A dream or nightmare I didn't know yet.
I walked into Lakewood high,a beautiful huge buildings.when I stepped in,my belly grumbled,oh my gosh I'm hungry I felt weak.maybe I shouldn't have skipped the breakfast after all... I thought.Then suddenly I head gossip,was it my outfit?...
Being back in an actual school I realized more and more how difficult the "plan" of mine would be.I forgot how...scary school was,how everybody already belonged to a group.
The popular cheer leaders.
The jocks panting after them.
The gamers.
The rebels.
It all scared me,where would I have belonged ten years ago?
I stared at the corner of the school,maybe I would have been there probably by myself.But it's different now, Emma!,I tried to convince myself.let's make a good first impression!
I made up my mind maybe I should befriend the cheer leaders.okay the cheer leaders,it is!
I gather up courage and walked to them,I said politely."Hi,I'm Emma"
They all looked at me weirdly,then one of the cheer leaders asked."Do we know you,Emma".
"No..."
"Ah,why are you standing with us?"she asked with disgust.
"I thought_"I was cut of guard i really didn't know what to say.
"You thought wrong girlie"she said with a sigh."Bye"Then she waved suddenly the two girls behind her laughed in a silly way.
I wanted to show them I wasn't weak and that soft... I wanted to talk back at them but I couldn't.
Then a girl abruptly was running towards my direction but she missed and fell down.There was laughter everywhere,that laughter,I knew it all too well.and the feeling that came with it!
I should help her! she doesn't deserve to be treated like that,I concluded at once.
But I couldn't,I was scared,scared of what? I don't actually know....
But the girl on the other hand just mind her business,she just stood up and walked away.
*****
My first lesson.
I took a deep breath and tried to convince myself that I could do this,that I wasn't my past self any longer,I'm different now,and He isn't with me any longer.i put on a broad smile and walked in the classroom majestically.
I saw the teacher,and everyone was well seated then the teacher asked"you are the new student, right"
"yes ma'am, I'm Emma"I said curiously.
"okay ,take a seat"
I turned towards the classroom,they were lot of students,many were chatting, while some were laughing and I gather up courage and went straight to a girl, actually on her phone."Hi, I'm Emma"
"Sit somewhere else Emma"she said without looking at my face."How rude"I murmured.
Then I went to sit somewhere else at the back of the classroom feeling devastated.Alone again!!,I thought.
Then the girl who fell earlier sat besides me,I felt curious and nervous.
I should've helped her....
"Let's start with the lesson"I head the teacher said"Emma"then she called me.
"Our topic is Diffusion,can you define it"
I felt nervous,then I quickly gave her the answer that first popped on my mind,then she said"yes, correct!"
"phew"I took a deep breath.
God how I didn't miss high school,home schooling had been much different.No pressure caused by other students,no fear to be laughed at- just hours and hours of going through boring materials and the only person who had to prove yourself to was one teacher,mine had actually been pretty nice.she had tried her best to make this as interesting as school material could possibly be capable of.
This was different.