After Yvonne admitted that she wanted to have an actual first date, Christopher spent all of his time planning out what he hoped would be the most romantic evening of all time.
This date was a big deal for Christopher. Ever since he kissed Yvonne and his memories returned, he was able to recall every second he had ever spent with her. The moment Christopher laid eyes on her, he fell head over heels. Now, after waiting for years, he finally had the girl of his dreams, and he didn't want to screw it up. If Yvonne wanted a first date, Christopher was going to give her the best first date ever.
After spending some time thinking of what to do, Christopher sat down in front of his computer in his home office. He cracked his knuckles. "Time to get to work."
Christopher was a man of science. Like any other good doctor, he didn't like to leave anything up to chance, so he started typing away on his keyboard. After hours of scouring the internet, doing research, and even downloading Pinterest, he created a formula for what he assumed would result in the perfect date.
The first step of the process? He had to call Yvonne and ask her out, so he pulled out his phone and dialed her number.
The phone barely rang before Yvonne answered. "Hey, Christopher. What's up?"
Christopher cleared his throat, putting on the best display of confidence he could muster. "Yvonne Wheeler, would you like to come to my house for dinner tonight?"
He heard Yvonne giggle through the phone. "Yes, Christopher. I would like that very much. Your house for dinner? That sounds romantic!"
Christopher pumped his fist. His research paid off. "Great, then let's call it a date."
After they both said their goodbyes, he hung up the phone. Step one was a breeze.
His plan was to host a home-cooked meal. While Christopher was far from being a good cook, he figured if he could perform brain surgery, he could follow a recipe. He already knew Yvonne's favorite food was lobster. How hard could it be to cook some delicious seafood?
With the printed copies of the recipes he found on Pinterest in hand, Christopher rushed out the door. He paid a visit to the nearest grocery store.
When he arrived, Christopher grabbed a cart and pulled out the list of ingredients he needed to buy. Because he rarely cooked for himself, he had a rather long list.
He leaned on the cart as he strolled down an aisle with jars of seasoning. "Okay, I need onion powder, garlic powder, thyme, rosemary, parsley, and paprika."
The list of herbs and spices went on and on. His eyes flitted between the recipe and the grocery aisle. "Maybe I should just get one of each spice in the store. That seems… easier."
Christopher held out his hand and walked down the aisle, pushing each jar into his cart as he moved along. He shrugged when he reached the end of the aisle. Easy enough, he thought. Alright. What's next?
His eyes scanned the recipe. "Now I need vegetables for the stir fry."
He took a similar approach in gathering the vegetables he needed. He figured one of each vegetable in the store would suffice. He also grabbed a huge helping of potatoes. "You can never go wrong with potatoes."
Then, it was time to pick up the main event. He walked over to the seafood section. Behind a counter garnished with fresh fish, a portly man wearing an apron with a goldfish on it chopped the heads off of trout.
As Christopher leaned closer to the counter, the smell of fish filled his nostrils. "Hey, there."
The worker cutting the fish didn't bother to look up. "What do you want?"
Christopher glanced around. "Do you have fresh lobster? Two fresh lobsters, to be exact."
The man huffed as he threw the knife into the table. "How fresh do you want?"
Christopher smiled as he knew the answer immediately. "The freshest you've got."
The worker stumbled into the "Employees Only" section and came out holding a paper bag. "Here you go. Two lobsters, as fresh as we got."
Christopher took the bag. Without looking inside it, he placed it inside the cart. "Perfect! Thank you!"
After he picked up his lobsters, Christopher saw an apron at the front of the store that had the phrase "KISS THE COOK" printed across the front of it. Amused, he threw it in with the rest of his groceries and checked out.
When he got home, he unloaded the groceries in his kitchen. However, he wasn't quite ready to prepare the meal yet.
Before firing up the stove, Christopher scrounged through his house to find every candle he had ever owned. He had read online that having dinner by candlelight is one of the most romantic gestures one could do. So, he set up about twenty candles in the living room. Then he carefully lit each one.
Once every wick had a flame, Christopher stepped back. "This is great. I'm going to romance her pants off. That's for sure."
Proud of his work, he dusted his hands off and strolled into the kitchen.
After he fastened the apron around his waist, he was ready to start cleaning, chopping, and cooking.
He followed all of the recipes to a tee. While he waited for a big pot of water to boil, he cooked his stir fry and baked a few potatoes in the oven. The aroma wafting up to his nostrils was intoxicating. He was definitely on the right track for preparing a romantic meal. He could hardly wait to cook the lobster.
Once the water was boiling, Christopher scrounged around to find the paper bag. When he opened it up, he could hardly believe his eyes.
There were no lobsters. "Wait, what?"
He was certain they were in there when he checked out. He went through the other grocery bags. Nothing.
He ran a nervous hand through his hair. "You've got to be kidding me. I paid for those."
[SFX: Scratching/Tapping]
Then, Christopher heard something behind him. It sounded almost as if something was scratching at his floor.
When he turned around, he found the missing lobsters. They were fresh alright, so fresh that they were still alive, clawing their way around the kitchen.
Christopher jumped back. "Oh, my god! What?!"
In a panic, he watched as the lobsters made themselves comfortable in his home. He removed bloody organs from patients, but touching a live lobster was where he drew the line. "I can't touch them. Oh, gosh! What do I do?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Christopher saw a broom propped up on the side of his refrigerator.
Carefully, he crept toward the fridge and picked up the broom.
He swallowed the lump in throat. "Okay. Just be nice. Don't do anything too crazy."
He flipped it around and tried to poke the lobsters with its wooden handle.
One of the lobsters clawed at it.
Squealing in fear, Christopher dropped his lobster-herding weapon on the ground. "Oh, my gosh! Take it! You take it!" This was definitely not going as planned.
Christopher's body quaked as the crustaceans strut around as if they owned the place. He was too distracted by the new tenants to even notice the cloud of smoke that billowed out of the oven.
[SFX: Fire Alarm]
As the fire alarm went off, Christopher whipped his head around. Dark clouds of smoke poured out of the oven. The potatoes caught on fire.
"Oh, no!" Christopher screamed.
He ran into his kitchen pantry, grabbed a fire extinguisher, and darted back to the oven. His new sea pets were now the last thing on his mind.
He swiftly removed the pin from the fire extinguisher and pointed the nozzle at the oven. He squeezed the lever as if his life depended on it – because it did.
The fire extinguisher was heavier than he thought, but he managed to sweep it from side to side until the fire in the oven sputtered out. Smoke hung in the air as Christopher stared at the mess in front of him.
At least that was one win for Christopher. He wiped the back of his hand across his face, realizing that soot covered him from head to toe. Even his new apron was ruined. He groaned. "Things couldn't get worse."
As Christopher dropped the fire extinguisher to the side, the combination of the smoke and heat from the candles in the living room triggered the fire sprinklers in the house.
Water rained down from the overhead sprinklers.
"Nevermind," he said. "Things did get worse."
Christopher stood, immobilized with sheer frustration. He felt as if it was a sign of defeat.
"Christopher?" A voice called out from behind him.
Yvonne stood at the entrance to the kitchen, covering her mouth with her hand as she took in the sight before her. "What happened?"
Christopher coughed a little. The lobsters were nowhere to be found. He let out an exasperated sigh. "I think we have to order takeout."
About an hour later, the house was drying out, thanks to the box-fans Christopher had strategically placed. He had also cleaned up the remnants of the kitchen fire. Things were returning to normal by the time he and Yvonne sat down in his living room among the unlit candles.
Yvonne held a carton of Chinese food in her lap. She shoved a helping of fried rice into her mouth. "So let me get this straight, you tried to cook the lobsters, but you lost the lobsters. Then your kitchen exploded. Then the sprinklers went off."
A flush crept across Christopher's cheeks. "Basically, yes."
Yvonne tried to keep a straight face, but she burst into laughter. "Oh, Christopher. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard."
Christopher winced. "It isn't funny. I tried to give you the most romantic first date ever. I had it all planned out. I was going to cook your favorite meal, and we were going to have a candlelit dinner. And it's all a disaster."
Yvonne glanced at her boyfriend. He looked so defeated. His head dropped as he wistfully ate a won-ton.
Yvonne scooted closer to Christopher. She lovingly touched her hand to his cheek. "Christopher, this is the best first date ever."
He smiled back at her, grasping her hand inside of his. Then, he tilted his head and lightly brushed his lips against Yvonne's. "Do you think we're having a better time than Debbie and Alex are in Paris?"
Yvonne rested her forehead on Christopher's. "Oh, definitely."
Yvonne and Christopher's lips met. As the two kissed, one of the lobsters scampered across the living room floor.