Jihha
-------------------------------------------
Human psychology is really the most weird! Okay, no! Let me rephrase what I actually wanted to say! The doings of nature and the way of working of things is REALLY weird. One moment, your blood is boiling up because of that one person and you just want to kill them in the most painful way; but then on the other hand, you seek and receive your greatest comfort from the exact same person! If I go by the initial feelings I had, I was embarrassed to actually request Luka to stay while I was busy bawling my eyes out. But then, if I think about how peacefully he sat back and gave me support throughout my whole emotional ranting sessions without passing any comment.....okay if we ignore his 'at this rate, if I boil your tears, I will probably be left with a LOT of salt!' or 'human, are you planning to create a Pacific ocean 2.0 but with a MORE salty remix?' or 'if you cry and sob like this, I wonder what kind of moans do you give when you are-', on THAT comment, he received a slap on the back of his head and that frenzy ended with 'OKAY! I am sorry!!'. Yet, all of that comforted me.
I also had no idea that when, exactly in point, during my emotional sessions, he carried me to my room like as if I am a cushion. "What are you looking at?" Luka asked while I realized that I was staring at him for a little too long. I quickly diverted my gaze and cleared my throat before looking at him again. A small and light blush was forming on his face. "well.....For starters, I was actually wondering that why are you here?" I said and straightened up. The blush on his face quickly drained and he responded, "I wanted to talk to you about the deal and when I got here, you were- well- You were busy doing something not very much you-ie!"
"You-ie?!" I repeated during a small laugh and he realized his formation of words. After a mere moment, his smile broke loose and he hung his head low, shaking in his disapproval of the new word he just invented. He had a cute smile if it was genuine. Usually, his smile was mischievous, sinful and evil with some sort of evil motive but this one was, THIS one was just a simple smile and chuckle. A real emotion. "I meant something that I never saw before in my little human's personality!" he explained and crashed back where he was sitting on my king sized bed.
He was still grinning when he removed his glasses and looked over, back to me. This was the first time I have ever seen his normal 'human form' eyes without those glasses. I admit that he is actually really attractive, both in his celestial and human form. In his celestial form, the bright orange was the highlight of his eyes and the small delicate gold patterns on his body really set him apart. The golden details were like delicate tattoos that were really easy to miss if one does not pay proper attention but the black and dark of his aesthetic really made those details shine. And yet, the human form of his was of dark colors (mostly black) and minimalistic aesthetic, but the way his black eyes and aura 'shine', it sets him unique even then! This is wrong! I may do a hundred wrong things but I must not get captivated by him in any sort! Not lust, not attraction, not like and definitely not...THAT. Falling in the 'L' word with him is already impossible but still! I should just tolerate him and get what I want out of this deal and that is it.
"Sir?" I spoke in my neutral tone and it caught him off- guard. He instantly sat back up and put on his glasses again. His expression dropped and became serious, worried. It was like he was not expecting that and was....disappointed. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, shut them tight! Maybe he was? Maybe he just- NO! He hates me and so I also hate him! I loathe him and he also loathes me and my existence! But, what if he doesn't? What if I don't? What if-
"...human?" he called out like he did before. With worry, with care, with- STOP IT! I AM OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING! CALLING SOMEONE WITH WORRY DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE CALLER DOES NOT HATE YOU, JIHHA! TRECIA ALSO USED TO CALL US LIKE THAT AND-
"....human?"...I felt the ghost of his touch on my arm and my eyes flew open. He was in front of me and I just felt...weird! "I- you wanted to talk something about our deal, right?"
"yes but-"
"that was why you were here in the first place?" I asked and Luka tilted his head slightly to my left and nodded, "yes....I did! why?"
"Our deal.....If that can happen, what I want for my aunt, I guarantee you that your desires will be my top wish…an ultimate end and your authority over everything? You will have it but first my wish should be the one to reach completion. Tell me do you accept this deal?" I said in my negotiation voice and although I was trembling inside I had to do this. He looked confused and dumbfounded as his next words came upon….
"Well.....then.....All your good choices' credits will go to your aunt? You do realize that, then all the misery will come to you and your end will be very much mis-"
"That is fine...I do not care…. A miserable end you say? You should not worry about that because I assure you my life is not THAT grand to be protected, but yes for me the only thing I want to protect is my….aunt and if I can take her pain upon myself I will gladly do that!" I said all of that in one go. Multiple expressions and their shades came and washed upon him. He had his lips slightly parted and his eyebrows knotted while his grip on my shoulder tightened slightly, "your end will be miserable! So will be YOUR afterlife!"
"...I do not care..." I whispered before shrugging his hand away and diverting my gaze to the opposite side.
"but, my human! Listen! You will be-
"Miserable? Here and after?
"YES!" his voice was much hoarse and a little raised. Why was he freaking out? His worrying just put me on a pedestal! And why is that Jihha? Because he only cares about himself! So him getting FREAKING worried about you is just-
"I don't care!" I exclaimed, "And sir, I really do not care because-"
"Well I do! I CARE! WHY ARE YOU WILLING TO SUFFER FOR SOMETHING OR SOMEONE WHO MAY NEVER RECIPROCATE IT!? WHY?!" he snapped as he ran his fingers through his hair. "you know human what I thought about you for the first time I saw you? I thought that 'oh she is sad and miserable already, I pity her!!!', despite knowing damn well that I should not, knowing that YOU humans are not worthy of any pity because all of you humans only think of YOUR benefit… But then even now I wonder that why are YOU so genuine? What kind of reward will you get? I will tell you, NONE! You are choosing a painful death and external life torture! So, why are you still pretending to be so genuine?"
"Because I AM genuine!" I asserted and he just sighed in frustration and looked away. "I know that to you, what I am doing or demanding may appear childish-"
"foolish!"
"Okay.....foolish! But to me, this is the only right thing I think I have ever thought of doing. You have power and your power will increase as well! I am powerless! So as a helpless human, the most powerful I can be is if my wish for my aunt gets fulfilled. And besides....you will get what you desire the most out of it! Right?" I spoke after inhaling a huge sigh and letting go of my pent up breath.
He just slightly scoffed and passed one comment in his bitter tone, "Right! Why am I trying to delay the day and hold the night, when the sun rises on its own and moon sets on its own!". Somehow.....that...stung. Unexpectedly, those words affected me. His tone perfectly delivered what he wanted to relay, it was clear that he was being hopeful on a hopeless case and reality finally hit him.
My breath and words stuck to my throat as silence and its duvets took over. The air around us was dense and suffocating so I broke my silence, "Oh and about genuine-ship ... you know that I am unfeigned and that is why I thought that maybe you will be doubting me since you are not very on humanity side….so I just, kind of like thought maybe you might be thinking that I am not genuine as well because of your facial expressions earlier looked like as if you are just second guessing and....well..." my voice died down when I saw the lack of attention from him.
I exhaled a long and deep sigh, "I was not second guessing anything!" he exclaimed calmly although the vein on his forehead showed that he was on the verge of killing me, "Okay my human! I- I will give that to you, the deal is tempting but your aunt's happy end counts on health…not hers but yours! Now do you accept it?" he asked me while a small usual demeanor of his returned as he bended over to my level, resting his one arm on the headboard, leaning his face closer to mine. "do you accept your own chosen end, little human?"
Something went off like a signal on the back of my mind....something I was unable to pinpoint. Luka's tone and body language showed confidence and surety while his eyes begged for me to step down, step back, away from our deal...They begged me to listen to him, to take his worry into accounts and receive what he can give and I wanted to but.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"My end? I will gladly accept my ending!"