The first problem was that mother left home forever. I told you that mother and father had been fighting a lot since many years ago. And my mother was also very sad when she saw her children being beaten by her own husband. However, I think mother was just as scared as I was, which is why she kept quiet when her children was beaten.
Mother and father had a big fight one night. Mother threw a tantrum and screamed, causing the neighbors to come over. I learned that the problem was that father had taken mom's money again. He spent it at the gambling tables.
At that time, mother had been sent some money from her relative, but father had stolen it and used it to gamble. He lost the gamble and left nothing.
After the big fight, my mother decided to leave home. She left her husband and children behind. They didn't get divorced. Mom just left. Honestly, I wasn't that sad about her leaving. I had seen my mother tormented in this house for so long. With her gone, I hope she can find new peace and happiness. She would no longer suffer from the savagery of her husband. And until now, I didn't know where my mother was or how she was doing. But wherever she is, I hope she's okay.
I was already in 12th grade, my last year of high school. I had been thinking for a long time about what university and major I would enter after graduating from high school. Since the 10th grade, I have always wanted to go to medical school, Rose. And if people asked me where I wanted to go, I would answer "med." And the narcissistic gang that used to bully me would say,
"How can you go into medicine? You're stupid in everything except memorization. Do you think being good at memorization can make you a doctor? No way. Your stupid dream."
I know I'm bad at math, but my biology and English grade are very good. And they're right—I'm not good at much in life. I was a pretty quiet kid in school; there's no way I could be a successful merchant. That's why I chose to go into medicine. A medical graduate will definitely get a job and earn a living.
Oh yeah, since the 11th grade, I've started going to the gym to exercise and lose weight. After a year of adjusting my diet and working out at the gym, I'm no longer fat. They no longer call me a pig. In fact, there were some girls who approached me.
My father wanted me to enter the medical school at the Yellow university. It was the best medical school in Indonesia at the time. Honestly, I didn't feel capable. My grades were good, but not enough to get in. Moreover, the campus was very famous, and medicine was the most popular major. The competition to get in was too tough. However, my father still forced me to go there. He said that if I were to choose another university, he wouldn't pay for my studies and would kick me and my sister out of the house. I had no other choice.
As expected, I failed, Rose. I failed the entrance Exam. I was rejected. Then I failed the second test too. It was so frustrating that I didn't go to university that year. I was really sad when I saw that my classmates had entered college while I was unemployed. I wanted to go to college. I wanted to be a doctor. I could get into a medical college in this city; it had an A accreditation and the tuition was cheap, but my father forbade it. I think my father really wanted to be proud of himself for having a son who went to a yellow university.
That's how he was. That period of unemployment was the height of my misery, Rose. I cried every day. You know what? I was really afraid of failing to get into university again. Father pressured me to study. But I could barely focus anymore. The fear of failure has enveloped my soul. I don't want to not go to college. The yellow university was not something I could achieve. I admit I was very pessimistic at the time.
One day, our house was visited by debt collectors, who made my father hide in the bathroom. After the debt collector left, my father said this to my sister and me:
"I have $70000 debt to them. When you grow up, you have to pay that debt. My debt is your debt too."
Even if I worked as a doctor, it would take years of my salary to pay off that debt. And why do him owe so much? My sister and I rarely eat well. We often eat eggs, instant noodles, and the most expensive of our food is chicken soup. Other than the school lunch money, Father didn't give us any other living expenses. My sister saved up to buy her skincare kit. I went to the gym from they money i saved up for months. Where did his money go? He must have spent it on gambling tables, getting drunk, and sleeping with women, but he asked his children to pay for it while he himself barely supported his children with it.
Actually, our house is also luxurious, classic, and nice. That's because it was inherited from my grandfather. If he wanted, he could sell this house and live in another, smaller house. But for him, this house is the only sign of richness he has. He didn't want to sell it. This house was his staple.
I'm really sad and frustrated, Rose. I wanted to take my sister away, but at that time I had no job and no money. Oh yeah, my sister was also in the 12th grade at that time. And you know what? Father also wanted my sister to go to the yellow university. What a cruel man! He put pressure on my sister just like he put pressure on me. My sister wasn't as good as me in terms of academics. She has no achievements, and her grades are mediocre. My father and I both knew that she wouldn't get into the yellow university. Yet he pressured my sister to study as hard as he pressured me. Rose, I felt sorry for my sister.
My dear Rosie, if I had found you back then, my suffering would not have been so severe. But I was alone. I didn't even have a friend to share my sorrows with. In front of my sister, I pretended to be strong, even though I was crying for my own suffering and hers. That's when I started dreaming of someone to hold me, wipe my tears, and love me. All I could think was, "If only the girl named Roxelana in this painting would come out and give me a smile." Roxelana's painting has accompanied me for many years.
Back then, I even occasionally looked up whether Roxelana, the girl in the painting, was real or not. Who was the model, and where did she live? But I couldn't find any information about her. I thought to myself, "If I had found the girl in this painting, I would have asked her out." Ah, I haven't mentioned that some girls have sent me love letters. However, none of them made me fall in love. And perhaps this was all because I had fallen for the girl in the painting.
I was so sick of my father's oppression. Doesn't everyone want their children to be happy? However, this father really didn't deserve to be called a father. He raised me and my sister to brag and pay off a hundred dollars of debt. He turned his children into a punching bag and never took care of them. That day, I decided that I was an orphan. The relationship between me and my father was too broken to be repaired. That was the moment when I decided to cut off my relationship with my father completely and decide my own fate.