'Twelve missed calls, oh God; that was what I woke up to. It was already morning, as I could already see the lighting from the window. The missed calls were three from Leniey and the rest from Kelvin. What did Kelvin want? I had already made everything clear. I really did not want any more confusion in my life; I wanted to leave all of them behind, for, as Ana really had said in the car conversation, I was confusing myself and was ending up confusing them about what I really wanted. I wanted nothing to do with all this. I guess I needed to give myself space and time. Let myself think of what I really wanted.
Today was Sunday, and tomorrow I would officially continue with my podcast programs on the various radio stations where we had already started our sessions. I had already forgotten my relationship with God; I had barely gone to church since my arrival in the United Kingdom. Sundays were always an indoor thing where I would watch my favorite movie, maybe read my favorite book, or at some point interact with my neighbors. However, it seemed the neighbors were now newbies, students from the university, and suddenly a thought rang in my mind that I needed to relocate and finally find somewhere to stay as I awaited graduation party day. Most times I do laundry and deep house cleanings on Saturdays, and well, you know how yesterday went. I had still not unpacked much of my clothing after my arrival, so I knew that today that's what I was set to do. With that, I had a quick shower, prepared some breakfast, and started unpacking my clothes as I played some pop music on my woofer.
I don't know how long it had taken to unpack, but I finished, and without checking my phone timer, I sat on my well-made bed and now entered Netflix, right after I had quickly texted Ana to give me the topic of the podcast, we were excited to talk about tomorrow. It was a really lazy day, of course; I was still tired, and I had tried my best to keep Leniey and Kelvin off my mind despite the many notification bells that popped out of my timeline, coming from both of them. I wish they knew I wasn't ready to talk. Maybe Kelv is the type of person who takes years to accept certain situations.
After watching for some time—I don't know how much or how long—I drifted to sleep. I don't know how long it had taken me to sleep, of course, but a loud knock was heard from my door, and I suddenly wondered who the heck it would be. I lazily decided to check the time, and it was already two past midday.
"Hey, wassup." I stated, opening the door, as I rubbed my puffy eyes from the little nap that I had.
"Did we wake you up?" Kelvin asked.
"When did you arrive?" I asked as I eyed Leniey, who was leaning on the wall, waiting for my conversation with Kelvin to end. 'Didn't he have any businesses or any modeling programs like going to the gym? He seemed to be so caught up in our drama.
"Oh yeah, I came with Leniey here; he has some business for us; the runway is soon remember; he is set to deal with our certificates, and only the school can provide." Kelvin answered. Kelvin's course work sometimes confused me; I wasn't sure what he really wanted in life. He had once deferred to go and deal with his businesses, then suddenly he would tell me that he wanted to be checked in at the graduation risk. I did not understand much of his reading calendar, but all I knew was, as I had said earlier, that he had quite a bigger percentage of influence in the school; of course, being the school's secretary general was not easy; for that, you needed votes; and, hell, a lot of money.
"Come in." I stated this after a long pause, realizing that I had kept them out for so long. And with that, they came inside the house as they made themselves comfortable, like they always did. I had nothing to offer them for the moment, so well, I guess we will have to stare at each other.
"I brought something." Leniey stated, and as a savior from the next stomach growling silence, he removed a quite indulgent wine and some snacks. I knew he had bought that for me, not for us; like all of us, he just wasn't sure how to state it, especially with Kelvin here.
"Great, I was starving, man." Kelvin stated this and started unpacking the snacks and eating them.
After a while of letting Kelv fill his stomach, and with me already embarking on my phone scrolling and liking some tweets and checking some Instagrams, he finished and somehow went out to answer his phone, which seemed to be ringing for quite a while.
"Don't you have anything to say?" Leniey asked.
"No nothing." I stated, after a long pause, then decided to ask, "Don't you have anything else to deal with? We have been disturbing your peace for quite a while." This made him look at me as if I had said something so deep that would easily ruin his ego.
"My runways are not until the next month. Now its newbies, unless you are talking about brands." He stated it in a rather calm voice. Today, Leniey was wearing a Louis Voulton brand labled t-shirt, some black jeans, shiny trousers, and I guess Nike made or what kicks. On top, he wore a black cap that was adjacently aligned with the trousers and a quite expensive watch on his wrist. I guess he watched how I observed him, for he suddenly cleared his throat, and we gazed at each other.
"Why didn't you tell me that you were leaving?" Leniey asked, and I was suddenly confused by whatever he had asked.
"Leaving to where?" I asked.
"Back then, on campus, when we... you and I..." He stated, and it suddenly felt difficult for him to speak and for me to interject or say something. His eyes were looking at me deeply, as if fearing that if they would blink, he would lose focus and I would be gone.
"Leniey, we can't." I stated
"You haven't told him yet?" He asked stupidly. I could feel the vulnerability in his voice, as if he were overthinking something. After a long pause, he added, "Didn't it mean anything?" I knew I had to say something, explain, but there was a lot of explaining, yes, a lot of explaining I was doing in my mind, but I could never find my voice to say it. Before I could speak, Kelvin came in, and suddenly Leniey stood as if wanting to leave.
"Hey buddy, I think I should be leaving. Good luck with your girl," he stated, and without even looking at me, he walked out, and it killed me. It killed me, almost taking every little bit of respect and little anxiety out of me that I had to following him, maybe to give him a tight hug, and maybe to tell him that he was confused; it all meant things; it all meant everything; it meant being alive; it meant feeling a lot; it meant heaven; and at the same time, it meant hell in the most beautiful of frames. I wanted to say all these things, and I suddenly felt my eyes tear; I was already becoming emotional; I hated feelings; and the fact that Kelv was here made everything worse.
"Hey, are you chopping onions?" Kelvin asked. That was meant to be a joke—a corny joke indeed—but it was not of importance to make me laugh. On realizing that I was in no mood, he came near me and suddenly took me in his arms, with my chin resting on his shoulders, as he made soothing voices for me. Here I was, being embraced by the man I so much wanted to leave. My mind remembered and rewinded everything that had happened, and I realized I was doing something wrong, and so I slightly pushed Kelv off me.
"I need some space, Kelv." I stated, and he looked at me.
"But you are crying, Angel." He added in a rather louder, worrisome tone.
"Just something entered my eye." I stated, and that made him pull farther away from me.
"Are you... were you serious about what you said at Leniey's?" Kelvin asked suddenly, out of nowhere.
"Yeah, I was... I think I need to take a break from relationships and love. I think I need a break from you." I stated, which made him nod for the first time.
"I totally respect your decision. I know it's hard for me to take, but I'll have to respect it," Kelvin stated, nervously shaking his leg—something he did when trying to contemplate or accept a decision he knew would take forever to accept. "But don't block me. You know, we can build, repair, and do other things," he added, and I could feel his voice crack. "I know I have done a lot of things, and I do not deserve this love. I know when you saw me with that girl, everything changed; I remember the way you looked at me—the disgust that was written all over your face, as if it were taking all your inner strength to stop yourself from slapping the hell out of me," he continued, now nervously tapping the table in front of him. Like some random psycho; any psychologist would say he was having a mental breakdown within one moment.
"Kelv, it's okay." I stated, trying to calm his nerves,
"How is it okay, this, me?" No, not me. Okay?..., I am not…, Angel." He started, and I could feel his anger rising. I was suddenly feeling a certain site of terror encircle me, and I suddenly texted Ana to come as fast as possible. I was scared he would even beat me or do something worse.