"If you want to know what it' s like to survive hell and still come out shining brighter than the sun, just look into the eyes of a woman who has survived intense damage and refused to allow it to destroy her softness. "
💔💔💔💔
Sunlight shines under the door like a ghoul ' s grin, yet gives the shutters a halo of golden rays. That ' s the new morning, sinner and saint, just like me. Waking is a hammer swung with gusto, a painted " x" on my skull.
Sleep drags me backwards until a new thought can penetrate . The bed was warm, the draughts were cold, yet my feet swing outward into the chill. . .
I stretched my body and yawn so loud. I sat upright as my brain recall the incident that happened between me and Bradley, I felt like a waste bin. You know how tough he could be.
I took a shower and act like Jenny doesn't exist. She doesn't even sleep in her room anymore, and when she does she ignores me. That's her problem anyways.
*******
"Hey Grace, we need to talk," Bradley said
I wasn't gonna argue with him because he will keep bugging me and I didn't want that to happen.
"Okay"
We went to a quiet place and we talked a lot.
"So about yesterday, you were drunk. I really wanna know why?"
"I thought you wanted to say something important. Why can't you just let me be. You need to find something reasonable to do instead of meddling in my business."
"This is really important, you're important. I care a lot about you and seeing you like that makes me worried."
"Common Bradley! don't you think you're just wasting your time on this?"
"I don't think so, why do I keep thinking you're going through a lot but you don't wanna make it anyone business"
"Enough! I don't wanna hear this anymore"
"Then stop! calling me Angel when you're drunk"
I became quiet but my quietness wasn't a good one it was raging with anger and I felt like strangling someone to death. I felt tempestuous.
"Does that really matter and you shouldn't be anywhere I am"
"How do you want me to know?"
I rolled my eyes at him and left him to himself.
The weather suddenly became cold and I wasn't putting on something appropriate for the cold weather I use to wear my hoodie most of the time but I wasn't putting on one at that moment.
Then I noticed the weather was okay it just me feeling cold. My head begins to hurts while my body temperature was high. I started shivering uncontrollably.
I didn't know what was happening to me but I felt I needed immediate attention. Randy saw me and she noticed I was feeling cold, she lends me her sweater and took me to the school clinic.
The school clinic doctor checked my body to know some few things. She also proceeded to ask me some few questions.
Then she found out I have a cold nose. She said that my blood was taking longer to circulate to my hands, feet, and nose. She was explaining other things to me but I wasn't even paying attention.
She told me to go home cause I needed some rest. Randy offered to take me home and I was happy to say yes.
I felt lonely when she left and I was tempted to go out to chill. Calm down! I wasn't gonna drink or anything. I wanted to walk around and go to places I haven't gone before.
So I wore my black hoodie and short with my headphone hanging on my head. The neighbourhood was busy. I could see some happy couples taking pics together and that reminds me of Angel. I realized I missed him so much. We usually stroll around the neighborhood to watch some young couples make out. And then we take random pics of them without them knowing, it's really fun doing that.
Sometimes, Angel, Joanna and I use to have sleepover at my house since my parents were constantly not around, it gives me the freedom of doing what I want and whenever I want it. Joanna will make fun of Angel accent and he would throw a pillow at her for mocking him. It's always fun watching them annoy the shit out of each other while I settle down to eat my pepperoni pizza and ice cream.
I miss having both of them and having them around. Most especially having Angel cuddle me to sleep. I miss those feelings. It really hurts to lose someone you love and not hearing from them ever again. Joanna on the other hand, was my my anchor through it all.I remembered when I tried to commit suicide by cutting my wrist countless times and was bleeding out, she came right in time and saw me bleeding out. The look in her face was something I would never forget. She was scared,numb and fucking out of her mind. She called an ambulance and that's how I was rushed to the hospital.
I remember cutting my hair in a ugly style because of depression. I was really depressed after Angel's death and I couldn't tell anyone about everything. It was all eating me up. I hated myself and felt like ending my own life since it was pointless having it. It was even more hard when the police called me in for questioning and I had to lie to their face. I was scared of speaking about it to anyone since he was always watching. You never can tell who is also working for him in the police department. People like that always have an insider making it hard to trust anyone. Joanna kept watching over me she was like a mum to me. Always checking up on me and she became my therapist.
I was burning with guilt and I couldn't escape it. Knowing I was the cause of Angel's death made me regret everything. The memory of how he was shot and was bleeding out, his eyes closing to death was a sad thing for me to watch. I couldn't even help him but to watch him die in front of me.
I wanted to go into my past and turn things around but I couldn't cause it was too late