul," she exclaimed as she leapt to her feet.
"What? Did you just call me Shahrul?" I asked immediately as I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
"Sorry"
"Hey! This is nice, you can call me Shahrul, that's what I've requested from the beginning."
"I can't. Don't change the topic. You have punishment for ruining my dress"
She moved the ice cream away from her, which I observed.
"What's the punishment?"
The water jug was in her hands.
"No" I stood up, my eyes widening. I tried to flee, but she had already poured water on me. She was giddy with delight as she cheered herself on her victory. "See, you're not mature," I remarked firmly. "You're acting like a toddler."
I was successful in convincing her that I was furious; she kept the jug on the table and bowed her head.
"I'm sorry"
After taking the jug, I let out a wicked laugh.
"No! No! This isn't right. I ruined your dress with water, as you ruined mine with ice cream. On for the other. Let's put an end to this. As you can see, I'm already drenched."
"Who is gonna pour water on you? I'm just gonna pour on this" I said pointing to the ice cream box.
"No," she pleaded, "Please don't do this." When I denied she walked to the kitchen, "Fine, I'll take another one."
"Then I'll pour on that as well."
"That's not done."
"Then accept my deal and share this with me"
After a few moments of contemplation, she realised she had no choice but to agree.
********************************
I pull over to the side of the road when I notice an ice-cream vendor, or, to be more exact, I drove down this road with the hopes of locating a midnight ice-cream spot. Her eyes dart outside and swivel to meet mine, clearly perplexed since she won't have noticed the ice-cream vendor a few feet from where I've pulled over.
Before getting out of the car, I say, "I'll be back in a minute."
I'm attempting to decipher her thoughts as I walk back to the car after purchasing two ice cream cones. I have the impression that she is in a quandary or that she is upset about something, but she is certainly unhappy.
I offer her a cone of ice cream as I slide into the driver's seat.
She states, "No, I don't like it."
She has decided to lie and is trying to avoid my eyes by turning away.
"Thank god," I say. "I had only purchased two. I asked you-"
"Then you can joyfully give it to them," she interrupts my sentence, looking at me.
I nod; put the cones in the cooler in front of her seat, and drives to the guesthouse. She unbuckles her seat belt as soon as I pull up in front of the guesthouse. I'm curiously waiting for her to say something before getting out of the car.
But she only says, "Good night."
She doesn't even bother to invite me in, despite the fact that this is my guest house and I dropped her off at this odd hour. 'Odd hour,' I understand.
I drive away from there, nodding to her. I'm lost in thought. I'm clueless because she's not the typical possessive girl. Her comments also don't appear upset. Whom does she refer to as "them"? I'm still pondering it.