There's a lot of questions that are stalled and difficult to answer. For instance, Joe's question was one of them. Noelle had to compose herself on answering the right answer, but there's nothing. Every word that she wanted to utter out was in fact, a wrong statement from all the wrong decisions she have in her life.
Long story short, this was a huge mistake, and Noelle was living in her repercussions.
Noelle stood there, unable to utter even a word, or even invite him inside so they can privately talk. Joe must be that surprised to stop by here and search for her dressing room, and to ask it horribly. Because if he did so, he wouldn't be able to hear the answer in a sympathetic way.
This is when Noelle realized she hated being pitied at. This was her decision, so she's living for it.
"Can I come inside so we can privately talk?" Joe questioned.
Noelle hesitated, but there's no escaping from this. She stood aside, opened the door, and had a welcome gesture. Noelle got readied to be roasted, but she had to be true to herself that this is the situations she would face every time she saw an acquaintance.
Or a past lover. Or a past friend. Or someone she knows but had a somewhat influence to her. She would never get tired to explain this is the life she chose, and she would be living it until 40 years or so. Noelle would never regret having this overactive sexual life unless she fell sick.
But she had a perfect boyfriend: rich, handsome, intelligent Cole Rodriguez.
And even if she became dirt poor again, he can pick Noelle up and recover her from ashes.
"What are you doing here? Why aren't you in the office or somewhere besides that studio where the director and actors are discussing about sexual activity? You are included in the discussion."
Joe was very straightforward that Noelle didn't even know if she was right about giving her full honesty. She felt like a woman sitting down in the witness stand to prove that a crime has happened, and she was there, a witness, who didn't even come forward to stop it. Noelle was going to be an accomplice without even a word.
"I really am. I'm here because…"
"You're now a porn star?" His eyes added insult. His tone was menacing and accusing. Joe has never been this rigid and furious, and this must be the first time Noelle encountered how bad the creases in his forehead were.
"I… Joe…" Noelle halted. She stuttered, fueling the truth that Joe only assumed when they bumped each other by the elevator. Noelle gave up, break the façade, and shrugged. She raised her hands, fell it down by the sides, and completely known that this was going to be a heated argument.
A setback to the relationship they didn't fix. An ending that left a broken piece under the graves.
"Tell me the truth. Confess to me what happened after the year we graduated. Don't tell me a lie. I finally saw you out there, in the studio, a bed is a prop, cameras around, lights, and script about sex, Noelle. Evidences were plastered around. Do you think I think that you are just a normal writer or staff there?"
Joe had a lot to state. He has so many questions that kept on bugging his mind.
"No, Noelle. I already know what you are up to. And I can't believe…"
"I was desperate," Noelle cut off. She doesn't want another judgment on how she anchored her life. Joe has entered her life again, and the least thing she wanted to hear is an insult. Noelle has been living quite peacefully in her own, without someone else to help her but herself.
By doing that, Noelle didn't have to push the boundaries in order to have some help.
"I was so down. My mother is dying. She's been sick all the time after my father left me. You know her, and you know my dad. After we separated, Joe, it was never easy for me to move on from you, especially that we had been together for the entire years of our college."
Noelle had to huff and be calm. Maintaining a peaceful conversation was what all she needed.
"I didn't receive any help from the relatives or even close friends. I tried to contact them, message them about what happened, but I don't want to expose myself, a dirt-poor woman who graduated in college, begging for money to pay for her mother's treatments."
She had to cut to the chase and be real. Noelle was here for desperation and not because of desire. She has gone to the deepest marches and trenches, and this is the darkest she could carry on. Noelle isn't wishing a very wealthy and fortunate life, but a life that is enough for her mother to live in the care of the nursing home.
"So, that's why I'm here, Joe. I didn't tell you all about that now but just today, when you unintentionally force me to say everything. I am here, yeah, a porn star, a girl who sells her body for horny viewers to enjoy, the one who enjoys having sex with different men, yeah, I am that cutesy woman you love before."
She had been waiting to get it out of her chest, and even if she had done it, the burden was still present.
"I am like that, Joe. I am here in front of you, wearing this, yeah, censored. But outside, in the studio, I reveal it all. That's where the pennies come from, Joe. That's where my money comes in my bank account to support my mother. It's all that I can do."
Joe saw a woman who gave up on just sticking to a plan who didn't even grew successfully. She wouldn't try any other things because of fear that it might not work again, and she'll be in the dark, sitting in the corner, waiting for someone to eradicate her deprivation.
"I'm tired of trying to do other things, Joe, because I feared that if I do that, I'll lose my support to my mother, and I can't afford that. She's the one who raised me, and do you think I can leave her behind, with me trying to find the perfect job for me?"
Noelle shook her head. She bit her bottom lip.
"So, please, if you're going to insult me or judge me in my decisions, go out. I don't have the time to explain that my decision is for my greater good and not because I am trying to decide based on my desires."
She turned to her dressing table and shook her head.
"Just… process everything I said. Then, by that time, you must be calm to know I did that out of love and sacrifice."